Miranda sends Fliss a saccharine smile. ‘Fifties, sweetheart …’
Tom mutters, ‘Fifties, my arse.’
But this time Libby doesn’t sweep in to correct him, she just quietly murmurs, ‘Too right.’
Tarkie frowns at Tom. ‘Does that mean they’ll be having safe sex then?’
Tom’s face crinkles. ‘Senior railcards, more like.’
Tiff turns to Tarkie. ‘If you start banging on about the clitoris Tarkie, I’m going to mash you.’
Tarkie groans. ‘How will I, that’s the one I can’t remember!’
Fliss tries again. ‘So let’s drink … toMUM and AMBIEand theirDISENGAGEMENT!’
There’s a roar of applause, and everybody bangs on the tables so hard I’m hoping the plastic molecules are going to hold up. And as Keef catches my eye he’s got his elf waistcoat off and he’s twirling it around in the air. And then he grabs hold of Miranda and waltzes her off around the room.
Then as the mayhem dies down Libby claps her hands. ‘Okay, so how about you kids clear the tables then?’
If you want something doing, ask someone young. There’s the scraping of chair legs on the floor, and the stampede of feet and before we know it the tables are spotless, the kids are back in their seats again, and we’re watching Keef, Taj and Bede carrying in flaming Christmas puddings, followed by Slater with a tray of home made rum and toffee ice cream, Brian with a tray of vegan-friendly sorbets, and Nigel with jugs of rum sauce and cream and mince pies. And we all settle in for the next round.
And just when we really think we can’t possibly eat another thing, Keef comes around with coffees and brandy in glasses followed by Bill with a tray of hand made chocolates and truffles, with Kinder eggs for the kids.
By the time Willow comes round with her mini scoops of cucumber and ginger sorbet end-of-meal palate-cleanser-digestives, we are certain that one last mouthful will make us burst. But as usual, she’s right – they might look and smell disgusting, but the end result makes us pleased we went along with her, held our noses, and swallowed.
Then Libby stands up and coughs. ‘Okay, kids. While we clear away, just before you go back to your laminating, you’re going to playElf on the shelf. There are a hundred elves hidden all over the castle. Your job is to find them all, you can each take one of these baskets to collect them in.’ She nods to the pile in front of her.
I’m holding my breath because the last time I mentioned this game, they were so unimpressed they didn’t even bother to roll their eyes. But this time they don’t do that. Instead they throw up their arms, shout ‘yay’ and all grab a basket and dash off.
She sends me a smile. ‘Just another one of your little Christmas life-savers, Ivy.’
‘You’re welcome.’ As I grin back at her Fliss sends me a wink. Now we’re here, there’s something else I’ve been meaning to ask. ‘By the way, Libby, has Nathan been delayed?’ I double checked earlier. According to her hour by hour calendar he was pencilled in to arrive twenty-five hours ago.
For a moment her eyes go wide. There’s enough silence for Oscar to get down from the table, and start to bang on the table leg with a pepper mill. And when she replies she’s smiling but her voice is even more brittle than usual. ‘I’m pleased you asked that Ivy, you’re the first person who has. It’s strange, even the kids haven’t noticed he’s missing.’ She takes a breath. ‘Although seeing how little he’s been home these last few years, it’s probably business as usual for them.’
Fliss’s eyes are like saucers. ‘So where is he?’
Libby takes a breath. ‘He’s in St Moritz with his personal assistant, Gloria.’ She gives a shrug. ‘He’s been seeing her for years. At least this way it’s honest.’
Fliss is pulling a face. ‘I thought Gloria was old enough to be his mum?’
Miranda’s nodding. ‘Sexy, single and sixty! Old doesn’t mean we can’t rock their socks off!’
Libby looks appalled. ‘Obviously that’s not you, Mum, you’re way too young.’
I’m frowning. ‘And here’s me thinking he got you the castle for Christmas for romantic reasons – it shows you how wrong you can be looking in from the outside.’
Libby pulls a face. ‘It was simply the most expensive Christmas rental I’d seen before or since so I grabbed it. He had to pay somehow. He was invited, but he declined to come. At least this way we all got to enjoy it.’
Fliss is blinking at Rob. ‘So who else knows about this … I mean, what happens next … are you getting divorced?’
Libby shrugs. ‘I doubt we’ll bother with that. But Willow and Nigel have known for years and been very supportive.’
Fliss is blowing. ‘I’m sorry, Libs. How did I not know? I always thought you had it all.’
Libby’s smile is rueful. ‘I certainly put the work into making it look as if I do. And there’s nothing like a cheating husband to make you determined to make a success of your business.’ She smiles and catches Milo’s eye across the room. ‘And it hasn’t all been bad here. Have you ever tasted a coconut sponge as good as Milo’s?’
Miranda’s choking. ‘But how can you and Milo possibly be compatible when Ambie’s so wrong for me?’
