His eyebrows go up in question. ‘If they’ve run out of raspberry sauce by the time we get to the Surf Shack I promise we’ll find something equally yummy to dribble on your cone.’
I let out a sigh. ‘I’d actually forgotten about the cafe.’
‘What the eff, Milla? If it’s serious enough to eclipse the ice cream you definitely need to share this.’
For once I’m too tired to pretend any more. ‘It’s nothing really. Except this walk on the beach reminds me of everything I signed up for when I got engaged to Ben.’
Nic’s standing beside me staring out at the waves as they break on the shore. ‘That’s a lot more than nothing.’
As I rationalise in my head yet again, it has to be for the millionth time. ‘I’m know I’m better off without Ben …’
Nic does one of his choking coughs. ‘Ben’s a bastard – you deserve so much more.’
I let out another sigh. ‘But the dog and the child and the home and the husband are what I wanted and won’t ever have now.’
Nic nods. ‘But Phoebe will.’
I sniff. ‘It’s not just the baby … they’re getting married too.’
Nic gives a groan. ‘I hate those two.’
‘And then they’ll be buying the cottage in the country. I know I loved the city, but that was another of my dreams that Phoebe stole.’
Nic’s nodding. ‘Seriously, that woman is such bad news.’ He stares out to where a fishing boat is bobbing towards the horizon. ‘If we’re completely honest, a lot of us would secretly settle for a glass of wine, a dog or two, and a woodburner.’
I can’t hide my surprise. ‘And to think I had you down as a space captain who wouldn’t give up until you’d toured every galaxy and ocean.’
He gives a shrug. ‘When I’m sailing and the storms are at their roughest, it’s the thought of the cosy fireside that always gets me home again.’
There’s something solid and reassuring about standing next to Nic when he’s being so honest. I hadn’t expected his dreams would be so simple and down-to-earth. And it’s surprising and fascinating that our secret fantasies are so similar. ‘I mind about all of it a lot less now than I did when I got here.’
Nic’s eyes are dark and thoughtful as he looks down at me. ‘It sounds like a cliché but the Cornish sea air can be very healing.’
I know I’m rambling. ‘If it hadn’t been for Pixie’s wedding I might have rushed back to Bristol. I won’t ever be looking for those things in life now. But maybe Poppy’s right. Maybe I should stay here until I don’t mind about the past anymore.’
His voice is low and measured. ‘Sometimes if you get to know yourself better, that helps too.’
‘It’s funny, when I got here my emotional life was falling apart, but I still had my professional confidence. When I was bigging myself up to you that first day, I was so certain of my ability to deliver you the perfect wedding. But maybe I’m not all that after all.’
Nic gives me a nudge. ‘You surely aren’t going to tell me you’ve lost your magic?’
I have to level with him. ‘I’m only being realistic. Since I’ve been in St Aidan, everything I touch turns to shit.’
Nic’s frowning. ‘That’s not true. In any case, real life isn’t ever perfect; the imperfections are what make it interesting.’
I have to disagree. ‘These last couple of months it’s been one disaster after another for me. Cock-ups, epic fails and catastrophes. Monumental mistakes and enormous failures. Eff-ups and dog’s breakfasts.’
Nic’s lips are lilting. ‘Think about all the things you do succeed at, rather than the bits that don’t work out. You have so many amazing qualities, Milla, those are what you need to focus on. No one’s good at everything, remember. Accepting yourself as you are can set you free.’
‘In my case it might just finish me off.’
He’s giving me a sideways look. ‘Or it’s possible you’ve been trying to be someone else for too long, and this is the real you finally breaking through.’
‘Bloody hell, Nic, you sound a lot like my mum in her Hari Krishna phase.’
That really makes him smile. Which makes it all the worse for me because when he does my stomach instantly dissolves. He clears his throat. ‘The point is, we don’t all get the lives we plan for. Take Bill – for a long time he was in a relationship that didn’t make him happy and after they split he hadn’t seen Abby for a year. Then Ivy came along, and here he is, back with Abby again.’
‘When did you find this out?’ Nic’s full of surprises this afternoon.
