I didn’t have Miranda down as a blusher, but her cheeks are suddenly very pink and she’s flapping her fingers in front of her face and talking really fast. ‘And if Keef was at the woodpile it was a total coincidence.’
I’m smiling at Miranda to move this on. ‘It’s a shame you missed Rob, two minutes earlier you could have told him your news and showed him how sparkly your ring is.’
Her right hand slaps over her left one and if she’s trying to hide her empty finger it’s worked. ‘I left it upstairs for now, it’s a little loose – I’d hate for it to fall off and get lost.’
As if that would happen. Now she comes to mention it, it hits me what her diamond reminds me of. You know when people have bunches of keys with tennis balls attached, so they don’t get misplaced? Well, that. A tennis ball’s about the size of it anyway. Just saying. She might not want to wear it, but if she tied it to her key ring at least she’d always be able to find her keys.
Fliss grins at her. ‘Don’t be ridiculous Mum, it’s such a rock, if you dropped it you’d be more likely to cause an obstruction in the street or break a leg falling over the thing than lose it.’
It’s one thing thinking it, and quite another saying it. Maybe I’m not the only one Willow’s hit with a truth collar.
‘Let’s go and get you a tea, Miranda, there are lots of delicious muffins in the kitchen too.’
She pulls a face. ‘Tea would be lovely, sweetheart, but I’d better give the muffins a miss.’
Fliss rounds on her. ‘Why?’
‘You know Ambie, he’ll definitely want a slender bride.’ When did Miranda ever have a tiny voice? She usually booms like a fog horn. If sea glass makes you blurty, it’s like Ambie’s diamond has turned her into the Queen with a teensy voice overnight. ‘He’s always telling me, when Betty turned sideways she was so thin she used to disappear.’
Fliss lets out a squawk. ‘Jeez Mother, Betty died of cancer, that’s why there was nothing of her. You’ve always been curvy, that’s why you’ve got guys buzzing round your boobs like …’
‘Like surfies round a big wave?’ That was me, with an effing great push from my necklace. ‘Or, if you don’t mind a honey pot cliché, bees work just as well.’ As I hear a door slam and footsteps in the corridor, I pick up Harriet and push her at Miranda, and shoo Fliss and Oscar towards the door. ‘This could be Bill – you make tea, I’ll clean up in here. Hurry up, off you go.’ I can hear Oscar yelling his Daddy Facetime chant all the way back to the kitchen.
We were talking about regrets last night. As the others leave and I take in the enormity of the muffin spread I’m certainly regretting this particular tidying offer.
I look down at Merwyn and let out a loud groan. ‘Jeez, blueberry muffins knee-ed into a white duvet cover!Quel désastre.’
He looks up at me, puts his front paws up on the bed, then looks at me again. If he were Tom, he’d be saying,Mother, it’s bloody obvious, stop messing, just do it.
I’m looking back at him. ‘I don’t know, Merwyn, if Tansy catches me using you like a hoover, I’ll never hear the last of it.’
I nip and close the door and wedge a stool in front of it. A second later I’ve scooped him up by the bottom, lowered his nose to duvet level, and I’m skimming him around the bed. I let out a sigh. ‘Sorry, Merwyn, desperate times and all that … we’ll call this your one Christmas treat … after this you’re back to your Lily’s Kitchen Rise and Shine Doggy Specials all the way to New Year.’
Then despite the stool, the door bursts open, and as Bill appears I’m kicking myself for not using the Do Not Disturb sign, and pulling Merwyn close to my chest so it looks like Bill just walked in on us having a quiet Sunday morning cuddle.
‘Were you talking French back there?’
‘I didn’t mean to – it must be catching.’ Like a lot of other things round here.
He’s scrutinising me now. ‘Are you okay? You look a bit pale that’s all. And you’ve been in here ages, yet there’s a completely unstarted muffin next to your laptop. That’s very telling.’
I’m going to have to give him something here. ‘Someone I know in London is possibly making a huge mistake. If I were there I’d be straight round to sort them out. But as I’m not I’ll just have to forget about it, and get on with my day.’
He’s screwing up his face. ‘And are those wet splodges on the bed?’
I’m hoping he won’t be too cross. ‘Ooops, sorry, Fliss’s tinies were in here with breakfast earlier Facetiming their dad.’ I’m kicking myself. ‘Ooops, sorry again … shouldn’t have said that. Lovely muffins by the way, please pass my compliments on to whoever does your baking.’
‘You don’t have to tiptoe around me, Pom Pom.’
He has no idea what a relief it is to hear that. ‘In that case, as we’re here … I’ve been thinking …’
He drags in a breath. ‘Yes?’
‘It’s Christmas, it’s the season of goodwill, it’s the perfect opportunity to ask Gemma to let you see Abby. I mean, from what you said everything’s still informal between you, technically you’re both still looking after her.’
‘What?’ He blinks. ‘It’s Sunday today, they’re flying out to Davos early Tuesday until after New Year.’
‘Which leaves you plenty of time, then.’ I grin at him.
