Fliss wrinkles her nose and ignores him. ‘It’s more a substitution than a metaphor. Even if Rob was alone he had to be dashing off for a quickie at the office didn’t he? Outside of retail, that’s the only reason people ever go into work on a Saturday.’
I suppress a shiver and decide some questions are best without an answer. ‘Is anyone else cold?’
Fliss pulls a face. ‘The temperature has dropped but it’s hard to tell, I’ve got my dressing gown on under here, I was hoping the padding would give me the wow factor for Rob.’
‘Are you sure you’re channelling the right look there?’ Maybe she and Robhavelost their mojo. It’s not that long ago, if Rob went away on a site visit she’d Facetime him naked.
She sends me a wink. ‘Don’t doubt me, I know my audience, Rob loves my Mama Pingu persona – or at least he used to.’ She stops short and her wistful sigh turns to a moan. ‘Oh shit, what if I’m going to be the first one in the family to get divorced? Libby’s so much better than me with her perfect husband and having her kids, and sorting her business. Rob loving me was the one thing I was doing right, I’ve stuffed up the only thing I had to be proud of.’
At the far end of the kitchen Milo bangs the oven door closed and pops up into view behind the island unit. ‘If anyone’s wondering, it’s boiling over here, but Iamslaving over a hot Aga.’ He brushes back his fringe, and smooths down Bill’s apron. ‘But it’s fab being in the kitchen unimpeded for once.’ We all know that’s a jibe at Bill.
‘Stay nice, Milo, bitching doesn’t suit you.’
He gives me a look. ‘There’s a stack of banana pancakes with maple syrup and whipped cream here, and a pot of coffee whenever you’re ready, Ivy-leaf.’
I’m sucking back my drool, making up for being a bit sharp back there by not telling him off for the leaf bit. ‘Cool, that’s lovely. I’ll just grab extra sweaters from upstairs for Merwyn and me, and I’ll be with you.’
Fliss’s eyes have lit up. ‘This onesie is very forgiving, Harriet and I would love more pancakes while you’re there please.’
My timing’s good. I’ve just made it back to Fliss at the table with a tray loaded with pancakes when Tom, Tiff and Tansy come in, strangely mute, all wearing headphones, their wires all leading back to the pocket of Tom’s jeans. As for the weather, we must be having one of those Arctic blasts from Siberia. The bedroom was so much like a fridge after the warmth of the kitchen that I added my thermal vest as well as my red and pink stripey jumper with mini Christmas trees on it. And Merwyn was super-grateful when I popped his red and white fair isle jumper on him too.
When Willow and her three come in a few minutes later, I stuff my mouth with banana and cream, and brace myself. To be honest, if yesterday’s blurting is anything to go by, I’d rather sidestep her suggestions and keep my chakras blocked and my aura up the spout. But luckily I’m spared, because they’re deep in conversation in Spanish.
As they come to a natural pause in their gluten free pancakes and in-depth discussion, Fliss leans across to Willow. ‘It’s colder today, have you noticed?’
Willow’s forehead furrows as she considers. ‘We make our own inner energy through meditation, and have a fully insulated timber house with passive solar heating, we don’t tend to tune in to outside temperature changes.’
‘Right.’ Fliss and I are looking at each other pulling WTF? faces, then she leans across to me with her eyes shining. ‘You do realise, this could mean snow. Can you believe, Oscar hasn’t ever seen it.’
A second later there’s a shimmer and the unmistakable crackle of expansive gold puffa and Miranda sweeps into the room. ‘STUFF SNOW!!! I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THERE’S ICE CHIPS COMING OUT OF OUR SHOWER!’ She’s renowned for enjoying a dramatic entrance. With her arms sticking out and her coat flying behind her like a celestial cape she’s certainly pulled one off here.
Fliss wrinkles her nose. ‘Morning, Mum, lovely to see you too, but aren’t you exaggerating a teensy bit there?’
Miranda’s nose goes up in the air. ‘Put it this way – you certainly won’t be complaining about ghostly banging today because it was too damned chilly for the ghost to show up …’
Fliss is putting her hands over her ears and shouting, ‘Okay, stop … too much information!!!’
‘I had to bring Ambie round with a stiff gin and put him in the hot tub to thaw out. And what does a woman have to do to get a cup of tea round here?’
As Miranda crackles off towards the Aga, I lean so I can see out of the French window, and sure enough, Ambie’s submerged all the way up to his Santa hat and waving a pint tumbler at me.
Milo might be making fresh pots of coffee for me, and pouring tea for Fliss, but he’s not doing the same for her mum. Instead he arrives at the table with a plate piled with pancakes for the kids, but as he turns to me his mouth is pinched rather than smiley. ‘Soverystrident. Andso veryunsuitable for Dad.’
Someone’s got to stand up for Miranda, so I nod at Milo’s dad outside. ‘She stops him being so stuffy, and anyway, I don’t see Ambie complaining.’
Miranda’s storming back towards us, her pink leopard dressing gown flying out from under her coat, her fluffy stiletto mules clacking on the floorboards although I think she’s also wearing Ambie’s woolly Argyle socks with them. ‘And where’s Bill anyway? Always AWOL when we need him.’
Right on cue Bill and Keef appear in the doorway. ‘Did someone call us?’
Miranda’s got one hand on her hip, and she’s waving her tea mug in the other. ‘What kind of an establishment are you running here, William? The water’s stone cold, the radiators too!’
If my stomach’s disappeared slightly, I’m blaming it on the fourth pancake and too much maple syrup, not on the dark circles under Bill’s eyes, and the shadows in the hollows of his cheeks. What is it about guys, the more wrecked they look, the more they make your tummy flip?
The way he jerks to a halt and opens his eyes wider, this isn’t what he’s expecting. ‘Ok-a-a-ay – I was out early, I’ve just come back in, are yousureabout this?’
Miranda’s eyes are flashing. ‘What, are you calling me a liar now? I might be over fifty and have been through more husbands than you’ve had hot dinners …’ note how she neatly subtracted a decade from her age there, she’s such a pro ‘… but I can tell when the bloody heating’s broken – I’m freezing my bloody tits off here, Bill.’
The way Bill’s blinking he’s struggling with the image as much as the rest of us. ‘Great … we might have lost the pilot light on the boiler. It does blow out occasionally if there’s a flukey wind.’
