“Past transgressions I had because you and my evil, hateful sister robbed me of what was mine,” I yelled, slamming another punch down into his face before grabbing the collar of his armor and lifting him. “And you’re a fool to think I don’t tell her everything. She already knows about my past. I am talking about you so brutally tossing her sister’s life at her. You might as well have twisted a blade in a forever-healing wound.” Another punch. “How you snuffed that fire from her eyes and left hate in its wake. You have no idea how deeply you have wounded her. She still carries the jagged, broken pieces you left behind after all the years of your lying and deceit. Do you know how long it took before she would allow me to even attempt to tend the festering wounds you left behind? How they still crack open from time to time because of you.”
My fist connected with his nose. I knew he saw it coming, but he didn’t try to stop it. The logical part of my brain flared, allowing me to think past the protective rage that always violently reared its head when it came to Dianna, and I realized he wanted this. He wanted this punishment. I wouldn’t give him the absolution. I pushed up off him, wiping at the bloody sand caked on the front of my armor.
Kaden sat up, spitting blood, something flashing in his eyes. I didn’t care enough to figure out what it was, but I hoped it hurt him. I spun away from him, striding past the warship we had fallen with. The consoles continued to beep and smoke from the electricity I had forced through the ship.
“I only brought it up because in her need to save you, she was blind to the dangers,” Kaden called after me. “She was being reckless.”
I bit out a harsh laugh as I spun. He half sat up in the sand, wiping the blood from his face. “So that’s what it is? You’re jealous she cared enough to want to save me?”
His face crumpled as he snarled. “I was worried about the fact that we’d all die when she rushed empty-headed into a fleet of warships.”
“Oh, blow me,” I snapped, tossing my hands toward the sky in agitation. “You think I am blind? Deaf? I see the way you look at her every fucking day. I hear how your heartbeat rises in her presence. Your eyes never leave her, even when you pretend they do. I see the way you are around her. You’re a liar, and we both know it.”
Kaden’s jaw clenched as if a part of him wanted to object, but then he took a deep breath. It seemed he was not willing to fight. “You’re right.”
My shoulders sagged, and I sighed. “I know I am. I am right because youthinkyou feel the same way about her as I do. But you don’t love her. Not as I do. You don’t do what you have done to her, take what you have, and say it’s love. That’s not love.”
For once, the old him seemed to raise his ugly head as he jumped to his feet and stomped toward me. “You think I don’t know that? But I don’t know what else to call it. I can’t …” He stopped, lowering his gaze as if he realized what he was saying. “I wish I felt nothing for her. I do, and I have tried to let it go. Nismera sent me to kill her, and I didn’t. Do you know why?”
“Because you’re a sick fuck who wanted something that was always supposed to be mine.”
“No.” He scoffed. “Because of how she is who she is. You felt it too. I know you did. I know how fucking miserable you were when you were locked away. Me fucking too. Dianna does that. She shows up, and gods above and below, she refuses to leave, to give up. She is light, Samkiel. I know you felt it too, because I did. When I met her, it was as if she chased every gods damn demon I had, and I fell. Hard. Fast and …”
I said nothing as he seemed to think of his words or was waiting for me to hit him again for them, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because he wasn’t lying. That’s exactly what I felt. Dianna crashed into my life and saved me in more ways than one. She woke me up and made me care again. Made me love.
“There were times I wished I didn’t care if she breathed or cried because I had to be cruel,” he said. “I know I hurt her. I was instructed to, and I had no choice. You may not believe me, but honestly, I don’t fucking care because it’s the truth. I pushed her away in the only way I knew how, and I lied, and I used her. There were times I prayed she’d just leave me and save herself. I’d send her away to her sister, thinking the separation would help me, but I still crawled after her like a damn hound. I know what I feel isn’t real to you, to her, or to anyone, but it was and is real to me. It seems I can’t bury or get rid of these damn feelings, any more than I can die. They keep coming back, eating at what damned, rotten soul I have.”
Kaden took another step, invading my space as we stood eye to eye, but no anger bubbled there, only … pain. He yanked a blade from his chest strap and grabbed my hand, slapping the hilt into my palm. He jerked it forward, placing the tip over his heart.
“Do you think I want these feelings? By all means, Brother, cut them from my chest. Carve out the heart that still beats only for her. I beg of thee.”
I said nothing. I did nothing. Just held that blade there.
“I know she is yours,” he said finally. “I know that. Everyone does. It was written in the fucking stars. I just thought I could defy them. I can’t, and I don’t want to anymore. Youwin, Samkiel.” He said the word not as a curse but with resignation. “Is that what you need to hear? I will not try to take her from you any longer. That part of me died, too.”
Kaden waited as if those words would force my hand, but they didn’t. They wouldn’t. With a single deep breath, Kaden turned away from me, leaving me holding the blade he had angled at his heart. I dropped my arm to my side.
“What happened with Nismera?” I called out after him. I knew it was more than his death. He had freed Isaiah and taken Miska, and I knew they had returned to her palace. But since we found them, neither of them had spoken of her. They had also made no attempt to betray the location of our home or call her legion to us. Something had happened.
Kaden stopped so abruptly that sand danced around his boots from the force. He looked at me over his shoulder. Pain and betrayal flickered in his gaze. It was quick, but it was enough to make me truly listen to his words. “Isaiah and I are here to help until that death mark is off of us. That’s all you and Dianna need to know.”
“Why?”
“Because what we have to deal with is far larger than unresolved emotions.”
My brows flicked upwards. “I don’t buy it. This newfound you. I think you are a beast tethered on Death’s leash, and that’s the only thing keeping you in control.”
Kaden avoided my gaze, but anger flashed across his face as if he knew whatever rebuttal he wished to toss at me was pointless.
“Let’s just say I am reaping what I sowed and leave it at that.” He turned back, walking away from me. I caught up to him, keeping the same pace.
I scoffed. “About time, I suppose.”
He stopped, and I did as well. “For me, yes, but not Isaiah.”
I couldn’t help the eye roll that followed. “You mean Blood Scorn. The commander who made the streets of the cities she wished to claim run with blood.”
Kaden’s throat bobbed. “You blame us for all that we have done while under the rule of someone we thought gave a shit about us, yet you don’t hold Dianna responsible for her actions.”
