His face softens. ‘That’s the funny thing. When you lose someone you love, eventually the people who care about you tell you it’s okay to move on. Even you were saying that’s what Faye would have wanted me to do. But it’s hard to fall in love to order. Then when you do it’s harder still, especially when you’re still carrying the guilt.’
‘My poor, poor, Hobson.’ My heart is twisting at the thought of the pain he’s been through.
He shrugs. ‘I’d written myself off. But when I saw you and all your mermaid hair at Sophie’s launch it was like a thunderbolt hitting my world. And after that I couldn’t stay away.’
I want to take him in my arms and rock him and never let go. ‘I did notice you came round a lot.’
He’s shaking his head. ‘I’d try not to, then I’d find myself walking along the balcony. Baking was the perfect excuse to hang out with you so you got something out of it too. At first I was wracked with guilt for even thinking about it.’ As he closes his eyes for a second his lashes are soft and sooty. ‘When I baked with Cressy the first time around, I was hurting so much. Doing it all over again with you made me see how far I’d come. But somehow doing it with you was the final step in putting me back together again. At the start, I didn’t trust the thunderbolt was real, but by the end I knew for certain. I had fallen in love with you that first day, but every day I love you more.’
I swallow back tears stuck in my throat. ‘I pour egg white all over my head and you still say that?’ If I helped him to be happy that’s amazing. There’s a tiny voice inside my head telling me I can’t have this, but there’s a louder one. It’s Charlie’s from the beach, saying,You do deserve good things, Clems, there’s no one who deserves them more. This is everything I’d thought I couldn’t have, everything I want so much. But there’s a reason why I’ve only got one night with Charlie on my wish list. I haven’t got the first clue how to handle more.
He laughs. ‘It’s exactly the reason I love you.’ His voice is low. ‘You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too? And, obviously, Diesel adores you.’ He gives my foot a nudge to show he’s teasing.
As Diesel rolls over onto his back and prods me with his paw I rub his stomach. ‘And I love you too, Diesel.’ For the time being, I’m hoping Charlie will know he’s included in that. I’m screwing up my courage finding a way to tell Charlie I love him so much he makes me feel like throwing up. ‘Obviously, I’d love you more if you didn’t steal my elevenses.’
Charlie is dipping into his bag. ‘We also came to deliver these.’ There are three small packages wrapped in tissue paper, and he slides the smallest flattest one towards me.
Before I open it I already know what it is. ‘Another seascape?’ I sigh because as I look at it I can hear the roar of the waves. ‘And the others came from you too?’ I’m kicking myself for not realising sooner.
That makes him laugh ‘No one else would have sent you Pancake’s potted shrimps.’ His smile is rueful. ‘That’s the last picture in the series. They’re supposed to make you want to come back.’
My lips are twitching. ‘Thank you, they’re beautiful, they were actually what kept me going. Until this morning’s one didn’t arrive.’ I move on from that. ‘So what’s in the next one?’ When I pull off the tissue there’s a small green pear.
Charlie clears his throat. ‘It’s not quite ripe, but it’s from the tree in the garden.’
I sit up and try to breath in his scent. ‘That’s amazing. When we sat under that tree in the spring the blossom petals were falling like snow and I was squished under your arm pretending to be your girlfriend.’
He nods. ‘Back then you wouldn’t commit to any more than two days ahead and summer was too far away for you to think about, and yet here we are. It’s already August, the pears are almost ready. It hasn’t beenthatpainful, has it?’
I’ll let him have that one. ‘Nope. Give or take a disaster or two.’
He’s clasping my hand across the table. ‘I’ll let you into a secret.’ He takes a breath and rubs his thumb over my nail. ‘Settling down isn’t hard if it’s what you choose to do with the person you love. If you’re happy and life’s filled with love time flies. You don’t feel tied.’
I let out a sigh. ‘The most I’ve got my head around this far is a night with you. What if I mess up?’
His eyebrows lift. ‘You’ll never know if you don’t try. The thing is, I don’t want to end up like that Adele song we were listening to in the car. It’s no good us meeting up years down the line and thinking about what we might have had, I want us to be together now. So, I had to come and say that.’ He’s shuffled his chair around and he’s resting his temple against mine. ‘But you know what, Clems? The last thing I want is to persuade you to come home if it’s not what you want. I’m in love with you, I couldn’t love you any more, whenever you come back, I’ll be waiting.’
I’m glad I kept it in until now. ‘You won’t have too long to wait.’ I’m biting my lip. ‘When the postman accidentally missed delivering my picture this morning, I was so gutted it jolted me into realising I had to take control of my life. I’ve already started working on that.’
‘And?’ He’s squeezing my hand very tightly and the stubble of his face is pricking my cheek.
‘Maybe to start with I’ll take it one night at a time. But I’d love to be with you.’ I can’t hold back my grin any more. ‘I fly back tomorrow.’
He’s laughing now and he pulls me towards him into the sweetest most delicious snog. When he finally lets me go, my toes have turned to syrup and all I want to do is snog him again.
‘That’s brilliant, Clems. We’ll work on that wish list of yours. Turn a night into a lifetime, and we’ll be all good.’ He rubs his lips. ‘You might be back before us; with the pet regulations, it could take us a while. I hope there’s time for lunch before we leave, but you’ve one last present to open first.’
This guy and his stomach. I’m glad he doesn’t change, because I love him just as he is. ‘Is it a lipstick?’ The last package is smaller, and I’m frowning, then as I see what’s emerging I can’t help smiling. ‘It’s one of your penguins?’
He’s nodding. ‘I didn’t want to risk posting him. You are my penguin, aren’t you?’
For some reason my face is wet with tears as I laugh back at him. ‘Actually, Hobson, I think I am.’
He sighs. ‘And seeing as we’re in the most romantic city in the world, we need to have a proper kiss.’
And it’s a long time before I hear the noise of the traffic again.
39
