He’s laughing. ‘You’ve been directing your disapproving stare at me most days for the last three months, for every reason from me owning all the flats to my matching mug set. It’s not my fault if I’ve become a specialist at reading the fine print.’
I wait until he’s looking at me square in the face then fire: ‘Fuck off, Hobson.’
That just cracks him up more. ‘There you go, that’s the Force 10 version you rolled out there.’
‘Jeez, we’re inmykitchen, I demand the right to be as pissed off as I like. What do I have to do to get you to drop this?’
He hesitates, then apparently gives in. ‘So … going back to Joe. Have you changed your mind at all since you found the letter? You don’t think talking to him could be a way … to finding out more about your history?’
I’m not sure how the hell we’ve arrived here, but I do know a crap suggestion when I hear it. ‘If I did want to know more, he’d be thelastperson I’d ask.’
Charlie shrugs. ‘He seems like a sound guy, that’s all.’ And that’s so like a man. A couple of Peronis andeveryone’sfab.
This is so unbelievable I can’t help shouting. ‘You saw himfor lunch. How was that time to judgeanything? He’s the bad guy here, don’t forget, and you’re suddenly talking about him like you’re best mates.’
Charlie drags in a breath. ‘I’m just looking for a way to help.’
I grit my teeth, partly because I know he’s right. ‘Whatever happened back then, Joe’s dad’s had thirty years and more to come and find me – and he hasn’t. When someone has completely rejected me, I’m not going to lose every scrap of dignity and go banging on their door. I have my pride. No matter how much I’m aching to know the details, I refuse to go crawling toanyofthatfamily.’
He lets out a sigh. ‘So youwouldlike to know, I’m so pleased you finally confirmed that. It’s a healthy way to be, Clems.’ There’s such concern in his eyes, it’s hard to be as cross as I should be.
‘Maybe … I don’t know …’ To be honest I hardly know what I feel, other than very mixed up. ‘Knowing someone left you, even before you were born, is hurtful. However much you hide it, that hurt stays with you. Nothing can happen now to put that right.’ I’ve never talked about this with anyone else so I’m not sure why I’m sharing this with Charlie. Except more than anyone else, I sense he wants to understand and has the capacity to do so. However, cutthroat his property deals are, deep down I know I can trust him to help me with this.
‘Clemmie …’ For a second his eyes are so soft, he looks like he’s going to put his arms around me.
There’s so much sympathy in his eyes I jump backwards. ‘Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m fine without him, I always have been. It’s different accepting things from Laura, because I knew her. But where the rest of the family’s concerned, I can’t risk the pain of getting rejected again.’ Even thinking about it now is making my stomach churn. The only way I can cope with this is to hide myself away, and protect myself by never exposing myself to any more rejection.
He’s got his fingers buried in the pockets of his jeans, and the whites of his knuckles are showing. ‘I know it’s not any of my business, but I just have this gut feeling that there’s more to this than you think.’
‘Too right it’s not your business.’ If I make my growl fierce enough he might back off.
He blows out his cheeks. ‘Stuff like this is major. If there’s some hidden truth, you deserve to know it. Then you can take that with you and get on with the rest of your life.’ The low resonance in his tone is the kind that gives me goosebumps.
I swallow hard. ‘How are the tarts?’ Despite the warm air wafting in through the open window, I shiver and rub my arms. Then I toss him the oven gloves so I don’t have to go any closer. ‘You’re nearest, you check.’
He opens the oven. ‘Firm on top, nicely browned. That’s what we’re looking for, see?’ He pulls them out and slides them onto a cooling rack. ‘Congratulations, Clemmie Hamilton, you just baked your first quiches.’
As I see the glossy golden tops and the crinkly pastry edges my mouth pulls into a smile that’s so wide I can’t stop it. ‘Oh my. Pastry has to be the last frontier in domesticity. I’m only a trolley away from becoming Mrs Waitrose Shopper here.’
He wrinkles his nose. ‘You know the nearest Waitrose is in Truro, it’s not the most convenient supermarket to choose.’ Then the corners of his mouth start twitching again. ‘Anyway, while we wait for the quiches to be cool enough to taste, if you’d like to build on your success and try a head stand, I’m happy to catch your feet?’
I let out a loud groan. ‘How about no?’
He’s still going. ‘They’re very soothing for the brain apparently. Work wonders for stress.’
I shake my head. ‘However much you’re driving me crazy, it’s still the same “No”.’
‘In that case maybe it’s time to move on to the cupcakes.’ He’s grinning at me now as he uncouples the Magimix bowl and takes it to the sink. ‘I don’t know about you but I can’t wait for a buttercream hit.’
And just for once I totally get where he’s coming from.
25
In Clemmie’s kitchen
Cupcakes revisited
Still Tuesday afternoon
