You never learn, do you, Erin?
“No. No, no, no,” I say aloud as I race down the street, my mother’s piercing voice slamming into me at full force, as if she’s running right beside me.
How could you let this happen?
Her voice sinks inside my head. I try to move my lips to form the words I’m so used to saying, but they don’t come out. They die before they reach my mouth, and I know it’s because it’s no use. I didn’t keep up with my mantras after I went to talk to Chase and now it’s too late.
Everything he said to me on that bench serves as a reminder as to why I have to be on alert all the time and why I don’t allow myself to be around guys.
His words caught me off guard.
The moment I took off running, I knew I messed up.
My recklessness left an opening for my mother to walk right in.
My hands shake so badly it takes three tries to get the key in the lock. I shove myself inside and slam it shut with my back, panting like a dog as sweat drips from my forehead like I’ve just walked out of the shower.
My lip quivers as I pull my phone out from my back pocket and try to connect my playlist to the speakers, desperate for a way to drown out and eliminate her voice.
The phone slips from my grasp, and it clatters to the wooden floor.
You didn’t control those butterflies, Erin.
“I tried to,” I say as I drop to my knees and fall to my shins.
You’ve been leading him on.
“I didn’t mean to.”
You’re just like me.
“No.”
Yes!
“Stop.”
He’ll hate you now.
“I’ll tell him the truth.”
It. Won’t. Matter.
“Leave me alone, Clarissa Rose!” I yell as I clamp my eyes shut and throw my hands over my ears. My mother’s poisonous words continue to run free, each word acting like salt dripping over an open flesh wound.
You’re gonna hurt him, Erin.
The sound of vibrations against the wooden floor grab my attention, and her voice begins to fade long enough for me to catch my breath. My phone moves in small increments on the ground as someone messages.
Eighty-Seven: Let me know you got home safe, Quarterback.
I read the words from the guy I left. The guy I wish was here right now. As if he hears my silent cries for him, his face lights up my screen.
“Hello?” I whisper after I answer the call.
“Pay attention, Bookworm. Class is in session.”
I blink back the tears threatening to spill.
