I am not my mother.
Twenty minutes later, I’m stuffed. The food was delicious and we learned they don’t have a set menu here; it changes every week.
“Bella showed me pictures of where you guys will be staying in California,” I say as the desserts are brought to the table. “It looks amazing.”
Brodie puts his arm around Bella, tugging her close. “Yeah, it’s central to the office and has some kick-ass food places around.”
“Can you believe that in just a few weeks we’ll be scouting buildings for—what’s Roman calling it now? The Hidden Palooza Base?” Bella shakes her head, laughing.
A low laugh rumbles out of Brodie. “Gotta love his persistence.”
I glance over at Chase out of the corner of my eye. He has his fork in his hand, but he’s not really eating. I can’t help but wonder if he doesn’t like the tiramisu we agreed upon, or if there’s another issue bothering him.
The conversation that was naturally bouncing between us drifted into a mostly two-sided discussion right after the desserts were brought out.
I nudge him with my foot. He looks over at me, and his blue eyes fill with a look I don’t know how to name but it nearly makes me forget how to breathe. There’s not hurt in his gaze, but there’s definitely an intensity there.
An unspoken heaviness.
I wonder if it’s hockey related. Curiosity about Chase and his relationship with sports gnaws at me. I get the impression there’s more to it than just an injury.
The scrape of his chair pulls my attention. I look up just in time to see Chase slide out of his seat, his expression unreadable. The air in the room drops to a colder degree, even though the temperature hasn’t changed.
“I’m just gonna step outside for a minute.” His voice is tight, but every word leaves a mark, and before I can say anything, he turns and walks out of the chalet without sparing any of us a glance.
And just like that, I don’t want to be here anymore. Instead, I find myself wanting to be where he is.
My mind works in overdrive as I try to figure out what changed between the tapas being cleared from the table and the desserts arriving.
It was like a switch was flipped.
My fingers twitch on the table. I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way. I know I should keep my distance. It’s dangerous thinking about wanting to be near him. I know the risks. I know what can happen if I let my guard down.
But, in a way I didn’t expect, I don’t care.
I picture sitting in the comfortable gray chair in front of Roberta and let her words center me.
“You don’t need to stay away from all men to avoid becoming her. Just like you don’t have to have a perfect relationship to prove that you’re not. This is all about what feels right for you when you’re ready to take those steps.”
I rise from my seat, my legs moving before I can think. I tell myself it’s nothing, that he just needs space. But there’s an annoying sensation inside me that won’t go away.
A need to make sure he’s okay.
When I open my eyes, Bella’s green ones are shining at me with pride, and her hand is in Brodie’s.
I give her a subtle nod, and then I’m walking toward the exit, my nerves lighting up with every step I take. Part of me can’t believe I’m doing this. I should stop. Turn around and sit back down.
But I’m not going to.
I’m not my mother.
Exhaustion pullsat me from every direction. Everything was going well. My mind and body were weightless and balanced because of Erin.
I’ve been looking forward to seeing her since last night. Lately, it feels as though she’s beginning to get a little more comfortable around me.
I like that.
Throughout our meal, I’ve been plucking up the courage to ask her if she wants to get a coffee after we’re done with lunch. Just the two of us.
