‘Shit. Those people sounded desperate. I’d better hurry.’ He’s already across the porch.
JUNE
29
The Hideaway, St Aidan
Sandcastles and empty beds
Monday
I’m still getting used to how fast things move in St Aidan. After a quick look at the forecast to see that Monday was going to be sunny, all it took was a message on the Mums and Bumps WhatsApp, and the afternoon at mine was sorted. We kept the numbers small, so when Clemmie and Sophie came over the dunes from the lane, they were leading a column of six mums and their assorted small ones towards the picket fence. And since then they’ve been sitting on rugs and chairs at the bottom of the deck steps, while the little ones play in the sand with an assortment of buckets and spades.
Clemmie is on the deck with me, and while we’ve been taking out second helpings of trifle and sorting out ice-cream cones, we’ve been having our first catch-up about my week at work.
‘It’s hilarious that your bakes sold so well there weren’t any blondies left for Kit.’
As she laughs, Clemmie sways Arnie, who’s asleep in his sling. Sophie insisted on coming too, even though Maisie, her youngest, is at school, and she’s keeping an eye on Bud. Even though the fizz is mostly alcohol-free it’s going down fast, and I’m on my way to get more from the fridge.
I call to Clemmie on my way to the kitchen. ‘Kit was beside himself when he arrived back at the studio empty-handed! We found out later that Jean and Shirley had come past with their walking group, and the hungry hotel guests had taken the rest.’
It might have been beginner’s luck, but I did the same again on Sunday, with toffee Rice Krispies and lemon drizzle cake, and by the time I came back from Kit’s at lunchtime, that had all gone too.
As for how it went at Kit’s, Saturday’s couple were in their fifties, on their second time around, and planning a modern elopement, and Sunday’s were younger, but brought their kids along too. And thanks to Kit telling them all about The Hideaway, both lots added in an impromptu visit to mine for a pudding-on-the-deck photo opportunity at the end of the afternoon.
As I come back outside, Clemmie’s looking down at the little ones running up to Sophie with her tray of ice creams. ‘How have you coped, having all these little people around?’
I take a second to consider. ‘When I first arrived, I might have found it hard to watch families, but what I care about now is The Hideaway’s future, so it’s great that the mums are here enjoying the place.’ I can tell from her frown that she wants more reassurance. ‘Moving was a gamble, but I haven’t regretted it for a second. I don’t feel there’s anything I’m missing out on.’
For the first time ever I’ve got a home that’s mine, and I’m earning in a way that makes people happy, too. To be honest, seeing Clemmie and Nell dealing with their newborns has been like a reality check for me. Their babies feedall through the night!I can’t imagine putting myself through that. I love seeing them all, but it’s a relief to curl up on the sofa after a peaceful supper and know the most I have to do before morning is let Shadow out for a late-night wee then dedicate myself to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. As I can barely look after Shadow and me, I’m much better off as a star aunty.
Clemmie’s face brightens. ‘So you’d be up for another impromptu afternoon when the sun’s out again?’
‘Definitely.’ As Kit apparently takes short-notice bookings too, last-minute works well for me. While I’ve got Clemmie on her own, I need to ask. ‘So how did Plum take the news that Rye is off the menu? Was she devastated?’
Clemmie pulls a face. ‘She was relieved to have an explanation for his lack of enthusiasm, but it hasn’t put her off any.’
I laugh. ‘If Plum is anything like Dillon she won’t give in – it’ll have made her ten times more determined.’
‘Talking of the man himself…’ Clemmie’s eyebrows have gone into overdrive ‘…if he’s planning to visit soon, does that mean he’s not giving up onyoueither?’ She takes hold of my hand and squeezes it. ‘We mermaids are all hoping once you and Dillon have had time apart, you’ll realise you belong together.’
When Mum mentioned this a while back I let it go, but I need to put Clemmie right before this express train runs away. ‘I hate to disappoint you all, but there won’t be a reunion for Dillon and me because we didn’t just drift apart, we broke – irretrievably.’
Clemmie’s eyes go wide. ‘I’m so sorry, we had no idea.’
There’s no reason why they should have done. I’ve kept this to myself, but if they know more detail at least they’ll understand. Even now it’s hard to say the words out loud. ‘It really wasn’t Dillon’s fault – but he slept with someone else.’
The colour drains from Clemmie’s cheeks. ‘Flossie, that’s awful.’
I need to put it in context. ‘Awful, but understandable. I was a wreck after my operations, and we hadn’t had sex for ages. You know how Dillon throws himself at everything?’
Clemmie nods. ‘Fast and furious is the only way he knows.’
I smile as I remember. ‘His energy was what attracted me to him in the first place, but soft and gentle in the bedroom wasn’t ever going to work for him. At first, I assumed our sex life would limp along until I got better, but then I realised he was only going to be properly interested when it got back to how it was before, which it actually never could. And it was only once the sex had gone that I realised how much that was what had glued us together as a couple. Without that there to keep us on track, we were adrift.’ Even though it’s horrible hearing myself say it, as I carry on it feels, once again, like what happened next was inevitable. ‘We were trying to find a way through it all, and then Dillon was at this work party, some random woman hit on him, and boom. He was drunk enough to say yes, but sober enough to deliver the goods. And because this was honest, honourable Dillon, he came straight home and told me.’
That night is etched on my brain so clearly. What’s more, I had so many chances to avert it and I missed them all.If onlyI’d put in the effort and gone with him, instead of letting him tuck me up on the sofa with an alcohol-free G&T and a packet of mini cheddars to binge-watch repeats ofGilmore Girls.If onlyI’d bothered to remember a cheeky hand job in the shower could be the highlight of his Saturday, especially if I made him a bacon sandwich after. I can’t even blame it on the illness, because by this time chemo was a distant nightmare, and I was monthsinto being officially cancer-free. But looking back, my eye must have been so far off the game, it almost felt like I’d given up playing it.
Clemmie’s shaking her head. ‘I’m so sorry.’
