“One wrong choice… and everything unraveled. Three lives gone. Two families destroyed. And my career—gone with them.”
The truth cuts deep into my skin. I try to breathe, but it’s too much. It’s overwhelming, the weight of it capable of crushing me if I let it.
“The car accident took away your ability to play hockey?” he asks with a questioned gaze.
The lie burns as the word escapes my mouth. “Yes.”
Damon doesn’t push further, but I can see it in his eyes. He knows. He knows I’m lying to him, and to myself.
We’ve barely talked about my hockey career, which I think he’s been surprised by. I haven’t wanted to talk about it, even though I think about it all the time.
“Hmm.”
There’s nothing accusatory about his tone or posture, his hum echoes deep in my bones. For a blip, I’m not sittingopposite him. I’m exposed and laid bare on the operating table for him to see all of me.
Damon leans forward, his voice calm. “Chase, is it safe to say that it’s not the injuries keeping you from the ice? That something else is holding you back?”
The question cuts through my defenses.
The truth is I’ve canceled every ice evaluation the team doctor has scheduled, and my excuse is always the same:I’m in pain.
But it’s a lie.
It’s not the pain.
The pain is gone. I’m faking the injuries I no longer have. Pretending my body still hurts just to stay off the ice and make sure Coach Avery keeps my ass benched.
Right now, it’s working in my favor, because until I show up for ice evaluations and Briar clears me, the rules say I can’t step foot in the rink.
What I’m doing is selfish, but I can’t tell them the real reason. I can’t tell them I’m afraid to step onto the ice and face what comes after that.
Our eyes connect for a quick second, and he gives me that knowing look. He knows the truth. I can see it, but I’m not ready to say it out loud quite yet, so I give him a partial one instead.
“I can’t move forward with any part of my life until the knots of that day are untangled. When situations weighed on Elliot’s mind, he always needed to skate. Whatever happened was heavy enough for him to miss his flight and go to the stadium. I just don’t know what that was. Until I know the truth, I won’t be able to move on.”
Damon’s eyes flick up to the clock behind me, and I know we don’t have much time left.
“You mentioned in our last session that you have a friend that might be able to help you figure out why Elliot was there,” Damon says, leaning forward slightly.
He’s talking about Brax; Brodie’s older brother who’s a detective.
“Maybe he can help you, and that’s a topic we can explore during our next appointment.” Damon stands and motions to the door, ready to walk me out the way he always does when the hour comes to an end.
It always goes by so quickly.
When we reach the door, I turn to face him.
“So, what’s my question to reflect on for homework?” I ask him. “I know giving it is secretly your favorite part.”
Damon takes off his glasses. “We haven’t talked much about your absence from hockey,” he says. “I’d like you to explore what those next steps might look like for you. Not just logistically, but emotionally.”
“I don’t understand,” I say, shaking my head.
“Your accident ended the season for you, and your team’s already out of the Stanley Cup. But October is just around the corner. Let’s imagine you’ve been cleared to play. What does that mean for you?”
I don’t respond, but I understand what he means. It’s pretty clear to me that if I don’t tell someone soon what’s really holding me back, the lie I’ve spun could land me—and others—in a dangerous situation.
“Maybe what’s important here is being honest with your team, but also yourself,” Damon suggests. “That’s what I’d like you to reflect on. We’ll pick up again in two weeks.”
