I glance down at my raging hard-on trapped behind my jeans and look back up at her. “You’re not serious right now, are you?”
“That’s not… I just need to know if you’re holding back. Are you being gentle when you don’t want to? Or is it that you don’twant to be with me that way because you think I won’t be able to measure up or handle your desires?”
Hearing her jealousy makes me feral.
And that’s when I realize this isn’t about a website or Nancy.
This is about fear.
Fear she isn’t enough.
Fear that others have experienced a version of me she never has.
I cup her face, pull her in, and kiss her forehead once, my mouth lingering against it.
“Sweetheart,” I murmur. “You’re enough foreveryversion of me. You fulfill every one of my fantasies and desires. You in this… I think there’s a reason why I’ve never let anyone wear my jersey,” I say, biting my lip as my hand trails up her thigh. “It was always meant foryou,” I rasp. “Fuck,” I hiss out, shaking my head. “I can’t even think straight. The things I want to do to you, baby.”
She rises onto her knees and plants her hands around the back of my neck as she gives me a serious expression. “Why won’t you?”
“I want everything to be at your pace. Ever since you told me about what you heard when you tried to pleasure yourself, I’ve only gone where I think you’re comfortable exploring. I want you to have control. It’s what you’ve needed, and I’ll always give you that.”
“Control in the bedroom is what you like, so when will you take whatyouneed?”
“I’ll never take anything you don’t want me to have, baby. It’s as simple as that.”
“I want you to have everything, Eighty-Seven. I want to give you everything.”
No one has ever looked at me the way she’s looking at me now. The way she’s handing over her trust in me lights a fuse inside of me.
“Have your way with me,” she says then. “I don’t want to have control anymore.”
She looks at me with so much certainty, my brain stops.
“For so long, being in control meant doing whatever possible to make sure I’d never end up like her. That I never made my mother’s mistakes. But that isn’t the case anymore.”
I grab a fistful of my jersey and tug her into me. “Why don’t you need it anymore?” I ask as I stare into her eyes.
“I love you, Chase. And I want you to be the one to let go now. You made me realize I was safe to be able to do that with you, and now I wantyouto do the same with me. I’m yours and no one else’s. So take everything. You’re the only one I’ll ever trust to have me.”
The air between us crackles with everything she’s giving me in the moment, and I come undone at her words.
She’s under me in seconds.
Her breathing turns heavy, and her eyes stare back at me in wonder as I pin her hands above her head. Both of hers fit perfectly in one of mine.
“You have no idea all the things I’ve imagined doing to you. Don’t get me wrong, Bookworm, every time we’ve been together has been magical—pure bliss. You are heavenly. But seeing you in this… Fuck. It’s gonna be a long night, sweetheart. Are you sure you want this?”
“Yes,” she says, her eyes full of trust and desire. “Show me. Please, Eighty-Seven.”
“Safe word.”
“What?”
“You want me to show you? I’ll show you. I’ll be a gentleman and give you what you’ve asked for. I’ll never hurt you, but Iwon’t be gentle. I’ve wanted to toss you around and dirty you up for quite some time now. You have no idea what you’re giving me, Bookworm. I’ll make it so good for you, baby, I promise. But if you want it to stop, you’ll need a safe word, sweetheart.”
I don’t know why she thinks I’m playing around, but I can tell she’s not taking me seriously when she tries to lift her head off the bed to kiss me.
I pull away and shake my head. “You know what I want, baby.”
