He shakes his head. ‘I didn’t get around to replacing him. He and Gemma didn’t make a go of it though, they aren’t together any more.’
‘Right.’ I’m sounding doubtful because I still don’t know why he’s telling me this.
‘I want to be honest and open going forward, some background might help put things into context.’
‘Great.’ He’s sounding so much like Libby now I might have been better to go with Chamonix. ‘Shall we put the volume up now and sing along to the Christmas tunes? Get in the mood.’
‘What, toChristmas Wrappingby the Waitresses?’ His voice is high with disbelief. ‘Good luck with that, of all the songs to choose that one’s impossible to join in with.’
I sigh. ‘Okay, fine, we’ll sing as soon as the next one comes on.’
He glances across at me. ‘If we’re going to see more of each other I don’t want to hide anything, that’s all.’
It comes out as a choke as I catch my breath. ‘More …?’
He’s glancing across at me. ‘That’s what I was hoping, so long as you’d like that too?’
I’m opening and closing my mouth and nothing’s coming out. The Waitresses are singing about their happy ending, and I’m not quite ready to believe that mine is happening too. And as I’m deciding whether to say, fine shall we get married this week or next, or thinking if I should ask if this is just another wind up, his phone beeps.
He sounds excited. ‘Can you check that and read it out for me, it could be from Abby.’
I pick up his phone and look. ‘It’s from Gemma.’
‘So what does she say?’
‘She says,Great to see you earlier, Abby’s so excited you’ll be coming to live with us again.Why wait til January, why not come with us to Davos for Christmas?’
‘What?’ He frowns across at me. ‘Are yousure?’
Considering my chest just imploded, I’m doing well to reply. ‘I’d hardly have made that up, would I?’
‘Oh crap.’ He lets out a long breath and hits his head. ‘I’m so sorry, Ivy.’
I’m muttering under my breath. ‘Not half as sorry as I am.’
He’s tapping the steering wheel, shaking his head. ‘You shouldn’t be caught in the middle of this, it’s not fair.’
Except that’s the whole thing, no one’s actually caught anywhere. He’s been generous enough to try to help me past the accident, but that’s obviously as a friend. We had one amazing night together. For me that night happened to be the best few hours of my life so far. But as I realised earlier, we come from very different places. For him it probably only served to confirm everything better he’s been missing. We all know, it’s the first rule of choosing guys to see – anyone who’s fresh out of a relationship is likely to boomerang right back into it given half a chance.
Bill has just seen the partner and child he’s been pining for for an entire year – if Gemma’s asking him back, why wouldn’t he want to give it another go?
As he stares across at me in the darkness his voice is so strained I sense he’s gone pale. ‘There are things I should explain …’
‘I’d actually rather you didn’t.’ This way at least I get to keep my pride. If we skip the excuses about why I’m second best, I can walk away with my head held high, wishing him well.
He’s blowing out his lips. ‘I’ve got a lot of sorting out to do here.’
He’s not joking there. But if he’s got another chance of being a full time dad to that amazing little girl, he has to take it.
As for me, I’m back to pretty much where I was this time yesterday. Obviously there’s the added irritation of being without a job. But there’s absolutely zero reason to feel like my whole world has folded to nothing. I went to the top of the emotional roller coaster. And then to the bottom again. All in the course of a few hours. Now I’ve got off altogether. More fool me for letting my delusions get the better of me.
So all I can think to myself is –Let’s get on with Christmas. Yay!
But admittedly, the Yay! is very feeble. And somehow I can’t bring myself to say anything else, and neither can Bill. And we sit in silence the whole way back to Cornwall.
