For a brief time it had drawn me out of the funk I was sinking into, and I got excited about drawing up plans for a house for us to live in as a family. Ace put in his demands, which predictably meant we would have a dedicated gaming room. Freak wanted us to have five bedrooms, a far cry from his initial idea of building a far smaller house for just him and his son. Why five? I questioned. It was in case we were able to have the two children that Freak wanted us to have. I’d really like that too, but there’s a doubt in my mind I’d ever be able to fall pregnant or carry a baby to full term. But I’d kept that worry to myself, buried it, and enthusiastically bought into the dream. Oh, and the last room? That was for Freak’s ma, in case she became unable to live on herown. Personally, I thought that would never happen. They’d be prising her guns out of her cold dead hands. And that was only from what Freak and Ace told me about her. I hadn’t yet met her myself.
That was rectified the following Sunday when I went with Freak and Ace to meet her. I was nervous, unsure whether he’d explain exactly how we’d met, or how much he’d already told her about me. I dressed as conservatively as possible, in knee-length shorts and a flowing top. I was shifting nervously from foot to foot when she’d opened the door carrying a shotgun. I’d taken a step back when she’d raised the barrel and pointed it straight at me. Freak had broken out in laughter, as I only just resisted putting my hands up.She’s his mom. Surely, she wouldn’t just shoot me?
It was Ace who’d saved the day. His words had tumbled out one after the other as he explained, how, like her, I’d had my suspicions about Toni, and had put a tracker in his clothes which had saved him when he’d been kidnapped. Oh, and that I was apparently a hero for going into the clubhouse of a rival MC, and only my actions led to his rescue. I felt he’d exaggerated my bravery and could feel the blush rise on my face.
Freak had seemed to shrink at Ace’s exposé. Apparently, Ma, as I quickly became used to calling her, had been ignorant of anything untoward going on. I hid a smile when Freak earned himself a well-practiced clip around the ear for not telling her at the time, and was embarrassed when she gushed her admiration for how I’d protected her grandson. At least it had meant that she’d put that damn shotgun down.
When she’d pulled me aside, I was worried, but had followed her into her bedroom. And then I became bemused when she’d unlocked, then delved into a drawer, and came out with what Freak later told me was a Glock-19 9mm, a good weapon for awoman like me. He also told me it was a compliment that she’d shared part of her armoury with me.
After just that first visit, I fell in love with the old woman, and couldn’t wait to get to know her better. Unfortunately, without having any ID, I was unable to get a permit to legally own the gun she’d gifted me. And being caught with it would open a whole can of worms. I took it though, and Freak promised to keep it for me, and get me lessons at the gun range the club owned.
We’d left a protesting Ace at Freak’s ma’s, reassuring him it was only temporary. Then, when on our own and halfway back to the clubhouse, Freak shows he had empathy.
“It’s not working out.” His tone is serious.
For a second I think he means our relationship, and I feel like I’d been kicked in the teeth. My throat catches and it’s hard to breathe.
He reaches out his hand to hold mine, squeezing it briefly. “I’m not blind, Trix. I know it’s been hard for everyone to adjust. We could do some space between us and the club, and I can’t wait six fuckin’ months plus to get our house built.” He pauses, then adds, “Ace wants to live with us, and Ma’s given up a decade and a half while she’s been looking after him. She’s getting on, and wants to enjoy life while she’s still healthy and active.” He shakes his head. “I’m an asshole for letting the arrangement go on so long, but it was easy, you know? A babysitter whenever I needed it, and a place for Ace to stay away from the club.”
A wave of relief goes through me. “You want to rent somewhere?”
“Yeah.” The word doesn’t carry the emotion I was expecting. So I wait for him to expand, he doesn’t disappoint. “I’ve got to take it to the club, Trix.” He takes his eyes off the road for a moment and gives me an appraising glance. “You’re still legally married to that bastard, and he’s Mafia. If there’s a chance hemight find you once you’re off the compound, and if he finds out you’ve been sheltered by the Kings, it could bring heat down on the club that they might not want to deal with.”
