Once I’ve thought all this, it’s like fast-setting concrete in my head. I can’t ever go back to how I was before. All I can do is sort it out for good. As fast as I can.
It’s a good three hours before I look across from where I’m siting fixedly on The Hideaway’s veranda, my eyes trained on the studio, and see Kit waving today’s clients off towards the hotel. The second it happens, I have a large box of apricot crumble slices ready. I tuck it under my arm, call Shadow and we race across to Latitude One.
I burst through the door, slam the box on the desk, take a big jump backwards so I’m too far away to slide into Kit’s arms, and open my mouth to deliver the speech I’ve made word-perfect.
‘Is everything okay, Floss?’
I’m laughing inside at the irony. ‘It actually couldn’t be any worse, Kit. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore…’ My voice dries to a croak.
Kit’s blinking. ‘Excuse me?’
I start again. ‘In future we’ve got to stick to work and cake.’ As his jaw drops I rush to continue. ‘The rest has to end. Straight away.’
His brow is furrowed. ‘Whathas to stop?’
I’m struggling to make myself clear. ‘The nice bits. We have to go back to being purely professional.’
He raises an eyebrow. ‘So we’re still good for supper?’
I need to be more specific. ‘No! No more walks on the beach, no more meals, no more sleeping together, no accidental touching in ice-cream vans, and especially no kissing or sex.’
His voice deepens. ‘Am I allowed to ask why?’
I have to keep Rye out of this. ‘I should have been honest with myself sooner.’ I take a breath. ‘This way no one gets let down, no one gets short-changed and, best of all, no one gets hurt.’
He gives a snort. ‘It’s a bit late for that!’
There’s a twang in my chest, and as I catch the anguished expression on his face I’m kicking myself for all of it. For being to blame. For starting any of it. If only I could wind back the clock I’d never have looked up at the stars. I definitely wouldn’t have given him Coco Pops and custard at seven in the morning. I probably wouldn’t even have come back to St Aidan.
My mouth is sour as I swallow. ‘I’ve majorly messed up, but I’m doing my best to put this right.’ As I push my chin in the air and dash towards the door the tears are stabbing my eyes. ‘If there’s nothing more, I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Halfway down the studio he calls after me. ‘I’m polishing the last of the rings for Milla’s friends. We could talk now while I show you them.’
I steel myself and call over my shoulder. ‘There isn’t anything else to talk about, Kit. Show me in the morning.’
And a second later the wind off the sea is whipping my hair across my face as Shadow and I tear back to The Hideaway.
My world is in pieces, but life goes on for everyone else.
I’m halfway up the steps to the deck when my phone rings.
I gulp down a sob and pick up. ‘Mum! How are you doing?’
She takes a second to answer. ‘Are you okay? You sound like Gollum.’
‘I’m outside. It’s probably the wind.’
She carries on. ‘I’ve been chatting with Judy.’
That’s Plum’s mum. I know things move at speed in St Aidan, but I still wasn’t prepared forthatcircle to close sofast. I’m frantically working out how to play this, but before I get there Mum speaks again.
‘I’m sorry I made you feel you had to go to other people, Floss. You and Sophie aremydaughters, and however hard it is for me to look back on my life, it’s still my job to give you the answers you’re looking for.’
My heart goes out to her. ‘Poor Mum, if we’d known you felt like this, we wouldn’t have brought it up.’
She sighs. ‘We should have done it years ago. Let me know when, and I’ll be there.’
We know how booked-up she gets, and if it’s difficult it’s best not to rush her. ‘Shall we do sometime next week?’
