Even I can do this. I push the boat out with a couple of cocktail umbrellas of Ivy’s I find in the drawer and a slurp of carton custard, and I’m back out in no time. With a tray in my hand I even manage a flourish as I deliver the pieces of kitchen roll I have to run back for.
We get as far as their teaspoons being poised over Ivy’s mismatched cups, then they pause and look up.
‘Yes?’ I should have known it was abigmistake to start this, I only hope I can save myself before I trash Clemmie’s reputation completely.
Shirley coughs. ‘Do you have a card reader?’
Jean joins in. ‘We only have plastic, and we’d hate to start if we couldn’t pay.’
‘Is that all?’ My relief whooshes out of me. ‘You’re my first-ever customers. Even if you did have cash, I don’t have any change. Have these on the house!’ As if I’d argue over a handful of Coco Pops, when all I want to do is wave them on their way.
Twenty minutes later, I’ve managed to let Shadow out for a wee by the door at the back, and then he’s joined us on the deck for ear scratches, and we’ve got all the way to our goodbyes.
Jean squeezes my arm as she heads for the steps. ‘Thank you for opening for us, the sweets were delicious.’
Shirley looks up from the dune. ‘Much too tasty to be free. We’ll drop in when we’re passing and pay for them.’
I have to be firm about this. ‘Really, you don’t have to.’
Jean turns as she reaches the sand. ‘No time to argue, there’s another customer arriving. We may be the wrong side of seventy, but we can still appreciate pecs in a wetsuit fresh from the waves.’
I glimpse what they’re talking about, die of a small heart attack and still manage to reply. ‘That’s my neighbour, I’d better see what he wants.’
I watch them head off along the beach towards St Aidan. When I turn to look the other way again Kit’s stubble shadow is close enough to snag my gaze. When he smiles, the bottom falls out of my stomach. Then Shadow yelps and rushes down off the deck, and as he leans in for another round of head-scratching, I get a grip of myself.
My commitment to staying solo isn’t only because of getting over Dillon. Dating is bad enough if you’re well, having had cancer adds in a million other complications. I mean, why would anyone choose someone who’s been ill when there are so many healthy people out there? If you do happen to get a guy as far as a date, the quandaries begin… Do you drop in the C-word on the first outing and watch them run? Or do you save it until the twenty-first and risk a broken heart when they ghost you? When your confidence is already in tatters, the rejections are especially hard to take. Add in explaining about the scars and the infertility, and it’s easier to forget it altogether.
I don’t even know why I’m obsessing over this now when I’m ninety-nine per cent certain, despite the still-missing wedding ring, that the guy next to me is already spoken for.
I glance at my watch and see it’s barely eight. ‘Does everyone in St Aidan get up before they go to bed?’
Kit rubs his fingers through his damp hair which tousles it even more. ‘It’s hard to sleep with the noise of the sea. Do you find that too?’
I half wish I did. ‘I’m not having any trouble.’ It may change if the weather is more stormy, but as it is the constant roll of the falling waves lulls me. ‘Sleeping was what I found hard in Stoke Newington. The sirens on the High Street would always wake me.’
‘This London refugee is a lot more out of his comfort zone than you are,’ he says, gesturing at Shadow.
It already feels like another lifetime. ‘Shadow is from Hackney. He’s doing it tough.’
Kit smiles at him. ‘I thought I recognised his accent.’
‘You’ve heard him barking?’ The last thing I want is to be a local nuisance.
‘Now and again.’ Kit’s lips are twitching. ‘He’s a dog, it goes with the territory.’ Then his smile breaks free. ‘You’ve got your legs covered up today.’
I’m blinking. ‘For someone wearing neck-to-toe neoprene, that’s a strange observation. Seriously though, the water must be arctic out there?’
‘I’m here so I figure I may as well make the most of it.’ He pulls a face. ‘I’m told it gets easier when you get used to it.’
I laugh. ‘The first lesson of living in St Aidan – don’t believe everything the locals say.’
The corners of his mouth pull downwards. ‘I’ll bear that in mind.’ Then he grins again. ‘Every other time I’ve seen you recently, you’ve been wearing shorts.’
I have to tell him. ‘If you’re only here to diss my PJs, I’m going back to bed.’
His hand is on the deck rail. ‘There is something else…’ His pause is so long and ominous there’s time for us both to listen to my heart as it bangs against my chest. ‘I recognised you straight away on the roadside – you and Dillon came to me for your rings…?’
‘That’s right. We did.’ The question is hanging in the air like a lead weight. ‘Dillon’s not here. We didn’t get to use them.’ I’m astonished by his powers of recall, but this works two ways. ‘We aren’t the best advert for your brand, but don’t worry, it’s not a thing I broadcast.’
