He lets out a laugh. ‘They’re not entirely workableorapplicable either.No walking round in boxers?Like I’d do that when I go commando.’
That makes my eyes snap open. ‘Please tell me you don’t…’ I hate that I can even remember how achingly irresistible he was in his tight-legged Calvin Kleins, but this is a whole awful new twist I hadn’t bargained for.
‘You’ve no idea how much washing it saves.’ His expression is inscrutable then he takes in my shudder and his lips start to twist. ‘Ahh, Bertie, you still fall for them every time, don’t you?’
I’m rising above this. ‘I think you’re about to find I totally don’t.’
‘We’ll see about that.’ He pulls a face then it straightens again. ‘Don’t worry, I’m really not about to horrify you with views of my underpants. And forget the bathroom rota, I’ll shower at the surgery.’
‘I’m sure there’s no need for that.’ Now he’s making me feel guilty.
‘I do Walter’s animals after work, it makes sense to clean up before I get in the car.’ He’s sounding very matter of fact. ‘I promise I’ll be fully dressed in public areas. And if you insist on me covering up every inch of exposed skin at all times, I’m happy to go along with that – so long as you do the same.’
‘So that means no shorts?’ Or skirts above the ankle. Or low necks on hot days.
He shrugs. ‘You’re the one hung up on over-exposure and personal space, not me.’
I’m having a hasty rethink here. ‘Maybe we could simplify…’
He nods. ‘How about we both use the whole flat with consideration. And if anything offends we let each other know.’
‘Great!’ I make myself sound as bright as if this had been my idea all along. I’d have saved myself hours of agonising if he’d said this in the first place, but whatever. ‘I can’t think why you’re making such a big thing about it.’
He lets out a long sigh. ‘You really have no idea how tough this is for me, have you?’
I’m so appalled I let out my trapped hedgehog shriek. ‘Hardfor you? Why the hell would it be hard for you?’ I was the one who lost my baby, let’s not forget. I refuse to sayourbaby whenhe was the one who made a beeline for the proverbial door the moment he found out there was one.
He clears his throat. ‘When I see you every day it’s a constant reminder of how badly I stuffed up and I’m sorry, but it makes me feel like shit. I hate mistakes, and that one has to be the worst of my life.’
Oh my stars. I don’t believe what I’m hearing. All this time later, and all he’s still kicking himself for is getting drawn into our fling. And only a guy would make this all about him and his ego. I thought I’d put this behind me, but hearing him say this is like a knife twisting in my chest, opening up the wound all over again. But the sudden searing shot of pain sparks my anger too, and I’m hissing through my teeth. ‘I’m very sorry to have caused you so much anguish and regret, both in the past and now.’
He’s opening his mouth to reply and I’m scouring my brain for another withering comment I can get in first, when there’s a knocking out in the hall and the sound of voices.
‘Hey, don’t worry, we’ll let ourselves in…’
As I pop my head around the door edge Nell, Sophie and her band of littlies are trooping across the living room and into the kitchen. ‘Wow, you’reallhere! Again! Come in! Great timing! How lovely to see you!’
As interruptions go, they couldn’t have come at a worse moment. Though maybe it’s for the best; if we hadn’t been forced to hit the pause button the argument could only have escalated. I’m not one for full-blown shouting matches, but this is so raw I’d have found it hard to hold back. It’s just a shock to find out that Ross is reacting. There I was, thinking it hadn’t touched him, when all along he’s been silently raging inside for letting it happen at all.
Sophie laughs as they squeeze past me and slide onto the chairs around the table. ‘Not quite all of us. Plum was busy at the gallery.’
Nell nods towards the other end of the kitchen as she pulls up the pink chair. ‘And Ross too! Good to see you’ve already set him to work, Cressy.’
Millie’s grinning at me. ‘I knew he’d love washing up, you could just tell.’ Her eyes light up as she sees the brownie stacks. ‘Are these for Walter’s friends? We’ve brought you some cake boxes, shall I fill them?’
‘Please.’ As I nod to her I’m sending silent thank-yous to my imaginary fairy godmother that they’ve missed the ice flow between Ross and me.
Sophie pulls Maisie onto her knee then snatches up my poster sketches, so I take that as my cue. ‘I ran things past Clemmie last night and she loves that The Little Cornish Kitchen is getting out into the world while she’s away.’
‘You won’t be needing these after you’ve heard our news.’ Sophie pats the sketches, and gives Nell a shove. ‘Go on, then, tell her.’
Nell leans back in her chair and adjusts her padded waistcoat. ‘Not that we want to tread on your toes, but after you left the garden party yesterday there wassomuch interest from the members of the singles club. We couldn’t let it go to waste.’ She pulls a sheaf of papers out of her pocket. ‘So here’s the first four On Tour evenings fully sorted with attendees, dates and venues, another ten pencilled in, and a huge list of more people all fighting for their turn.’
In terms of standing on toes this is the equivalent of having an entire football team in hobnail boots not just treading on my feet – they’re actually jumping. ‘Do I get to do anything?’
Sophie’s missing the irony and purring. ‘You’ll be full on with your planning and handouts.’
Nell’s eyes narrow. ‘And we’ll need your input with the fizz and all the future dates. Otherwise, the favourite requests were for meringues, chocolate cake, blondies and millionaire’s shortbread.’
