He’s shaking his head. ‘There’s a lot to clear up here, Cressy. It was Charlie who had the crazy idea I should move into the flat, not me. Charlie was worried aboutyou, and I wanted to helphim. Heaven knows why, but he thought it might be good if I were there in case of emergencies.’
‘Like tonight.’ I’m feeling about two inches tall, because Charlie’s right. And obviously it’s his call to make. And there’s no way I’m going to rake up the past to explain to him why I’d hate Ross to stay. So I’m going to back down here. And then I’m going to go. And however tough it is to be sharing a small space with someone I dislike, because of how badly they let me down, I’ll just have to get on with it and be the bigger person. ‘The single room’s spare at Clemmie’s. Or better still, I’ll move and leave you the big one.’
He rolls his eyes, then they turn flinty. ‘That won’t be necessary. As for my hands, I don’t need anyone’s pity.Especially not yours!’
And then he marches out to the waiting room, and swings Pancake in her basket out to the car, and I’m left staring at Diesel. ‘That went well.Not.And we still don’t know if he’s coming.’ Then Diesel gives my hand a lick, and we follow Ross out into the dusk.
By the time we reach the car Pancake’s back on the front seat and Ross is already closing the door. ‘Bring her in first thing Monday. We’ll check her over again and take some bloods.’ He tosses me a small plastic pot. ‘And bring a pee sample too.’
‘Thanks for sorting this, Ross.’ However ungracious I feel, and however much I wish I hadn’t had to turn to him, I’m still truly grateful for what he’s done here. And that’s not all, but this comes out less easily. ‘I’ll find you a spare key for Clemmie’s. Will Monday be soon enough?’
‘There’s no rush.’ He steps back from the car, digs his hands in his pockets, and swallows. ‘I always try to be there for the people I care about, Cressy. That’s my way, it’s all this is.’
Except we both know that’s not true. Because when I needed him, he wasn’t there at all.
9
At Kittiwake Court
Icing and anarchy
Tuesday afternoon
‘Hello, everyone, I’m Cressida Cupcake and I’m here to fill the world with love and butterfly buns.’
It’s the next Tuesday afternoon, we’re back at Kittiwake Court again and, believe me, as I look over the heads in front of me my smile is a lot more dazzling than I feel inside. When I agreed to whizz up some buttercream it was supposed to be me and a few residents at a table. If I’d known I’d be standing up in front of an audience there’s no way I’d have come.
There are times in life where you just have to stop hyperventilating and go with the flow. The only way forward is to tie up my apron, plug in the lovely pink mixer I’ve borrowed from Clemmie’s and go.
Joanie is calling from the centre. ‘You don’treallymind, do you, Cressy? It’s lovely to see you as you are on screen, that’s all.’
I can’t help smiling at her. ‘It’s fine just this once. But I can’talwaysdo all the work.’ I can’t believe I’m talking as if this is going to be a regular gig.
I turn to where Nell is adding a chair to the end of the row. ‘What about Diesel and his therapy visits?’
She’s already tucking him in at her feet. ‘We’ll do those afterwards. Plum and Sophie are here to help me keep an eye on him.’
Diesel’s resigned sigh is halfway to a snore so it’s hardly going to take three of them. I’m just hoping I’ve brought enough cupcakes.
It’s as if Jen’s read my mind. ‘Don’t worry about numbers, Cressy, we’re expecting quite a few visitors today, so chef made up extra buns this morning.’ She’s not joking; there are as many young people here as there are older ones. She lifts an eyebrow. ‘All the off-duty staff are here, and there are family members too. And then friends. And friends of friends.’ As she nods across at the terrace doors another group slides around the edge of the room.
‘Great!’ My tummy is turning cartwheels with so many eyes on me, but as I flick back my ponytail I also catch sight of all the lovely people from last week at the front. And without realising, I’m smiling a proper smile at them as I raise my voice to reach the people at the back. ‘If I don’t get this right first time I’ll just have to do another take. Are you all okay with that?’
There’s a series of nods and Pam and Joanie chorus, ‘Absolutely.’
The truth is, now it’s happening it really doesn’t bother me how many people are watching, so long as a certain vet isn’t anywhere near.
Talking of animals, my furry patient at home picked up as soon as she’d had her antibiotic shot and by Sunday she was eating for England again. When we staggered all the way down the stairs and drove her up to the surgery yesterday I’d been dreading our Monday appointment pretty much since we’d left the first time. But more fool me, because Ross wasn’t even there. Instead we saw Elise, who was young and pretty and sang Ross’s praises so long and loud, she has to have a crush. By the time Pancake’s blood was in the tube I was feeling quite pale.
Then I left Ross’s keys to the flat at the reception desk, which means I’ve been on a knife edge ever since waiting for him to arrive – but he didn’t. In fact it’s a relief to be out so I don’t have to listen for the sound of his key turning in the flat door.
As I look at my friends in the front I’m wondering how to play this. My YouTube clips make things look effortlessly perfect thanks to the editing, but I always try to be completely myself.
I give a little grimace. ‘I’ll let you all into a secret. I had to look up how to make butterfly buns, because I’ve never actually made them before.’ I can only think Charlie and I missed them out in the rush to get from iced buns onto meringues. ‘But luckily for me there’s a picnic basket in the kitchen where I’m staying that’s filled with Clemmie’s gran, Laura’s, recipe cards.’ The instructions for butterfly buns from there were brilliant, right down to the last sprinkling of icing sugar. Then something else strikes me. ‘Even counting the baking programme, this is the first time I’ve worked withthismany people in the kitchen.’
Joanie smiles back at me. ‘Knowing Laura’s baking, they’ll be good. Don’t worry, my lovely, there’s a first time for everything.’
Pam nods. ‘I remember my first day as deputy headmistress up at the school, it was terrifying.’
