The island looked so damn far away. There was no way he could swim all the way back to shore. Especially since he was injured. He wasn’t sure of the extent, but the brutal sting of the saltwater hurt like hell, and every movement sent pain sizzling through his side.
His second thought:Sharks!Sonofagoddamnfucker.
He was floating in the open ocean at night, bleeding out, and Essie’s words echoed through his mind.“You should know the water is teeming with hammerheads and bull sharks. They give birth this time of year.”
He’d been in a lot of dangerous, life-threatening situations during his forty-two years, but this was the absolute worst-case scenario. His biggest nightmare. The one boogeyman with the power to instill sheer panic. And the knowledge that he was in very deep water brimming with apex predators made him want to vomit.
When he was ten, home alone with Alyssa because Darla had disappeared again, he’d watched Shark Week on television, and it had scared the crap out of him. Scarred him for life. Certainfacts had lodged themselves into his young brain—like how the creatures could detect vibrations in the water from over a mile away. That ability helped them locate prey even if they couldn’t see or smell it. An even more fun fact—they could smell blood up to a quarter mile away.
Don’t panic. Keep your shit together.
It wasn’t over yet.
Whatever pain he felt, he locked it away in a mental box. He could deal with it later. First, he had to figure a way out of this current shitstorm.
Calm your ass down. Think. Be logical.
And use the comms unit in your ear.
It was wet, but considering who provided it, he hoped it was water resistant. “Brand,” he called, pressing against the device as he treaded water. “Ward!”
His heart sank when no response came. With a curse, he tried again.
Fucking nothing but the sound of the water sloshing around him and his heart hammering like a drum.
With a frustrated sound, he lay back, allowing his body to float up and down with the waves. Trying to move as little as possible. With his eyes on the sky, he took in the millions of stars twinkling above.
Maybe this was it. The place he was destined to die. Alone in the ocean, left to face his biggest fear. Unable to help the people he cared most about. Again. It was becoming a sick joke.
He’d let Alyssa down. Back in Sinaloa, he’d let Corey and the rest of his team down. Now, he was letting Essie down. In that moment, the vengeance he’d spent years chasing didn’t seem quite as important as pulling Essie into his arms and telling her he loved her. He needed to tell her how much he loved her spirit, her bright light and the way she believed in him when no one else did. Including himself.
Despite all he’d done, all he’d been through, he felt like that scared ten-year-old boy again.
“Starlight, starbright…”
His voice came out raspy as he whispered the rhyme, focused on the brightest star he could find. The idea that it might be Alyssa gave him comfort.
“First star I see tonight…”
He knew if she had the power to help him, she would. Even though she was probably so disappointed in the man he’d become. Hell, he couldn’t blame her. No one was more disappointed in him than he was.
“I wish I may, I wish I might… I pray my wish comes true tonight,” he finished.
A shooting star flashed across the sky. Xander smiled softly, and a quiet tranquility settled over him. Maybe he would just sink into the ocean’s depths… go to sleep forever… finally find the peace he so desperately sought.
But that wasn’t his wish. More than anything, his wish was simply for Essie. He wanted her every day. In every way. Needed her warm radiance to continue thawing his iced-over heart. To show him how love was all he truly needed.
Loving her had healed his wounds. Helped him ascend past all the bullshit that had been holding him back. If only he could tell her just how much she meant to him. If only—
A sharp crackle in his ear jolted him upright.
“Hawke, where the hell are you?”
Holy shit, it was Brand!
He hit the comms, his hope reigniting. “Treading water in the middle of the goddamn ocean. Wanna come get me?”
“Say again?”
