“I don’t understand. How did you find us?” I smoothed my hair and straightened my clothes, which were a mess from a night of mostly emotional labor.
His eyes followed my desperate attempt to look less like a hot mess, and a flicker of amusement crossed his expression. “I missed you,” he said.
“What, Parliament isn’t keeping you busy enough?” I said, putting a wall of sarcasm between us before I invited him into more than the house.
“Yes and no. I’ve made a couple of changes I think you’ll like.” He squared his shoulders and said, “I’ve started a podcast.”
Heaven laughed. “Really? You and Prince Harry, huh?”
Vlad gave her a secret smile. “It’s not not that.” Turning to me, he said, “I’ve enjoyed watching your videos.”
My what? Oh. Heaven’s TikToks.
“I gave all your video recordings a thumbs-up. Didn’t you notice?”
“Since when do you use social media?” I demanded. “I thought you said it was a ‘blight upon humanity’. Is that how you found me?”
“Yes. Did you know your address is on Google Maps?”
I turned to Heaven. “Did you do that?”
She nodded. “Radiance needs to be findable.”
Damn, she worked fast.
“Tiffenie, a vampire is not supposed to share anything with mortals. The dark and mysterious image is by design! And here you are on TikTok changing cat litter and talking about whatever pops into your head.”
I shrugged, but I knew he was right.
“You’re aware that it’s against the rules to give a mortal your location?” he said. “How many followers do you have, Heaven?”
She clapped back with “Didn’t you say you started a podcast?”
“That’s different. TikTok isn’t even secure enough for mortals. Half of these apps are run by people with fascist inclinations who will steal your identity.”
Now that was funny.
“And it’s not like you’re just online talking about the weather. I watched you nearly burn down the house.” He looked around the living room, probably for signs of smoke damage. “That’s when I got in the car.”
“Vlad.” I said his name deliberately to stop his diatribe against social media. “This is exactly why I don’t talk to you. Heaven and I aren’t going to live like it’s 1500 because 1500 wasn’t that great.”
“I just want you to be safe.” After a moment of silence, he said, “Let’s talk about it tomorrow. I brought my best bottle of vintage blood for us, 100 percent virgin. Bottled in Utah.” Looking at Heaven, he lamented, “I tried to get Tiffenie to move to Utah with me. Cold mountain air, virgins everywhere.”
I stormed over to the door and grabbed the bottle of blood waiting there. “Thanks, but no thanks, Vlad.” I uttered his name like a curse.
Vlad looked at Heaven. “My apologies for not bringing a virgin in theflesh, a consenting one, of course,” he said, with a nod to me as if that solved all of my issues. “When I turned Tiffenie, I had a bevy of virgins for her to feast on.” He smiled fondly at me, and at the memory.
Heaven ignored me and eyed the bottle. She was practically drooling. “I’m game, if it’s ethically sourced? No one got murdered or anything, right?”
“Of course not! The parliament runs a clinic near each major coven. People donate, get a Band-Aid and a monster cookie. Everyone’s happy and fed. No one gets hurt.” He made eye contact with me as he said this.
“We’re vegans.” I pushed the bottle back toward him. I would not trade my principles for a few comforts.
Vlad covered his face with a hand. “And you callmeinsufferable.”
“Vlad, stop. We don’t drink blood in this house anymore and we definitely don’t worry about whether someone is a virgin.”
He looked aghast. “No wonder you’re so pale and drawn.”
