I whisper back to her ‘And retreat to a safe distance.’
There’s a mutter from the sofa. ‘Or better still run like hell.’
Plum’s peeping through the window, camera in hand, and Sophie and Milla are there next to her with more glasses and some mini packs of tissues with heart logos on. If Rachel doesn’t find the ring soon we might all pass out because none of us is daring to breathe.
Then there’s a cry from outside and a whoop that’s so loud it can only mean diamonds being unearthed from cake sponge. As everyone rushes forwards and out onto the balcony I hang back. In the distance, I can hear the notes of the musical box playing. Ben wanted to propose to ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’, but when Milla showed him the musical box, he put his phone away and wouldn’t hear of playing anything other than that.
Realistically, proposals aren’t anything I identify with. I can see they’re exciting for whoever’s doing them, but for someone who hasn’t ever found a guy I liked enough to call my boyfriend the idea of wanting to be with someone forever is too huge to get my head around. Obviously, Sophie can empathise completely, and Nell’s thrilled at her part in this, and Plum’s taking the pictures, so they all have to be there. But for now, I’m going to stay inside.
As I glance over my shoulder my gaze collides with Charlie’s. He looks down at Levi, and rubs the side of his thumb over one chubby leg. ‘Not going out?’
I scrunch up my face. ‘You know me, I struggle with the idea of promising further ahead than tomorrow, I wouldn’t want to jinx this. How about you?’ That’s a tactless question and the minute it’s out I wish I hadn’t asked. From the sad lines around his eyes, he’s probably thinking about proposing to Faye.
He pats Levi’s knee. ‘I’m on taxi duty, and the little guy’s out for the count. They want him in the photos, but I’ll let him get as many zeds as he can in the meantime.’
I move on to change the subject. ‘Nell’s brilliant with her matchmaking.’
He almost cuts me off. ‘For everyone else but herself, seriously someone needs to step in and help there.’ If only he knew. ‘We were chatting by the grill earlier. She’s great, isn’t she? Funny yet insightful, all in the same package.’ Maybe without the distraction of puddings she’s easier to appreciate.
I’m blocking the jealous twang in my chest, ashamed I’m wishing he were saying that about me. ‘You need to ask her to do her Boy George impression, it’s hysterical.’
Charlie’s half-grin is guilty. ‘Actually it was mostly you she was being hilarious about. She was telling me about the summer you were five and refused to eat anything except custard sandwiches.’
I’m happy to have the piss ripped out of me, but I have to go some way to denying this. ‘Truly, I don’t remember that, a lot of my childhood is a blank. She probably just made it up or confused me with someone else. But feel free to laugh anyway.’
As he raises one eyebrow he’s grave again. ‘No, she had every detail nailed, right down to you insisting on Bird’s Custard, not her mum’s egg version. It was the summer the four of you turned up miles down the coast – the time you all went off to look for your dad. Ring any bells?’ His querying gaze is piercing into me.
I let out a snort to lighten the mood. ‘I doubt I’d get miles now, let alone when I was five. In any case that would have been for Sophie, not me. It’s not a secret, her dad left too.’ If I concentrate really hard there’s a hazy image of us being driven home from Oyster Point in a coastguard’s car. A back seat that smelled of mermaids and damp seaweed. Then when we all tumbled out onto the sea front at St Aidan we couldn’t understand why our mums were annoyed. My mum wasn’t cross though, she just cried and cried. As a child, there’s nothing worse than seeing your parent upset and when you’ve only got one of them it’s way worse. She was still sniffing days later. After that I always avoided mentioning my dad in case I set her off again.
He’s staring at me quietly. ‘Nell was adamant, Sophie’s dad left the year after. So, however you remember it, you must have wanted to know about your real dad at one time.’ He drags in a breath. ‘This is what I meant about Nell being insightful. She feels this stuff is as important for you as I do, it’s good to have back up on this.’
As a measure of how uncomfortable I am with this being dragged up, I’d actually rather be proposed to. However much I wanted to hug him earlier, he’s hit a nerve here. I growl in the hope he’ll back off. ‘Bloody Nora, you were supposed to be barbecuing not doing psychoanalysis. Any other fuckwit conclusions you cooked up alongside the fish?’
At least he has the decency to look sheepish as he sighs and stares hard at Levi’s toes. ‘Seeing you’ve brought it up, I think Nell’s longing to have kids.’
‘Wow.’ My eyes pop open so wide they ache. ‘Shetold you that?’ It’s not a conversationwe’veever had.
He blows out his cheeks. ‘Not as such, it’s more of a gut feeling of how she was around Levi. The look on her face was the giveaway. Between us though, if she’s ready for a family the timing couldn’t be better.’
I’m picking my jaw up off the rag rug here, because I never noticed Nell anywhere near Levi this evening. Whatever he means about timing, it’s significant that Charlie’s picked this up. As I gaze at him lying there with Levi snoring on his chest, there’s a peculiar spasm in my tummy. Which is totally ridiculous. Me thinking I’d like a baby is my wildest thought yet. It’s so absurd it makes my wish list look sensible.
I work my way around to a suitably positive answer. ‘Well, all I can say is bring on the boat trip. Sunday’s shaping up to be a very exciting day.’
Charlie nods. ‘We’ll both get to work on the George thing early tomorrow.’
I’m vaguely confused. ‘You mean Boy George?’
‘No, Clems, notBoyGeorge.’ Charlie sighs. ‘Yourboss, George, the one you see in the office every morning. We’re making sure he comes on Sunday. Tell me you haven’t forgotten already?’ He looks up as there’s a burst of clapping. ‘How are they doing out there?’
‘Sophie’s waving at us to bring Levi out. It must be a done deal because they’re all downing champers like there’s no tomorrow.’
Charlie eases Levi upwards. ‘Would you take him while I stand up?’
At the thought of holding the baby again my stomach leaves the building. ‘Me? I can’t, I’ve got no idea what to do with a baby.’
Milla’s skipping in, and she stops by my elbow. ‘It’s fine Clemmie, just grab him round the middle and squish him against you.’ She’s so close I can feel her breath on my bare arm. ‘That’s it, you’ve got him, you’re fine.’
I take a step backwards and gasp as I close my arms around him. ‘He’s heavy … and very warm … and who knew babies were so velvety.’