“I wish he was dead,” I murmur.
He sighs loudly, looks over toward me again, then gives my hand a shake. “Hey, I just need to test the waters on this. In my view, the risk is minuscule, but making a wrong decision wouldn’t just affect us.”
Why can’t I be a normal woman? It’s embarrassing that everyone knows my baggage, and, more than that, it could pose a danger to everyone.
“I understand,” I say, though it’s through gritted teeth. Freak and I should be able to live our lives together without Piero influencing it.
At the next church,the club apparently weighed up the pros and cons, and came down on the side that it was unlikely Piero had any idea what part of the States I’d landed in. As long as I was careful not to draw attention to myself – which I guess meant not being caught dancing naked on the street – they decided the risk was so small it could be discounted. A few days later, Freak had found a little two-bedroom house available for rent. After I’d seen it and given my approval, he’d signed a lease and paid the deposit.
It wasn’t far from the compound and within easy reach of Royals. In many ways, it was ideal. I was just happy to have a place of our own where we could concentrate on us, and be away from the ears and eyes of his brothers. We agreed that for now, I would stay away from the club unless I went there with Freak. Well it was my idea, and seeing I was set on it, Freak gave in.
I was delighted. At sixteen I’d dreamed of being mistress of my own home, but I’d been saddled with a housekeeper who’d ruled the roost. Now it was all down to me, and I freaking loved it. It wasn’t all easy sailing. I couldn’t make a bed to Army standards, as Freak preferred, but he put up with my best efforts, and in return, I overlooked some of his worse habits, like leaving hair in the sink after he’d trimmed his beard. Of course, it was our honeymoon period, but with the good-natured give and take between us, I thought we could weather all storms. The best bit? Him, Ace and I playing happy family.
Surprisingly, within my own four walls, I feel less lonely than when I was at the clubhouse, and happy with my own company while Freak’s at work and Ace at summer school or at Short’s. Today, due to my stomach reminding me I’m female, I’m more than happy to lie on our second-hand couch, and take the opportunity to think about what I want to do with my life. I don’t feel right with Freak being the only breadwinner. But how can I contribute?
Freak asked if I wanted to continue my education and get my GED. While I haven't made a decision yet, I’m still thinking about it. One difficulty is again that fucking ID, and that I don’t have it, nor any inclination to raise my head above the parapet to get it.
Now Freak has pointed out the club’s involvement, there’s another reason that I can’t risk Piero finding me. He may have given up, but there’s too much at stake to bank on it. My not-as-much-as-I’d-like ex is now approaching sixty. Freak had been right to suggest he might want to marry again and get that precious heir he could have had if he’d kept his hands off me. Would he be patient and wait the additional two years when he’d probably be able to have me declared presumed dead? Knowing the man as I do, he’d not take the risk of me reappearing oneday. He likes all his i’s dotted and his t’s crossed. Shuddering, I believe I’ll never be free of the risk, he’s still searching for me.
I’ve been careful to stay under the radar. Even the club only knows me as Trixie, they’ve never used my last name, there was no need for it. Club girls don’t get paid in anything other than sex or cash, and certainly don’t get medical insurance. It would be almost impossible for him to find me in this small town less than twenty miles from the Mexican border. And, until recently, I’d rarely left the club except to shop for necessities. I had no need to.
The doorbell rings. I startle having been lost in my thoughts, and go to answer.
Pippa narrows her eyes at me when I open the door. “You feeling better? Freak said you were under the weather.”
“It’s just my damn period,” I answer as I wave her inside our small rental. “Freak’s so damn overprotective. I’d have come in with Freak…”
“Shucks, woman. He wants you curled up with a hot water bottle and a blanket, then why argue?”
“Because it’s June in Arizona?” I quickly close the door before too much heat can enter.
She laughs. “Yeah, you’ve got a point there. At least the air conditioning works.”
“Freak got that all sorted before he signed the contract.” I sigh. “To tell you the truth, Pippa, I’m bored with lying around.”
