I repeat the process, letting go of one to get the other.
Old coconut. New coconut. Old one. New one. Old. New. Over and over.
A frustrated growl rumbles in my throat. I keep trying, letting loose a whine. I can’t fit them in my mouth.
Now, I understand. A tortured, pained whimper tears from the deepest part of my chest.
I cannot keep both.
One must be sacrificed.
I screw my eyes shut, fighting the wave of tears. The grief is eating me alive. How am I meant to choose? The Goddess is cruel. She has gifted me with beautiful, perfect coconuts, and she’s forcing me to abandon one of them, to leave it behind so another may throw it aside, abuse it, not cherish it the way it deserves.
A broken sob shatters my throat. She’s a cruel, cruel woman.
I drop to my haunches and dip my head, trying not to wail. Why does the Goddess wish to punish me? What have I done to deserve this?
I will remember this day until I perish; the night where I said goodbye to my love, the one that got away.
“I will do everything in my power to return for you, my sweetness,” I whisper to the mate I must leave behind when I only just met her.
I sink my teeth into the coconut I found by the human’s house. I must be loyal to my first love. It is the honorable choice.
10
Ordus
My mate won’t stop shivering, and I don’t know how to stop it.
I’ve tried summoning my magic to raise my external temperature, but it’s using up my energy and making me swim slower. I’ve cradled her close, right up against my chest. I’ve stroked her back, purred louder, whispered my undying devotion, and still, the deep crease between her brow remains.
I am at a loss. There is nothing more I can do until we get to our den. It isn’t safe out here. Some krakens prefer hunting at this time of night. If they see me carrying a human, they will tell the Council and rally other krakens to have my mate killed.
My muscles pump harder, slicing through the stormy ocean, my human lungs itching for air. My ears and suckers focus on sensing any danger. There are several sharks in the area, but they wouldn’t dare come near. I dislike swimming back into my territory from the mainland. The further I get, the worse the water quality becomes. It feels like dirt burrowed into my pores that needs to be scrubbed.
Cindi whimpers, and it’s like I’m being flayed. I finally have my mate in my arms, and I am failing her. Nothing has gone right, and the look she gave me when I shifted sits at the forefront of my mind.
Cindi is my fate-ordained mate. Yet, I could hear her calling me an abomination without uttering a single sound. I disgust her. My mate is disgusted by me.
I thought it would be different because the Goddess deemed it so. She was meant to look at me with nothing but awe like she did the first time we interacted—before her scent went sour. Before she feared me.
I’m just as cursed as my kingdom. One was cast upon me by the Goddess to forever be nothing more than a disgrace to krakens, humans, and my own mate.
I’m meant to protect her, keep her safe, healthy, and happy, and what have I done since meeting her? Five men have harmed her. She’s cold to the touch, clutching her arm with a single, jagged scar running down the middle.
Fury simmers beneath my skin. I grind my teeth, regretting everything about tonight. I should have been gentler with her, talked her through what was going to happen, and explain that I, as her mate, would rather perish than cause her harm.
But my incompetence has also hurt her. It’s unforgivable.
Yannig would have never allowed this to happen. His mate would never have screamed or looked at him like he was the most hideous creature to have ever lived. His mate wouldn’t have hated him.
I hold Cindi tighter, tearing my sights away from the darkness to look at her, wishing I could taste her sweet skin against my suckers again. I will fix this. I’ll make her see being my mate isn’t her curse. She will never have a reason to abhor me. I’ll need to… I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in human form just so my mate finds my appearance tolerable.
But if it’s the only way my mate will feel something toward me other than loathing, it is a sacrifice I am willing to make. For her.MyCindi. I can’t lose her and continue living this life alone anymore. The solitude has developed its own pulse that will continue to beat when the rest of me has withered away.
I want to be someone’s priority, just once, even if it’s not because they want me to be.
The entrance to my den looms ahead. I’m tempted to slow my pace to hold her for a little longer, but I do not want her to suffer. I am a bad, selfish mate.
