He hesitated like he wasn’t sure if he should answer. “Yes.”
“Was it hard? I mean, to live with yourself after?”
He didn’t blink. “In both cases there wasn’t any other option. Why are you?—?”
“He’s not going to stop until he has me or I’m dead.”
My statement landed like an anvil. The attack on the hotel had proven how far Frey was willing to go. Jason looked conflicted, like he wanted to deny it but didn’t want to lie to me, either.
“Don’t think about it. We’ll catch him,” he said. “Until then, you’re here where you’re safe.” His arm secured me up against him once again. “You’re safe with me.” His kiss silenced any other thoughts, ending the discussion.
I’d pulled my clothes on, unable to drag my gaze away from the man asleep on the bed. We’d both drifted off, still behind on sleep, and for a while Jason’s touch kept my brain quiet. But now I was awake and the panic over my sister grew to be too loud.
Shawn sat on one of his couches in the living room, a hand around a crystal tumbler half-full of a caramel-colored liquid. His warm eyes lit up when he saw me. Then he adjusted his posture so he wasn’t slumped and gestured to the available seating around him.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked. “You don’t like my beer, but that’s not the only thing I have.”
I lowered onto the loveseat that was perpendicular to the couch. “What are you drinking?”
“Bourbon.” When I glanced at a clock near the television, he added, “It’s after six in Munich.”
I couldn’t stomach the taste of bourbon on a good day. “I’m fine, thank you.”
Staring at Shawn was disorienting. He looked so similar to the man in the other room, the one I cared about so deeply and suddenly, it was terrifying. There was considerable worry that I was beginning to fall for him.
And I was scared I’d need to tell Jason as much, because when he called Bill and the new plans were laid out, things might happen too fast. Our days were numbered, and it might be my only chance. I couldn’t let him go without knowing.
But a statement that powerful was bound to have adverse side effects. He might run or claim it wasn’t enough time, even though we’d spent virtually every hour together since the morning he’d sauntered into that FBI conference room and I’d decided I hated him.
And now I might love him.
“Are you all right? You don’t look well.” Concern washed through Shawn’s expression.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
“I would think so.” He gave me a calculating look. “I don’t know if it’ll help or confuse you further, but I don’t believe Jason’s been in love before.”
I almost fell out of my seat. “What? Why would you tell me that?”
“The only emotion he’s good at expressing is anger. The rest are a struggle. I thought I’d warn you that it might be difficult for him to put what he’s feeling into words.”
I was barely able to comprehend his meaning, and my voice fell to a hush. “You think he’s in love with me?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe not. Perhaps he’s only halfway there, but I do know this. I haven’t seen himlike this before. He’s never looked at anyone the way he looks at you.”
I didn’t know how to react or what to do with that information. Warmth spread through me, even as everything felt like it was upside-down.
“I think I’m ready for that bourbon,” I said.
30
JASON
For the second time today,the bed was empty when I awoke, and it made me wonder what I had to do to get Laurel to stay with me. I’d watched her sneak out this morning and was relieved when she’d returned to me.
Which was strange. I usually preferred sleeping alone, to spread out unhindered, but now I stared at the empty sheets in disbelief.
The sex we’d had wasn’t like anything I’d done before.
