“Needa come, princess?”
In answer, he grabs my hand off his leg and shoves it down between him and the bed. I take the blatant hint and wrap my fingers around his cock. It doesn’t take any time at all after being edged for so long. Lawson starts clamping down on my dick, I stroke him once, twice, and he flies.
I tuck my face against Lawson’s shoulder as I join him in the clouds. His cries of pleasure burrow somewhere deep inside of me, the ecstasy in the sound, the relief and aching joy, a confirmation to those suspicions I boxed up and buried so long ago.
The sun is low in the sky now, slanting through the window in streaks of dimly lit gold. It brings to mind summers long past and two kids chasing pixie dust under the shade of a willow.
Except this, right here, isn’t pretend. It’s not make-believe.
No, my feelings for my friend are starkly, painfully real.
Chapter 13
Lawson
The Silkies in the petting farm wander around my feet, their feathered heads bobbing as they pick up seed scattered on the ground. They remind me of dandelion fluff. Like one good wind could scatter them all away.
“Law?”
Looking up, I find my brother Remi approaching from the direction of the small petting farm barn. He lifts his hands once he has my attention, the processor for his CI absent from behind his ear.‘You doing all right?’
‘Why does everyone keep asking me that?’I sign back, my arms feeling heavy.
Remi lifts an eyebrow.‘Probably because half the time we see you lately, you’re staring off into space. Something on your mind?’
I let loose a breath as Remi joins me on the small bench I’m sitting on. Snickerdoodle the pony comes trotting over, and a couple of the chickens scatter, disgruntled clucksaccompanying their retreat. Snickerdoodle drops her head right in Remi’s lap, and he dutifully supplies her with affection.
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course,’Remi replies before going back to petting the pony.
I don’t know the best way to approach this, so I just jump in.‘Are you familiar with asexuality?’
One of Remi’s eyebrows subtly lifts again, but I can tell he’s trying to hold back his surprise.‘I think I have a pretty good understanding of the nuances, yeah.’
It doesn’t surprise me considering Remi is the youngest of us at twenty-nine now. When I was a kid, folks didn’t talk about this stuff. My parents were always open with us, always encouraging and inclusive. But even they didn’t mention the possibility of being ace. Heck, I don’t think half the terms I read about were even in use a few decades back.
It’s different now. Our language is evolving, as well as our understanding of a good many things, and maybe I should have done a better job myself of staying on top of that. If not for my own benefit and knowledge, then for Wendy’s sake.
But the simple truth is I never considered I might be ace. It hadn’t occurred to me because, until recently, I didn’t even know the way I felt about people wasn’t thetypicalexperience. Although—should I even call it that? Who’s to say what’s typical when we’re all so dang different to begin with?
Blowing out a breath, I face my brother.‘Can you help me understand it? What it means to be ace?’
‘Of course,’Remi answers, a thoughtful expression on his face. His hands move the same way, softly. Thoughtfully.‘It’s a varied spectrum, but generally, someone who’s ace experiences a lack of sexual attraction in one way or another.’
‘But that doesn’t mean they don’t have sex?’I ask, Oakley having said as much.
‘That’s true.’Remi pauses, his hand smoothing over Snickerdoodle’s neck before he goes on.‘Most people, regardless of their sexuality, fall into one of three categories at any given time. Or they fit somewhere in between. They might be sex-averse, meaning they don’t like sex or the idea of sex, and they may even find it repulsive. They might be sex-neutral, meaning they don’t have strong feelings about sex any which way and may partake in it. Or they might be sex-favorable, meaning they like the idea of sex, enjoy it for themselves, and may seek to participate in it. I think the biggest misconception when it comes to ace folks is that they’re all sex-averse.’
‘And that’s not true.’
Remi pinches his fingers in ano.‘Definitely not. Someone who’s allosexual experiences sexual attraction toward others. That doesn’t mean they’re going to sleep with every person that turns them on. There are so many other factors that weigh on those choices, same as with ace folks.’
‘I think what I’m not getting is… How do you know if you’re ace?’
His smile is soft.‘I think that’s the tricky part for a lot of people. And why there’s so much gray area. Some would say sexual attraction means physical response, right? So your body reacts to a person. You get turned on, hard, wet, tingly, whatever.’
Remi laughs at the grimace on my face, smacking my shoulder before going on.
