River and Raiden chuckle, and I try to school my features so I don’t look quite so much like a lost puppy. I’m reasonably certain that I fail when their smiles just widen and amusement dances across their expressions.
Clearing my throat, I ask, “So what was your idea?”
Raiden’s smile widens even more, but he lets it go as he replies, “Meditation. There are some techniques that I’ve been looking at for a while that are especially designed to help supernaturals.”
“I’ve heard of that,” River surprises me by saying. “I’ve never tried it. Well, that’s a lie. I tried to do it once, but I don’t think I even lasted a minute. You’ve got to sit still and clear your mind and stuff. My mindis never clear, and there’s usually more than one thing going on at the same time. Trying to make it be quiet was impossible, and trying to stay still was even worse.” He shudders like it’s an experience that still haunts him, and I try not to smile. He continues, “But if you can sit still and make your mind stop talking at you, then you should be good. I’ve read about quite a few people who have had some success with it, although I don’t think any of them were trying to recover memories.”
Raiden shakes his head, “It fascinates me that when we’re hunting something, you can be so laser focused that you don’t move a muscle and yet you can’t sit still at any other time.”
River shrugs, “That’s different.”
Raiden nods and then turns to look at me, “So what do you think?”
“I’m willing to give anything a go,” I reply. “If you think that it could help, then I’ll try it.”
“Awesome,” Raiden grins. “We’ll have to put some precautionary measures in place so that you don’t end up having a seizure again, and so that you don’t push it too far by accident in the first place.”
I nod, “Yeah, that sounds good to me.”
“Okay, well, we can give it a go when we get back to House if you would like?”
“Yeah, that would be great, the sooner the better,” I agree.
It has been a long time since I have had any hope that there may be a way for me to find my memories again, and Raiden has made that hope come back with a vengeance.
“I have to warn you, because I don’t want you to get your hopes up too much. It’s not a quick process, it will take a while, and we may end up finding out how your memories have been blocked rather than what they are. From everything that you’ve said, I’m convinced thatthey have been blocked and aren’t simply gone, which is a good thing because it means that they’re still in there somewhere and that we should be able to recover them. However, it also means that there is a chance that someone could have put the block in place, and there is very rarely a good reason for someone to do that.”
I nod, “It has occurred to me that could be the reason, especially since my amnesia doesn’t behave typically.”
“But?” River asks, correctly assuming that there is a ‘but’.
“But I think that it’s probably more likely that it’s trauma-induced from whatever I went through before I ended up in the hands of the Hunt. I should have been dead, several times over, and it took me far longer than it should have for me to heal,” I explain.
The memories of that pain and that experience with the Hunt try to push forward, and I vehemently push them back.
No, I’m not doing that.
It’s in the past, and that’s where it will fucking stay.
Raiden nods, “Fair enough.”
Thankfully, he doesn’t ask me any more questions and simply starts to explain the different kinds of meditation that we can do to see if it can pull any memories forward. At this point, I would be happy if I knew my real fucking name, that would be awesome. However, I suppose that you can find out a lot about a person from their name, so chances are that if this works, that isn’t the first thing that I will remember, it will probably be something ridiculous like my favorite flower or something, although I don’t imagine that has changed.
I mentally chastise myself for getting so far off track again and then tune back into what Raiden is saying.
Griff
I’m nervous.
I don’t want to let on that I’m nervous because I know that Neith is already feeling nervous, and if I tell her that I am too, then it’s most likely going to make her feel even more nervous, and I don’t want that.
It would have been far more helpful if Michael could have given me more information.
Any more information at all would have been helpful.
He literally gave us the bare minimum and what’s even more frustrating is that I don’t know whether he did it because he doesn’t have the information himself or because he has a lot more information than he was letting on and not telling us is somehow a part of the whole testing process just like this whole ‘I’ll know where to go when I get there,’ thing, which is also entirely unhelpful, extremely frustrating and is not helping with the whole nerves thing either.
Just once, I would like someone to say to us, ‘What you are looking for is in this location, arrive at this time, and you will get all of the answers that you need.’ Or better yet, ‘I’ll tell you the answers that you want right now with no running around, or riddles or hoops you have to jump through.’
