I didn’t see Jack lying there.
For months, I’ve been hiding behind my web of lies, too afraid to admit the real reason I can’t bring myself to go back out there.
But today, I did.
And now I’m more confused than ever.
Did Erin being in danger replace my fear of stepping on the ice? My fear of seeing Jack? Did it break the curse I placed on myself because my mind knew Erin was someone Icouldsave?
My thoughts take on a mind of their own.
If I can get on the ice without seeing Jack’s body lying there, what’s left for me to be afraid of?
Was it a fluke? Was it the adrenaline from knowing Erin needed me and I had to get to her? Or is this the second chance I’ve been waiting for without even realizing it?
The thoughts thrash against my skull.
When I find Erin watching me, it’s like she’s put it together. Like she sees all of it. The pain, the guilt, the lies, and she… understands.
“I’m proud of you, Chase,” she says in a whisper. I feel like a fraud who doesn’t deserve her praise.
“No.” I shake my head. “Don’t be proud of me. I-I’ve been?—”
“Chase, it’s okay,” she says in a hushed tone.
“It’s not okay.” I drag my fingers through my hair. “If I’d been honest from the start, gone to my ice evaluations, and told Coach Avery or Briar, they could’ve helped me. I-I could’ve been out there with you.”
“I’m okay, Chase. You got to me. I’m right here,” she says, her words laced with tranquility as she tries to reassure me.
“You fell. Right in front of me. Your lips were blue, and your skin was ice cold. You looked… Erin, I thought…”
I shake my head and turn away from her.
“Chase, look at me.”
I do.
“Do you see me?” she asks. “Do you see me, Eighty-Seven?”
“I see you.”
“Good, because I’m right here.”
“Erin,” I whisper, but it almost comes across as I’m pleading.
“Tell me what I can do to help you. What do you need?”
A sudden stillness grips me.
“Tell me,” she pushes.
“I need to feel you in my arms. I need to know you’re real. That the ice didn’t take you from me. Let me hold you, please.”
My eyes search hers. I know it’s probably too much for her, and hell, maybe it’s selfish, but I fucking need her right now.
Don’t push me away sweetheart.
She shuffles over and grabs her laptop, placing it in front of her. She hits a few keys as I kick off my shoes and will my heart to settle down at the idea of being in the same bed as her.
