Ross coughs as he picks up his own. ‘I take it you’ve seen my rucksack back at the flat? I put off coming for as long as I could, but I’m sure you’ll agree that keeping Charlie’s stress levels low is the priority here.’
‘Sure.’ It’s a good point, I’m just loath to agree with anything Ross says, on principle.
‘We have to put Clemmie and Charlie’s wellbeing ahead of our personal reluctance.’ He’s still sounding super serious.
‘Of course.’ From where I stand personal reluctance is a bit of an understatement.
The questioning frown lines on his forehead deepen. ‘Youdo knowwhy they’re away?’
Oh crap.Looks like I’m going to have to head him off fast before he drops them in it completely. ‘Absolutely! They’re doing a tour of Wallander’s favourite haunts, Nordic baking research, and pulling in visits to eco-friendly building projects.’ I’m not about to discuss Clemmie and Charlie’s confidential fertility problems in front of an entire lawnful of garden party revellers, so I’m sticking with the complete official version, which I’m pretty proud I can remember in full. ‘Because Scandi housing leads the world in cutting-edge low-energy technology.’
Further along the table Millie’s looking like she’s going to burst. ‘Excuse me, but that’s a load of cobblers. Clemmie and Charlie aren’t really cooking, they’ve actually gone to get one of those ITV babies that they make in a dish!’
If the castle turret had fallen on his head Ross couldn’t look any more shocked. ‘They toldyouabout theIVF?’
Millie’s beaming. ‘Not justme–everyoneknows. We even had a lesson about it at school. Sometimes when the sperm and egg don’t get together normally you have to help things along.’ She gives Ross a hard stare. ‘I’d have thought you’d know all about this if you’re a vet.’
He’s shaking his head. ‘Cats with UT infections are more my thing. But thanks for explaining.’
It’s almost worth the secret being village-wide to see the appalled look on Ross’s face. It’s so funny I’m biting my lip to hold in my smile.
Millie’s grinning at him. ‘Not everyone needs IVF. I actually arrived a lot earlier than my mum planned. She got pregnant with me when she was at uni.’
That came out of nowhere, and hits me like a punch in the chest. And it serves me right for laughing at Ross. In front of anyone else I’d just let it pass until I’d recovered enough to get my breath back. But with Ross here watching I have to beat away that winded feeling. From somewhere I find enough air to sound really bright and make a very important point. ‘Ijust knowyour mum would have been really happy you came along, Millie.’
Millie nods. ‘I was a surprise, but the nicest sort.’ She wrinkles her nose. ‘For a while it was just Mum and me, then we found Nate, who’s my dad now, then Mum had the twins and Maisie, and now there are loads of us.’
I wink at her. ‘So many you need a castle to live in.’
There’s a twang in my chest as I see this real, amazing, lovely, three-dimensional person here in front of me. And I know children grow in all shapes and sizes, and their personalities and talents are all completely individual. But I can’t help thinking that ifmyuni baby had been born and grown up she would have been approximately Millie’s size now.
Ours, even.
There’s a bigger pang still. Their ages might have been close enough for them to have been in the same class at school. Which is a ridiculous thing to think at all, because there’s no way I’d have lived in St Aidan. Which is exactly why I’ve always tried not to think about what might have been. Because when you do, it is mind-blowing as well as upsetting.
I deliberately try not to look at Ross unless I can help it. But when I accidentally catch a glimpse of the shadows under his cheekbones he isn’t even thinking about what Millie’s said at all because his eyes are locked on a fishing boat halfway across the bay.
Millie’s cry makes him jump. ‘You can’t afford to hang around, Ross, even male fertility doesn’t last for ever. You definitely need to have a go on the speed-dating table.’
Then he must sense my gaze on the back of his neck, because he jerks his head round to look at Millie. ‘You talk a lot, don’t you?’ He breaks off to laugh, which makes it more of a joke than the accusation it first sounded like. ‘You remind me a lot of Cressy when she was a couple of years older than you.’
He has to be told. ‘It’s never a good thing to rake up the past, Ross. Especially bits about me as a teenager.’
He’s straight back at me. ‘Let’s talk about the future then.’ If he’s made my stomach turn a cartwheel, that’s only more proof of how inconsiderate he is. ‘If you’re still looking for work there are some hours at the surgery. We have a filing cabinet full of client notes that all need to be transferred to the computer. It pays, it’s a lot cleaner than feeding cows, and I can’t personally think of any reason you wouldn’t jump at it.’
He seems to think he’s doing me a favour, which just goes to show how out of touch he is with bloody everything. If it were the last job in the world, I’d still rather jump in the sea than work with Ross. Even if it meant ruining my beloved pink suede Converse. Which means I’ve got approximately ten seconds to come up with some better work, and more importantly it has to sound real.
As Nell and Plum wander towards the table there’s a collective shimmer of turquoise and pink and my shout is heartfelt. ‘Hey, saved by the Nell!’
As Plum does a twirl there’s a clatter of shells as her hair braids collide. ‘How do you like our mermaid tails?’
‘They’re totally fab, but there’s an idea I’m bursting to tell you about.’ It’s one tiny thought, but I need to make it sound huge. ‘There’s been so much interest in the cakes this afternoon, I’ve decided to run some small-group baking tuition evenings.’ It’s mad, it’s crazy, and it’s as much of a surprise to me to hear the words that are tumbling out of my mouth as it must be for everyone else.
Considering how tightly her ankles are tied together by her mermaid tail, Nell’s star jump is spectacular. ‘Now that’s what I call a brainwave, Cressy!’
Plum’s laughing. ‘There’ll definitely be takers for that!’
I’m thinking as I speak, making this up as I go along. ‘I wouldn’t want to use Clemmie’s flat, so I’d do them in people’s homes instead. Like at Kittiwake Court, but scaled down.’ I’m emphasising the small, because I don’t want to talk myself into anything I can’t handle. But I also want to make it sound like I’ve thought it through. ‘I’ll put up posters in the local shops tomorrow and a post on the village Facebook page, and take it from there.’
