I set my empty pint glass down on the bar top, the dull thunk barely audible over the chatter inside The Barrel.
Virginia raises an eyebrow. “Another?”
“No thanks,” I say.
I’m not looking to get drunk. I’m just…
I don’t know what. Trying to figure out how to broach the topic of relationships with my longtime friend I happen to be fucking who admitted he doesn’t even know how he feels about the idea of romantic attachments right now?
Christ.
“Is it the Darlings?” Virginia asks, her voice low enough not to carry.
My eyes whip to her. “What?”
“I know that look,” she says, waving a finger in front of my face. “It’s theI’m in over my head when it comes to a Darling brotherlook. I’ve seen it before, you know.”
“With Ash?” I ask, accepting the water she passes me. She and Ash were friends from before he came to town, as I learned from the man himself. They met back in college.
Virginia nods. “With him. And with Noah.”
I grunt, sipping the cold water.
“Y’all have been friends forever,” she says, not even needing to name Lawson. We both know. “Have things changed recently?”
“Is this not a little cliché?” I joke. “Me airing my problems to the bartender?”
Virginia’s lips quirk. “Pretend I’m still your neighbor if you want. Either way, I’ll keep my mouth shut about it. Even to Ash.”
I nod slowly, fingers getting wet from the condensation on my glass. I draw a little horseshoe in the moisture before wiping it away with my thumb. “Here’s the thing. I haven’t spent my life pining. I really haven’t. I’ve beenfine. Lawson was my friend and nothing more. I didn’t feel like…like I was missing out on my one true love or anything like that. I…”
God, how do I even explain it?
“I lived my life, and I was fine. Until Lawson changed everything, and now I’ve got feelings, and there’s no shoving them back down again.”
“And the problem?” Virginia asks.
I swallow down another gulp of water. “The man just got out of a nineteen-year marriage. He’s figuring himself out, and he’s not there yet. I know he’s not. So I either push the issue for my benefit, knowing he’s not ready, I wait, or…”
“Or?”
“Or I protect myself,” I say, the mere idea of ending things with Lawson filling me with heavy dread. I don’t want to do that. Not in the least.
But if Lawson decides he wants to date men who aren’t me? Or…if a relationship isn’t something he’s interested in at all?
What then?
Could I let Lawson keep a hold of my heart, knowing he couldn’t offer the same?
Virginia hums softly, the sound barely audible. “What would be the worst-case scenario if you told him how you feel?”
“He’d do everything in his power to make me happy, even to the detriment of his own well-being and happiness, ’cause the man is too damn loyal for his own good.”
The second the words are out of my mouth, I freeze.
I… I hadn’t even considered it as a possibility, but it’s the absolute truth. If I told Lawson I wanted more from him, he’d give it to me, even if he wasn’t ready. Even if it wasn’t what he wanted inside his own heart.
I’d become his next Laura.
