I have given Janet my story, as I have no other mortal. I have shown her Faery, as She is and as She may be, if the Teind goes yet unpaid. All to no avail.
Janet will not give Tam Lin up.
It has been a long time since I was as young as Janet. Mayhap I have forgotten what a mortal maiden truly wants. How she even thinks.
I have frightened her, the best way I know how. Held the darkest curses on the tip of my tongue. Let her see the storm raging ever inside me, brought forth all the hideousness Faery can hold, for it is in me as much as the beauty is. I am monstrous and powerful, dark as death and bright as hope.
But the sky grows light. I have used up my last resource and so, there is nothing more to do but permit the sun to rise.
This exhaustion I feel, the heaviness taking over all my limbs, the temptation to give up this endeavor completely, it is as mortal as I have felt in years.
I will not yield to it.
One final time, I hold Janet’s gaze. “Will you give me back Tam Lin?”
I cannot force him from her, more’s the pity. It is against the rules, which we of Faery can twist all we want, but we can never break.
The forest grows still. The breeze is no more. The dew hangs off the leaves of the rosebushes but, impossibly, does not drop to the forest floor.
All the world awaits Janet’s answer.
She lifts her chin, does not shake or moan. “I cannot,” Janet says simply. “He is not mine to give.”
This is not true. She saved his life, and so, sheclaimedhis life, as I had Thomas’s.
My shepherd could not have refused to pay the Teind in the end.
I hold back dawn with one hand. The hand is a gnarled shadow against the light, eternal but no longer young.
Janet steps in front of Tam Lin, who pulls her mantle around them both. “Tam Lin does not choose to return to you, Your Majesty.” She leans back against him. “Not like his forebear did.”
I laugh bitterly, for when did Thomas choose to return to me? After all I had done for him, after how much he owed me, and said as much himself, Thomas de Lyne had to be dragged down by the Wild Hunt, carried away to Carterhaugh for the rade.
“Thomas chose nothing.” I scoff. “Nay, he chose to marry Margaret over me.”
Janet nods, and there is hateful pity, disgusting pity in her eyes. “And give her a child. An heir to the Barony de Lyne. And after that—”
“I took his life!” As I meant to Tam Lin’s. As I needed to Tam Lin’s, for Faery would perish else.
“Or Thomas gave it.”
I stare at her. Has she not been listening? It was I who held the dagger. I who plunged it into his chest. His blood spilled over me and over Faery, renewing the land, as only the Teind will do.
And yet she persists. “‘You were ever both, my wood nymph.’ Isn’t that what he said in the end?”
I shake my head, denying, disbelieving. How can this mere child see us so plain?
“He knew what you were, my queen. I think he always did, maybe from the time you met at Mairi Grieve’s funeral. And yes, for the sake of his birthright, he did marry Margaret of Roxburgh, and she bore his heir. He owed it to his people, as you owe the Teind to yours. You told me as much yourself.”
What can hurt more than my own words thrown back at me? This girl is too clever by half.
She swallows but meets my gaze boldly. “Once his duty was done, he came back to you.”
She lies.Well I know how mortals lie. Thomas was selfish, as all mortals are selfish. Betrayed me. I cannot bear to think otherwise.
I killed him.
Thomas always lived on borrowed time.
