I’d never planned to share my total humiliation at Scarlett’s wedding, but if Zofia needs an explanation to stop her imagination from running away with this, so be it.
‘Zofia, Miles and I have more history than you realise. A few years ago, at a family event, Miles went out of his way to avoid me, and upset other people a lot more than me with what he did.’ I give Zofia a moment to take that in. ‘That’s how I know– you’re not just wildly off the mark, you’recategorically and absolutely, completely mistaken.’
Zofia frowns. ‘Believe me, I’m old enough to have seen it all before. I’m almost never wrong.’
I laugh. ‘I’m going to be the exception to your rule. I’ve never met anyone I argue with so much.’
She laughs. ‘You can’t deny heisvery pretty.’
I sniff. ‘Not on the inside. They’re the worst kind.’
She’s looking at me through half closed eyes. ‘Let’s wait and see, shall we?’
If Zofia’s this instinctive, I may need to go a little further to make my point.
I make my smile bright. ‘I’ve actually given up on men, but that’s a story for another day.’
Zofia’s eyebrows go up. ‘Or you could save time and tell me now…’
It’s incredible how often I have to justify that I’m on my own. I’m actually terrified that if I don’t and lower my guard the truth might slip out accidentally. If anyone knew that I’m the kind of weak person who let a situation get so out of control that someone broke my wrist, I’d never hold my head up again. I mean, if I still feel like it was all my fault, everyone else would too. It’s still a bit beyond me, how I willingly walked into a room with someone who turned on me like that.
It’s always good to start off with the truth. ‘Our dad left when Scarlett and I were small, and after that my mum never had another long-term partner.’
Zofia’s eyebrows shoot upwards. ‘What?!No one at all?’
I shrug. ‘She always had dates, but she never met anyone she liked enough to be a keeper.’ I wrinkle my nose as I remember the reasons she’d give for moving on. Not putting butter all the way to the edge of their toast. The ‘a’ in bath being too long. Mustard yellow socks. Not buying free range eggs. As a teenager I found her pickiness as off-the-scale annoying as it was absurd. It actually drove me round the bend more than Scarlett and her seamless line of ‘steady boyfriends’. I look for a way to sum up. ‘I suppose Mum was an idealist who didn’t want to settle for anything less than perfect.’
Zofia nods. ‘And do you have the same high standards?’
It comes out as a snort. ‘Hell no! After how that worked out for her, I went for all the fun and none of the judgement.’
Zofia’s eyes light up. ‘More boyfriends than hot pasties?’
‘That’s the one.’ I pull a face, because it’s still all true, but out loud it sounds a bit much. ‘Lines of the things. More names than you’d fit on an A4 sheet if you wrote in teensy writing. And I had a ball along the way. But now I’ve left all that behind.’
I’m winding my way around to the speech I’ve polished that covers the truth like an invisibility cloak.
I blow out my cheeks. ‘A new boyfriend every week sounds great, but one day it hit me that I was wasting my energy on wasters. That the fun wasn’t fun anymore. That without the guys and the parties, I’d achieve so much more. So I moved on to better things, and here we are.’
When I add in a ta-da twirl this usually works like a dream to give my non-negotiable-single state a positive shine, and I’m desperately hoping Zofia will buy into it the same way everyone else does.
She watches me come out of my final spin. ‘And how’s this workaholic celibacy working out for you?’
I give her a wink. ‘I prefer to call it professional focus. And since it re-booted my writing work, it has a lot going for it.’
I link my arm through hers and we make our way back across the garden, stopping for photos as we go. By the time we get back to where Miles is standing, I’ve got all the shots I need for now.
I smile across at her. ‘If you don’t mind taking me back to the cottage, Zofia, I’ll get onto Fenna straight away and see if we can get the go-ahead on the idea. Then I can come back for longer to do the piece itself.’
Zofia gives me another searching stare. ‘Are you sure you won’t stay for tea?’
Miles steps towards us. ‘I need to go now too. We can save you the drive, and go together.’
My heart sinks. ‘I’ll walk back.’ I take in his doubtful expression and know I need a better excuse. ‘I travel in the slow lane, Miles. Zofia mentioned you drive like you’re in “Need for Speed”.’
Miles shakes his head. ‘Zofia is legendary in St Aidan for how many times she’s put her car in hedges. If you survived the journey here, driving back with me will be like falling off a wall– in the best possible way.’ He’s still looking at me. ‘It’s five minutes at ten miles an hour. Put your big girl hat on, Betsy Beth, and live dangerously for once.’
Zofia is beaming at me. ‘Well, that’s settled then! Off you both go, and come back very soon!’
