Bill’s chest heaves as he sighs. ‘It could just as easily have been the other way round. You were the lucky one, you walked away, and you shouldn’t waste that chance. You have to let go of the guilt – beating yourself up for something you can’t change is only going to get in the way.’ He stops for a while. ‘It’s more important than ever now for you to have the best time, to get on and live your best life. I’d say you owe it to Michael to do that.’
His jumper is warm against my cheek. ‘That helps, thank you, it’s a good way of thinking about it.’
‘You already go the extra mile for everyone else, it’s time you did the same for yourself.’
It’s hard to explain. ‘It’s fine to do things for other people, because it’s like paying back.’
‘But of everyone I know, Ivy-leaf you’re the one who deserves the good things for yourself too. It’s time you let yourself have them.’
I swallow away the lump in my throat. ‘Maybe.’
I can hear the smile in his voice. ‘You need to remember how carefree you were that afternoon by the fire in Chamonix. I’d like to hear you laugh like that again.’
That’s the thing, I’m not sure I ever have. ‘So, we’ve both got to work on the hard stuff.’
I can hear his laugh reverberating in his chest, he’s probably raising an eyebrow to match. ‘How about if we stay here all night and miss the films, will we regret that?’
As a rogue wave comes rushing towards us up the sand, just before it hits my feet I jump. When I look up again he’s three feet away, his jacket flapping in the space where I was.
‘What – stay here, and get washed out to sea?’ There’s a sudden chill now I’ve stepped away from the warmth of his body. However much I’d like to burrow in and go back for more, I won’t ever be able to ask. ‘You please yourself, but there’s no way I’m going to miss Christmas.’
He lets out a groan. ‘Tell me you’re not going to make me watchLove Actually?’
‘That’s not all. There’sMama Mia!too.’
He gives a fake grimace, but he’s still hanging around on the spot, barely moving. ‘So much to look forward to.’
But I’ve had my high point, the last ten minutes have been everything I’ve wished for for the last seven years and more. Being wrapped in his arms was every bit as good as I anticipated. Yes, I was pushing my luck and making the most of his misery, and true, it did have a ‘friend’ sticker firmly attached before it even began. But even taking all of the above into account, perfect doesn’t begin to cover it.
And if Bill’s telling me to do something for myself, I just have. At this moment I have to be the happiest woman in Cornwall. And bearing in mind Miranda got the proposal she’d been working for probably since the day she met Ambie, and a rock and a half to match, there’s a lot of happy washing around in the county to beat, the Cornish happy-ometer is riding pretty high.
But I’m going to take a second to relive the last ten minutes, wrap them very carefully in tissue paper, and tuck them away in my safest memory box.
Then I need to whistle Merwyn and make a run for the castle before anything happens to spoil it.
