By the time I’ve made a few journeys to the car and I’m about to do a last sweep of the ground floor, Amelia has the children out on the decking finishing their cones. I’m just about to see if we’re ready to leave when Nell steps into my path.
‘Just rounding up Ross.’
Nell’s eyebrows shoot up. ‘Sophie’s borrowed him for a moment.’
‘What?’
Sophie comes up behind me. ‘I was holding Amber’s baby, Arran, while she nipped to the loo. But cuddles with such a tiny one were making me broody, so for everyone’s sake I passed him on.’
Seeing Ross prone on the herringbone parquet with ten toddlers crawling over him, I was laughing along with the best of them. When he almost spilled our secret to the whole world, I was blazing. But stumbling across Ross leaning back in an Ercol chair, a tiny baby propped on his chest, perfectly still as he stares at the downy head, it feels like a size ten landed in my guts.
Nell’s hand lands on my arm. ‘Are you okay?’
I wince and clutch my stomach. ‘Buttercream overload. It’ll soon pass.’
She pulls me into a squeeze. ‘Afternoons like this are hard for people like us.’ She doesn’t need to say more. We both know she’s talking about the babies we love so much but haven’t yet managed to have for ourselves. ‘Don’t worry, our turn will come.’
I slide my arm behind hers and hug her back. ‘It will. It really will.’ And for Nell, I really hope it does, because she gives so much to everyone else, she truly deserves some happiness for herself and George. For me, there’s a lot less hope. I had my chance, and it didn’t work out. I simply can’t imagine any scenario now where I’m likely to get another opportunity.
And then there’s a stampede of toddlers coming across the floor, and Amelia smiling in front of them.
‘Don’t forget, there are balloons for everyone before you go. And specialIt’s a Boybiscuit favours made by Poppy from the wedding shop.’
I put my mouth to Nell’s ear. ‘I promise I’ll make you Jammie Dodger blondies foryourbaby shower.’ Then I remember Nell’s special favourite. ‘Andextra-sticky triple-chocolate brownies.’
Then someone pushes a balloon string into my hand, and next thing Maisie is bashing Ross over the head with hers. It’s only as I swoop in to help Ross, who’s holding out Arran, who’s hollering like a baby who’s been woken by a bash with a helium balloon, that I remember. By the time Nell might be eight months pregnant, I could have been back in London for almost a year.
And however close and cared for and wrapped up I feel today, I’m damned sure by the time that happens everyone will be on to the next thing. And Cressy Cupcake and her fabulous blondies will be a fading memory, like marks in the sand washed away by the tide.
33
At Clemmie’s flat after the baby sprinkle
Hot air and cold turkeys
Thursday
‘Bertie, you’re here!’
Considering the teensy size of the flat, Ross doesn’t need to soundthissurprised to find me. The noise of me splashing at the sink should have been the major giveaway I’d be in the kitchen.
‘I was looking for you.’
I think I got that too, so I run the tap to give the piping bag in my hand yet another scrub.
‘I wanted to say sorry for dropping you in it earlier at the sprinkle. I just wasn’t thinking.’
That’s an understated way to talk about broadcasting my most private secret to the entire village. He might as well have got a megaphone and shouted it across the harbour.When Cressy got knocked up, Ross was the dad.There should be enough fire inside me to rage about it for months. But right now I don’t have the strength for that.
‘It’s over. Let’s move on.’
The lines between his eyebrows fade as he relaxes. ‘What shall I do with these?’
The twoIt’s a Boyballoons in his hand are bouncing around the ceiling as they catch in the breeze from the open window. He’s as qualified as me to make a decision on where to put them next.
I shrug. ‘Hang them on your bed. Anything really, so long as you don’t let them free outside.’ I let out a sigh. ‘Loose plastic helium balloons aren’t exactly environmentally friendly.’
Ross’s forehead furrows into a frown again. ‘Something as precious as a baby, you’d think people would make choices that were kinder to the planet.’ His frown deepens. ‘We wouldn’t have had these, would we?’
