My eyes dart over to the white leather chair that’s usually behind her desk. It’s tipped over and lying on its side. And then I look up, and my stomach takes on that sickly feeling it gets after I inhale a full stick of cotton candy in one go followed by a ride on the bumper cars.
There’s a man with dark hair leaning over my mom, who is lying across her desk. I stand a little to the side behind them. This man’s back is to me, blocking most of her, but I can see her head as it faces the window. His face presses into her neck, shielding what he looks like, but I know it’s not Daddy.
Mom’s legs lift and wrap around his waist, pulling him closer. Her head turns suddenly, and I think she’s about to look right at me, but her eyes stay closed as a grin graces her face.
She never smiles like that.
Her black dress is bunched around her hips, and her long brown hair that’s usually always in a tidy ballerina bun spills out of her scrunchie, the way mine does when I practice my ponytail without a mirror.
Then the desk scrapes across the floor, making a squeaky sound every time he jerks his hips. He’s moving faster now.
Then Mom screams.
And my whole body jumps at the sound.
“Mom!” I cry before I can stop myself. I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my face with my hands, turning away from them.
“LUCIA!” she shrieks. Her voice is shrill, the sound carrying me back to last week when I spilled juice on my clothes.
I flinch.
Mom shuffles, and then her fingertips grab hold of my arm, rough and fast, pulling me away from what feels like something bad.
The sliding door whooshes open, and she drags me behind her, limp as a rag doll.
Her fingers dig into my arm, her nails cutting into my skin. I want to pull away, but I can’t. She’s too strong, jerking me around as if I’m chained to her. My back hits the cold wall, and I notice her dress is fixed now, but she doesn’t let go of me.
“You’re supposed to be waiting for me on the wall. You’re not supposed to be in here!”
“You were taking so long,” I say, almost stumbling over my words. “I came to find you. Mom, who is that man?”
She says a bad word, and I see the wrinkles next to her eyes when she closes them.
“He’s no one. Just a friend.”
Her eyes open, and I stare into two blocks of ice.
“Lucia, I need you to listen to me carefully. You can’t tell anyone about my friend or what you saw, okay? I need you to be really good at keeping this secret, especially from Daddy. Do you understand?”
I take in her rosy cheeks, tangled hair, and the messy nude lipstick on her snow-white skin as I try to make sense of her words.
Whenever Daddy tells me something is a secret, it’s usually special. This doesn’t feel that way. I’m not sure Daddy would like this.
“Is it a surprise? Will we tell Daddy soon?”
“Lucia!” she scolds, and I all but flinch again, wanting to hide under a blanket. “Why can’t you ever just understand!”
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I whisper. She rolls her eyes, showing me her annoyance, a weight between us I feel from her more than I want to admit.
“If you don’t keep this a secret from Daddy, bad things will happen to him—and you don’t want that, right?”
I shake my head. “No, Mom.”
“Good,” she says, twisting me by the shoulders as she walks me back to the white door leading out of her office. “Now go outside, and this time, wait for me on the wall. Do not move. I will come get you when it’s time to go home. And remember, it’s our secret.”
Opening the door, she shoos me away. Like she’s the broom and I’m the mess she wants gone. I’m not in the hallway for longer than a second before the lock clicks in place, and Mom’s muffled words escape. “Sorry about that, love. Now lose the pants.”
I drag my feet along the polished floor with my head hung until I make it outside to the wall. I drop my bag onto the ground and climb the brick, finding the exact same spot as before, staring at the blooms that look just as sad as the gray sky and how I feel after being yelled at.
