I’m frowning. And shriveling inside all over again for thinking he was going to say he loved me when Luc was here. How the hell did I think that? He couldn’t have been clearer about why he won’t ever commit, and I need to respect that. But if I loved him before, I love him even more for making Gracie’s Christmas so magical. That’s what’s amazing about Rory. He’s so good at knowing what will make things wonderful. Then he makes them happen. There really aren’t many people who can do that. I don’t know which would be harder. Living near him and not being able to have him, or living far away and not seeing him at all.
His lips twist into a smile again. ‘So how about this hill? If you can brazen it out to get St Aidan’s wedding of the year back on track, five seconds’ whizzing on a sledge will be a piece of cake. Shall we give it a go? There’s nothing better. The icy air whooshing past you, rolling off into the snow at the bottom.’
‘Stop, that’s enough!’
‘But if you’re serious about pushing yourself, you’ve got to try it once.’ He lines up the sledge and sits down on it. Then he nods at the gap between his legs. ‘Tuck in in front of me. You never know, you might even like it.’
I let out a long sigh. ‘Okay.’ It’s another time when my head is yelling ‘no’, and my mouth’s saying the opposite. But there might never be another chance to know what it feels like to have his arms around me. Some obscure part of my brain must have done the maths.Five seconds of sheer terror is a small price to pay for the thrill of being jammed between Rory Sanderson’s thighs.There’s simply no other reason my back would be wedged against his chest, my eyes welded closed.
His face is so close his stubble almost brushes my cheek as he leans forward. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Of course I’m bloody not, I’m about to hurtle downhill!’
‘Ready, Berry?’
It has to be said. ‘If we wait till next Christmas I’ll never be ready.’
‘Point taken. We might as well be off, then.’ He’s lifting his heels off the floor. ‘Un, deux, trois, here we go.’
He was right about the rush of air. As we bump and pick up speed, there are ice chips too. The only way to cope is to fill my lungs to bursting and let out the loudest scream I can. There’s a few seconds of zooming, then we’re down, and we slow and shudder to a halt a few yards from the fence.
Rory’s laughing as hard as I was screaming. ‘Not so bad was it?’
I’m not going to agree. ‘Ten times worse.’
He’s leaping to his feet. ‘I’m risking my eardrums here. Another run?’
I’m missing the warmth of his body already, so I’m off up the hill again. ‘Maybe one more.’
Five runs later and this time we’ve almost climbed all the way up to the summit.
My cheeks are burning from the effort. I let out a groan. ‘I’ll be such a Rudolf by the time I get back to the Manor.’
His voice is all protest. ‘But I love your red cheeks and nose as much as I love you. I thought you knew that?’
‘Bollocks.’ He never gives up on winding me up. Really, however determinedly single they are, anyone who says that should have a hug. Although, given what the dark look in his eyes is doing to my insides, it’s probably a good thing he’s already stooping down by the sledge.
He’s looking up at me from where he’s crouching. ‘Okay, I reckon we’re ready for the advanced moves. I’ll lie on my stomach and you lie on top of me. It’s closer to the ground, so we’ll be more aerodynamic.’ Those are the worst reasons I’ve ever heard for a guy getting a woman to jump on top of him. But, due to this being Rory, he’s getting away with it.
This is more precarious, but what the hell? It’s also way more bumpy, and longer, and the snow spray is hitting me in the face. But this time my eyes are open and instead of hating the rush, my heart is racing with the thrill. When we trundle to a halt and I bump off into the snow at the bottom, I’m starting to get the plus side of salopettes too. As I roll over onto my back and look up at the stars through the gaps between the clouds, Rory’s rolling too. A moment later, his body bumps into the space next to mine. And next thing he’s propping himself up on his elbow, looking down at me.
‘So you risked the hill.’ His face breaks into a grin. It’s a statement, rather than a question. ‘Now you passed that first test, there’s something else.’
I’m shaking my head, staring up at him. ‘If you’d told me this at the start, I’d happily have skipped straight to step two.’
‘That’s not how it works.’ He laughs, then he goes all serious again. ‘You see, however hard I’ve worked to get back on track after my head injury, there’s always been a part of every day when I’d have swapped back to my old life before the accident, if only someone had given me the chance.’
‘Awww, Rory.’
He’s biting his lip. ‘Then after years of living with those regrets, things have suddenly changed. Since you’ve been here, I don’t feel that any more.’ He gives a sniff. ‘Having you around makes me really happy. I never dreamed I’d ever get to say this. But being with you, as I am, is a life I’m completely happy with. It’s the only life I want.’ His voice is low as he slides his fingers between mine. ‘I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here and live your life with me. I want us to be together.’
Looking up at his beautiful face, knowing he feels like that, I’m crying, and I can’t stop. ‘I think it’s the life I want too. When I first thought about staying, it seemed impossible. Now everyone’s offering so much help. But most of all, every time I think about heading back to London, I can’t imagine not being with you every day.’ I’m smiling up at him, wondering why he’s holding back. ‘Isn’t this the point where you come in and snog me?’
He laughs. ‘I haven’t finished yet, but seeing as you’ve asked.’
As he dips down and his mouth slides onto mine, it hits me that this is the kind of kiss I’ve been waiting for forever. Light, delicious. With a touch of mocha. Like there’s a mass choir singing in my body. When he gently pulls away after a kiss that’s longer and sweeter than any I could even have dreamed of, all I want is more.
His grin is shamefaced. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that yet. You see, for the best part of ten years I’ve been resigned to being alone because my head injury was so unstable. I assumed if I didn’t date, I wouldn’t fall in love. I never thought as far as what to do if love came out of nowhere and zapped me, like it has done with you. But do you think you have enough courage to take me on, complete with my uncertainty?’
