What are the chances? Ross choosing this exact moment to walk right past me on his way to pick up the car shampoo and buffing cloths. ‘Naturalwhat?’
I roll my eyes, because I no longer give any shits. ‘It’s an app that tells you the days when you’re fertile and when you’re not.’ I let that sink in for a moment.
Nell chips in, helpfully. ‘Like a traffic-light system for nooky.’
Millie smiles sweetly. ‘Good that wasn’t around twelve years ago, or I woulddefinitely notbe here, and you’d have to find someone else to do the filming.’
Ross closes his eyes and bangs his fist on his skull. ‘Jeez, sorry. I assumed it was to do with push-bikes, not contraception.’ He’s shaking his head. ‘I don’t know why I’m surprised. We vets have had tools to track animals’ reproductive cycles for years.’
Nell looks at Ross. ‘It’s not only for stopping babies. Some people use it to help make them too.’ She turns back to me. ‘What’s your book woman called again?’
I open my mouth to answer, but Ross gets in first. ‘If you mean her agent, that’s Martha.’
Nell’s eyes pop open. ‘MarthaChanning? You’re in luck!’ She turns to the room. ‘Fabulous news, Cressy’s got an email from her agent, and the subject line saysA delicious delivery!’
Sophie shouts from by the windows. ‘We’ve all been holding our breath about this the whole day. Don’t stop there, read it out!’
As Nell raises a querying eyebrow at me I nod. Not long ago I’d have been mortified for people to know my private business, but St Aidan’s different because everyone is so invested. Going back to where no one gives a damn what their neighbours do because no one cares is not only going to be hard. It’s going to be really dull too. I try not to think of how it’s going to be when it’s just me in my flat, with three real friends scattered across a city of nine million people.
Nell clears her throat and as everyone stops talking she begins. ‘It says:Well done, Cressida Cupcake, you’ve hit the icing jackpot with this! I’m sending your manuscript out to our original publisher, will be back in touch as soon as I have news, have a fabulous weekend, Martha xx.’
As the room erupts into cheers I’m flapping my hands in front of my face, trying to take it in. ‘So she thinks it’s okay?’
Ross reaches over and squeezes my shoulder. ‘Better than that, Bertie, I’d say you’ve nailed it.’
‘Oh my, it never occurred to me she’d like it.’
Ross gives a cough. ‘You had a very dedicated taster. It could be down to that?’ He gives me a nudge in the ribs with his elbow. ‘We all know the real secret – you’re super talented, you worked your ass off and you’re the best baking blogger there is. Enjoy your moment of glory.’
I grin up at him, wondering when he got so on top of this too. ‘Thank you, I will.’ After how far down I was when I arrived, even something as small as my agent liking what I sent is both unexpected and major. One thing’s for sure; I’ll never take anything like this for granted again.
Sophie claps her hands. ‘If everyone’s ready, we’re going to round off the evening with a game.’ An excited murmur runs round the room from the people who know what’s coming. ‘The plastic’s on the floor, the buns are dangling and ready, and as Ross and Cressy are already hugging let’s ask them to show you all how to play. The aim is to eat as much of the cupcake as you can, no hands allowed.’
‘But we go last…’ I open my mouth to protest but the words are drowned by more cheers. As Ross steers me over to the strings he murmurs in my ear, ‘Maybe don’t beat me up too much tonight, we don’t want to upset the residents.’
I grit my teeth, and start to summon up my usual venom. As we move into our places facing each other I can see Millie standing on a chair by the wall, her phone poised to film. ‘You’re running scared, Ross?’ Like I’d fall into that trap.
Nell grasps the cupcake, then she lets it go and steps back, and there’s a collective gasp as everyone in the audience takes a breath.
Then Joanie calls out, ‘Come on, Cressy!’
In front of me the brightly coloured sprinkles are spinning to a blur, the barely-set white icing is shining. And when I look up into Ross’s eyes, instead of being all dark and flinty, they’re soft and kind and friendly, with crinkles at the edges and brimming with… Who knows what the hell they’re brimming with, but the fire is gone. For one time only I can’t find it in me to ram my jaw against the cupcake and grind the sponge into his stubble. For a few seconds I’m so surprised, all I can do is open and close my mouth.
He’s still standing back, dodging from side to side as he usually does, waiting for me to make my move. So I do a fake step to the left, then I open my mouth really, really,reallywide – like wide enough to engulf the whole cake in one gulp – and move straight forward. A second later my nose nudges the paper case, but instead of my teeth closing on the cupcake, and the icing melting onto my tongue, the bun lurches and flies over my shoulder.
Ross lets out a low laugh. ‘Bad luck, Egbert. Ready to try again?’
I’d be lying if I said I was ready for anything. Ross’s cheekbone zoning in on my eye takes me completely by surprise. It’s only a nanosecond, but I lose my concentration. Next thing I know, the cupcake is flying past my other ear. But that’s nothing. So much worse is Ross’s mouth, hot and soft and disgustingly delicious, landing on mine. If this is his diversionary tactic, it’s low. But if I truly snog his socks off, I’ll be able to hit the cake once it’s over.
‘You’re well below the belt here, Bradbury.’ I’m mumbling my protest against his lips, praying to any passing mermaid g-mothers not to let my knees collapse completely. From the shock. From the seismic electric pulses zinging through my body. From the immediate need to open up and completely engulf him.
He just laughs more, and mumbles back, ‘Round twenty-five. It’s payback time, enjoy the ride.’
At some point I must close my eyes, because the shouts of the crowd zone out and are replaced by some kind of symphony in my head that goes with the rainbow bursts and stars on the inside of my eyelids, and for who knows how long all I’m getting is a velvety taste of raspberry and almond. At least I’m still playing by the rules: my hands are still sticking out behind me, my neck is craned backwards, my face tilting upwards. It’s one of those times when the world feels like it’s stopped spinning, and I never want it to start again, because I want this moment to last for ever.
And then the crowd noise gets louder, we’re slowly easing apart. And suddenly it’s over, I’m gasping for breath, and pushing my hand over my mouth.
And Ross’s breath is hot in my ear. ‘Bakewell tart blondie. It might be my new favourite flavour.’ Then he pushes the cupcake into his mouth with his hand and turns to the crowd. ‘I’ll let Cressy have that round.’
