His hands are already on my shoulders and as he turns me around he’s whistling Merwyn who comes careering off his cushion and scuttles out of the room ahead of us. He steers me out of the front door, into the salty breeze and the sunshine, along the path at the side of the castle, and round the corner towards the pretty terrace decked with unlit fairy lights. Beyond the box sprigs is the hot tub, but instead of the covers being on, the steam is rising. And sitting neck-deep in bubbles, there’s a whole crowd of women, laughing and waving glasses in the air.
He’s laughing in my ear. ‘See those bikini tops on the floor along with their towels? That’s why it has to be you not me.’
I groan and catch hold of Merwyn’s collar. ‘Who are they?’
‘They’re definitely not on our guest list.’ Nic pulls down the corners of his mouth. ‘We just need to move them on.’
As I march into the open across the daisy speckled lawn I’m pleased I’ve had practice at the fairs. ‘Excuse me, ladies, can I help you?’
The first woman pushes her sunnies up as far as her streaky blonde messy bun. ‘More bubbly would be nice, please. And if you see Bill, tell him Miranda’s girls have arrived for the wellbeing weekend.’
My mouth drops open. ‘But surely, that’s tomorrow?’ Then I close it again and take a breath. ‘I’m sorry, we have an event here today.’
‘So you’re the reason we couldn’t get our camper vans parked!’ The way her chin is jutting, she’s not happy and she’s not backing down either. ‘I was here in December, so I know that can’t be right. Bill never has mid-week guests.’
‘He does now. We’re Cockle Shell Castle’s first wedding.’
Miranda snorts. ‘It’s a shame Bill didn’t share that with us before we set off at five to get the extra day in.’ Her annoyed tone softens to a purr. ‘Maybe we could bring our picnic and join you? You can never have too many people for a confetti shot.’ She flutters her eyelashes and wiggles her cleavage straight at Nic. ‘Obviously we’ll get dressed for that. I promise you we’re equally gorgeous with our clothes on. We might be on the golden side of fifty, but we all still appreciate hotties like you in tuxes.’
Nic’s smiling at her. ‘A lovely idea. But we’re already very full.’
Miranda’s eyebrows shoot up. ‘Fine, in that case we’ll head to the beach. That’s private too, you know.’ There’s a wicked twinkle in her eye. ‘It’s our mission this weekend to open Bill’s eyes to the joys of naked sunbathing. There’s nothing like a sea breeze on your bare butt cheeks.’
Nic’s hissing at me from behind his hand. ‘Looks like they’re staying for the day then.’
I murmur to Nic. ‘Give me a minute.’
I dash through to the stores beyond the kitchen and pull open the wine fridge. Then with my arms full I hurry back to the terrace and wave a bottle of chilled fizz at the hot tub. ‘To make up for the disappointment, how about you have a drink on us, somewhere in St Aidan. Then come back to the castle again tomorrow – late afternoon would work well.’
Miranda’s narrowing her eyes. ‘One bottle’s not going to go very far between eight of us is it?’
I’m smiling at her cheek, nodding at what I’m clutching in my other arm. ‘That’s why I’ve brought you four.’
‘In which case, you have yourself a deal.’ She’s out and wrapped in her towel before you can say ‘over-exposure’.
As we finally watch them all skip across the lawn along the path that leads to the distillery, I turn to Nic. ‘If that’s Bill’s festive lot back for a revisit, I can see why he was reluctant to do weddings.’
‘Good job, Milla Vanilla.’
I lean in to Nic’s high five. And unlike the last time I tried to high five him and ended up in his arms, this time our hands meet perfectly in mid-air. I’m laughing, mostly with relief that Miranda’s gone. ‘We make a great team, Captain Kirk. What a nightmare they were.’
He’s shaking his head. ‘It could have been worse, at least they weren’t playing naked Twister. Come on, we don’t want to miss that confetti shot.’
And seamlessly, the day is back on course again. And if I’m hanging back a little, just to enjoy how easily those words rolled off Nic’s tongue, after everything we’ve been through to get here, you can’t blame me for taking a moment. There’s the castle with its chunky towers etched against the billowy white clouds behind us, the sea shimmering into the distance around the bay. The sound of the waves ebbing and flowing on the sand out beyond the lawns, the faint movement of sea air across my cheeks. Then, walking away, there’s the man who’s so beautiful and broken that my heart breaks all over again for him.
And sometime tomorrow I’ll walk away from him too and nothing for me will ever be quite the same again. There will be no excuses to text him to tell him off for being indecisive about gin garnish. No reason to call him and summon him to the shop to see my latest find. I know it’s going to be hard. But I’m getting through it by telling myself he’ll still be there to wave to when he’s out onSnow Goose’sdeck every evening, propping his back against the mast as he watches the sun go down. Not that I’ll be stalking him. But if I time it right, we’ll still manage a cheery hello most mornings as I’m getting in my van and he’s nipping across to the harbour master’s offices for a shower. If I leave the shop on the dot of twelve thirty, it’s likely I’ll pass him on the cobbles on his way to the bakery to buy his lunchtime sandwich as I take Merwyn for his run on the beach.
I’ve thought it all through. It isn’t going to be easy. Call me my mother’s daughter, but I’ve got my Spotify playlist ready – all the songs that have formed the backdrop to the last few months. That will be my crutch to get me through the hard times of my withdrawal. If I stick at it for a few months, it should be completely do-able. What matters is, he’s still going to be there. He just won’t be there with me so much. And it may take a while, but I’ll have to learn to live with that. Learn to be happy expressing my one-sided adoration and concern from a hundred yards away instead of across a table or the front of a car.
But for now I need to let myself be. Soak up every moment. Make the day last as long as I can.
Chapter 35
Even later on Thursday.
On the terrace outside at Cockle Shell Castle.
Cake faces and long afternoons.
