My chest clenched, but not because of what Dianna had done to me. I remembered the look of that damn sky as I fell backward, trying to hold my organs in place. Then Xavier, reckless, stupid Xavier, jumped after me like a maniac. That image was burned into my brain. I had never seen that look of devastation on his face, and it told me just how badly I had been hurt. The blue of his power had blazed from his skin as he desperately reached for me as if he knew that if he could get to me, everything would be okay.
At the time, I had thought that would be the last thing I would see, and while it hurt, I was glad it was him. If he hadn’t caught me and gotten me to the healers as quickly as he had, I would have died. He never gave up on me, and I wasn’t about to leave him to the darkness. I’d search the world until I found him, and if not there, the afterlife.
I cleared my throat. “Do not fault her. Dianna was in a very dark place after she lost her sister,” I said. “A very dark, mean place that made her react very badly. She loved her sister very much, and Gabby was taken from her in the most brutal of ways.”
Miska’s throat bobbed, and she glanced toward the basement portion of the dungeon that held the starving Isaiah. “By who?” she whispered.
I shook my head, alleviating her fear that the person responsible was in her home. “A bad man. The one who turned me. Samkiel killed him, and he is long gone. Now roll.”
She nodded and rolled the dice before moving her piece. “She never told me,” Miska said and handed me the dice, her tone a bit forlorn.
“She probably never would have, nor should I, but I feel like there comes a point where keeping secrets only hurts the ones you love,” I said, rolling the dice and moving my piece. “No matter what age.”
Miska kept glancing at me, but she didn’t say anything for a couple of rounds. I waited patiently, and the silence didn’t last long. “Are secrets why Xavier isn’t here? And why you can’t find him?”
My hand clenched around the dice. “Somewhat.”
There was another long pause as she studied me with her hand on her chin, the small points of her ears peeking through her pale hair. Her grin turned mischievous. “Is he your boyfriend?”
“No!” I proclaimed far too loudly, the question a shock to my system.
She smiled to herself, the green mask on her face cracking and flaking where it had dried. A mischievous glint filled her eyes, her pointed ears twitching. Had I rubbed off on her this much? I’d damned myself and helped shape pure trouble.
She shrugged. “It’s okay if he is. In Jade City, everyone had a boyfriend or girlfriend, sometimes many.”
I choked on my spit and coughed. “Okay, you’re far too young to see or even think about that.”
“No, I’m not!” she refuted, tossing her hair and raising her chin. “Dianna says I’m growing into a young woman.”
My groan was as deep as my eye roll.
“Denial is the first step in admitting the truth.” She grinned and leaned forward, asking cheekily, “So, he is your boyfriend?”
“He’s not nor ever was!” I snapped, rolling the dice far too hard.
That question put me more on edge than it should. Along with my new powers, every one of my emotions seemed to be in overdrive. But it was more than that. Xavier was … He never was … We weren’t … That right there was the problem. We’d never defined the unspoken thing between us. I’d pushed it away because of my stupid, foolish fears. How could I risk telling him how I felt when I was responsible for the raid that stole his sister away?
“Liar,” she said in a sing-song voice.
“I’m not lying,” I grumbled, placing another piece and offering her the dice, but she refused to take it.
“But you love him?” she asked. “Like Dianna loves Samkiel?”
My heart thudded like a starved, rabid beast in my chest. Love seemed like such a simple word for what I felt. I’d give my last breath if it meant he existed. Dying for him would be easy. I remade myself for him, gave my life, and burned away my celestial blood until only the Ig’Morruthen beneath my skin lived. Love? No, it had been more than love for a while now. My only regret in all of it was that I feared he would never know.
“Are you trying to distract me to win?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.
A grin lit up her face as she rolled, hitting the perfect number to collect my totems and win. “Yes.”
I faked a gasp but was secretly proud of her. She’d definitely been spending way too much time with me. “Absolute trouble you are,” I said, shaking my head and gathering our pieces to start over.
She stuck her tongue out, and I chuckled at her sass. A crack came from above, and our heads snapped up. Miska rose and nearly fell into my chair, sitting as close as she could get.
“What was that?” she whispered.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe Dianna came back early?” I rose to my feet and Miska did too, her hand fisting in the bottom of my shirt.
“I thought she said it may take a few days?” Miska asked.
