Even though I know he’s holding on by a thread, he hesitantly pulls out of me just as slowly as he went in. His ragged breaths brush my skin as he moves his fingers from beside my head to press his thumb against the pulse point in my neck.
Maybe some innate part of me trusts him enough to do all this because I know his rage is as vast as mine. I pulled the trigger; it was only a matter of time before he retaliated. Yet here he is with vehemence in his eyes, the same look he’s harbored since the firstday he met me.
He’s fucking me with so much tenderness it almost feels like he cares about me. His hips thrust into me, the type of rolling motion that doesn’t shake the bed or jolt through my body. Nothing about it is forceful or harsh.
It’s gentle.
I don’t deserve gentle.
I don’t deserve the care he’s expressing, even if it is all fake.
Someone like me doesn’t get love or the dashing young prince who will save her from the big bad dragon. I was born alone, and it’s already been written in the books of life that I’m meant to die alone, never knowing anything but carnage and emptiness.
In drugs, I could find that solace. I’m less alone in the company of blankness or colorful sounds.
Right now, I hate him not for what has happened in the past, but because this is the cruelest thing he’s ever done to me. Giving me a taste of what I will never have. I’ll spend the rest of my life yearning for an idea that was never real.
I squeeze my eyes shut when they start to sting.
Then Kohen kisses me.
Oh, he kisses me.
His lips move like they have finally found their counterpart. They taste like lost dreams. I savor it because if all of this is a sham, at least when I die, I’ll know what it feels like to be important to someone.
So I kiss him back because I want to know what it feels like to have someone genuinely matter to me. While we kiss, I’m struck with the agonizing realization that I could get used to this; the feel of it all, consuming me completely until I tip over the edge and into a hangover I’ll never recover from.
Hazel greets me when I open my eyes, staring back into my empty abyss. He always watches me even when I don’t want him to. It’s another thing I could overfill myself on; having someone’s eyes on me and only me.
Kohen drives his hips into me faster, pushing me out of the spell of my own mind to swallow down each moan he forces out of me. Gently, he takes my legs off the stirrups to deepen each thrust. There’s something almost… uncertain about the way he moves, as if he’s trying to figure out whether he’s on the right track.
The painful ache in my core is gone. All that’s left is the fierce desire to find the high I had felt before he treated me like I was something to be cherished. He keeps circling my clit, drawing the pleasure through me.
“What happened to rest, ice, compression, and elevation?” I pant out the acronym for R.I.C.E, not sure he can understand the words I’m saying.
“That’s why your legs are on my shoulders and not shaking against the bed.” His next thrust comes exceptionally hard, paired with a frown of concentration.
I reach for the wall above my head to stop the bed from hitting the wall and alerting everyone to our tryst. He doesn’t falter in his brutal pace, driving into me with desperate vigor.
The orgasm is forced from me without warning, shooting stars all around us as I tighten around him and cling to the top of the table. In an ungodly feat, he moves faster, hitting me harder with each thrust until he drops his head against mine, releasing a groan that fills the room.
“Fuck,” I whisper as my body convulses with the aftermath of my second orgasm, and I unintentionally lurch forward when he pullsout after a few heated seconds of heavy breathing.
A sheen of lust covers my vision as he pulls off the condom. My brows pinch momentarily as I try to make sense of the fact that he isn’t getting off the bed or throwing it away.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I screech. My hand flies out to swat him away, but it’s too late.
“You fucked up.” The warm liquid of the emptied condom slowly drips from my pussy. A grin works its way across his face as he pushes his come back into me with two fingers. “You fucked up bad, little thief. You’re mine now.”
“You fucking asshole.”
He nods toward the trolley where a packet of birth control awaits me.
How romantic.
I’m going to kill him.
I’m going to tie him up to a pole and beat the shit out of him.
