In a few days, he would be flying to California for one of the most important meetings in his life. Maybe creating this exit plan from Moose Falls was the right decision. Gordon seemed to think one of the networks hiring Xavierwas pretty much a done deal. If he was offered a position, everything would move very quickly, according to Gordon. Xavier would have one foot in Moose Falls and the other in California.
You’re putting up imaginary roadblocks.True’s words were stuck in his head. Was she right? He had been in a tailspin after the news coverage about the wedding. His focus had been squarely on all the mistakes he’d made in the past with relationships and how he no longer wanted to be played for a fool.
What about us?True’s question had almost brought him to his knees despite his nonchalant façade. Why hadn’t he pulled her into his arms and told her that they were going to be fine? He had allowed his own personal demons to ruin what they’d been building. He was too ashamed to face her. True was better off without him!
A knock on his office door dragged him from his thoughts. The door slowly opened to reveal Landon standing in the doorway.
“Caleb and I flipped a coin to see which one of us would ask you if you’re doing okay,” Landon said. “You don’t look so hot.”
“Thanks,” Xavier said dryly. He knew he looked a bit raggedy with stubble on his cheeks and bags under his eyes. He’d hoped his professional business attire would lend him a more polished look, but his brothers saw past all that.
“I’ve been better,” he admitted, his eyes downcast. “True and I won’t be seeing each other anymore.” Just saying those words out loud caused a stabbing sensation in his chest.
“Why not?” Landon asked, looking stricken. “You two are so great together. We haven’t seen you this happy since… ever.”
“I don’t want to get played again. The worst part offalling in love with someone is finding out that they’ve been using you. Been there, done that. Not doing it again.”
Landon frowned at him. “I’m not sure why you think that about True, but she strikes me as being very genuine. You’re just letting the news about Heather mess with you.”
“And you think it’s a coincidence that True zeroed in on me?” He let out a snort. “She probably Googled me and realized that I was a sucker.”
“From what I remember, you homed in on her just as much. You told us repeatedly that she was a good person. How can that have changed?” Landon was staring at Xavier with a look of shock and disappointment. In other circumstances it might break his heart, but the situation with True was already accomplishing that feat. He was completely broken in a way he’d never felt before. The Heather situation had been mortifying due to the involvement of Chazz, but he hadn’t felt this overwhelming love for his ex-fiancée.
Landon was a softie who always wanted to believe the best about people. It was astounding considering the way his colleagues at the laboratory had betrayed and scapegoated him. He still believed in people despite all he’d endured.
“I envy you.” Landon looked at him wistfully.
Xavier scoffed. “Is that right? Why on earth would you envy me?”
“Because you’re in love. And True loves you back. I’d give anything to have that.”
“Why do you think she loves me?” he asked. His heart began to thump wildly in his chest. True had been about to tell him she loved him when he cut her off. Why had he done that? Out of fear and uncertainty about her motives. A knee-jerk reaction to the way he’d been made to feel in past relationships.
Xavier wanted to believe True was in love with him, butthey had never spoken words of love. He had been reluctant to believe her feelings for him were so powerful.
Landon gaped at him. “Are you kidding me? It’s all in her eyes, bro. The way she looks at you is so full of love, it’s almost blinding.”
Had Landon seen what Xavier hadn’t? If so, it made him wonder if he’d gotten it all wrong. Maybe he had allowed his own issues to mess with his head.
“That doesn’t mean we walk off into the sunset together, Landon.” His voice sounded gravelly to his own ears. Knowing True wouldn’t be a part of his future gutted him. When had the idea of being with True become so important to him? Why did he feel as if something sharp were lodged in his chest?
“What’s stopping you?” Landon asked. His eyes were full of questions and a bit of innocence that came from never having been truly heartbroken before. His brother meant well, but he had never been in Xavier’s position. He didn’t know how helpless a person felt when they were in love. The highs and the lows. The hope and the fear. But there was so much beauty too, moments he had shared with True that he would never forget. They were imprinted on his heart.
“Landon, I have an interview in California next week for a sports commentator gig.” He held up his hand before his brother could say anything. “I was planning to tell you and Caleb earlier, but I kept putting it off. I’ll still honor my commitment for the year, but if I get the job, I’ll be in Los Angeles on the weekends.”
Landon had a stunned expression on his face. “Why can’t you let it go, Xavier? Maybe it’s time to dream other dreams.”
He had been asking himself that same question ever since his career-ending collision. After all this time, he wasstill grappling for answers. How could he put it into words so Landon would understand?
“It’s been my whole world ever since I first walked onto a field. I’ve never been any good at anything else. At least with this gig, I can talk about football.”I’ll matter, he wanted to say.I won’t just be a has-been, used to be, almost was.
“But you don’t even enjoy that side of it. The glare of the lights. The interviews. The trash talk. Have you really thought this through?”
“Who am I if I’m not a football player? The Storm? At least if I’m a commentator, I can still be in that world.”
Landon placed his hands on Xavier’s shoulders and gently shook him. He looked into his eyes. “You’re Xavier Stone. That’s who you are. It’s enough. I promise you. You’re enough.”
He didn’t know how to let go of one dream in order to grab hold of another one. Other than his family, football had always been his soft place to fall. It had given him validation, respect, admiration, and a lifestyle beyond his wildest dreams. Letting go meant failure. He was used to going the distance. He had always been a fighter.
