“Xavier, give me a chance to—”
“To what? Break my heart all over again?” He let out a brittle laugh.Been there. Done that.If he was learning anything at all from the past, it was to not repeat old mistakes. No matter how much he ached for a relationship with his dad, he wasn’t sure he could handle being disappointed once again. Wasn’t that why he had pretended not to care as an adult? Deep down he’d feared this very thing.
Red placed his hand on Xavier’s arm. “I’d never want to hurt you, son.”
Xavier shrugged him off. “That’s all you’ve ever done.” Painful memories rose, reminding him of old hurts.
Red winced. “You have no idea how sorry I am about that. Tell me what I can do to fix this.” His voice had a pleading tone.
Hurt unfurled in Xavier’s chest. For so long he’d stuffed it down, but now everything was threatening to burst out of his chest. “There’s nothing you can do.” With those parting words, Xavier turned and headed up the staircase to see his grandmother. By the time he made his way to Hattie’s bedroom, Xavier was emotionally exhausted. Dealing with Red was full of ups and downs. Just when he thought they could cut through some of the issues that were causing a divide between them, his father showed him that he was still emotionally unavailable. If Red could abandon Hattie in her time of need, Xavier knew he could do it to him as well.
He tapped on Hattie’s door, pushing the door open when he heard her inviting him in. She was sitting up in the bed with a pad of paper on her lap and a pen in her hand.
“Xavier! You’re such a welcome sight,” Hattie called out as she beckoned him over to her bed.
“I brought these forget-me-nots to lift your spirits.” He handed the bouquet to her.
“For me?” she asked, pressing her hand to her chest. “These are lovely,” she gushed, bringing the flowers to her nose and inhaling their scent. “Aah, these are my favorites,” she said, closing her eyes. “They remind me of Jack, my husband. He used to give them to me on my birthday and our anniversary. Most romantic man I’ve ever known.”
“I’m not sure I was ever told what happened to him other than he died young.” His mother hadn’t told them much of anything about their family roots. And according to Red, he had seen his father die.
“He was taken from us well before his time,” Hattie said, emotion clogging her throat. “My Jack had an adventurous spirit. He didn’t feel alive unless he was doing something to challenge his own existence. That’s what he used to say. So he climbed Mount Everest, trekked in the Himalayas, flew a seaplane.” She slapped her leg and said, “He even swam with sharks, believe it or not. I tried for a time to get him to stop living on the edge, as they say, but he wouldn’t hear of it.”
“How did he die, if I may ask?” Xavier was trying to be as delicate as possible, but he was consumed by curiosity about his thrill-seeking grandfather. Clearly his death had heavily impacted his father.
“Mountain climbing in Alaska. It wasn’t even as challenging as some others he completed, but a simple misstep on a ridge ended his life.” She let out a tremendous sigh. “I was a widow at thirty-five years old. The love of my life died chasing something he loved more than his own family.” A note of bitterness clung to her words.
“I doubt that’s true,” Xavier said. “Sometimes there are things that get in our blood, and we just can’t seem to shake them.” He empathized with Jack. Football had seeped into hisbloodstream years ago, and he still couldn’t seem to let it go. He wondered if anything could ever make him feel the same way.
“Like football?” Hattie asked, staring at him like a sharp-eyed hawk. When he nodded, she shook her head. “It’s been your lifelong passion, hasn’t it? I’m glad you’re coaching the youngsters so you can still do what you love in some capacity.”
Coaching the Mavericks was rewarding. But was it enough to quell his desire to be back in the thick of the camaraderie, the competitiveness, and the glory? It was worlds apart from the NFL.
“Maybe Jack shouldn’t have had to choose.” What would he have done if someone had asked him to make a choice between love and football? Even now he couldn’t get the sport out of his heart and mind. His grandfather had simply been doing something he loved.
“It may be hard for you to understand, but since he was a father and husband, I wanted him to make different choices for me and our son.” She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. “That’s all water under the bridge,” she said with a wave of her hand. Xavier sensed that she didn’t discuss Jack’s death very much due to the fact that it was painful.
Hattie fiddled with her fingers. “My hearing is still pretty good. I heard you and Red shouting at each other after he visited me. Don’t be too angry with him for disappearing when I went to the hospital. At least this time he didn’t leave town,” she quipped. “He’s been doing that for years.”
“How can you joke about him not supporting you?” Xavier asked, his frustration threatening to boil over. “He’s a grown man.”
“Oh, Xavier, I’ve learned to accept him as he is. I’m flawed as well. I need to apologize to you for allowing my health issues to deter me from visiting you. With dialysis treatmentsit was very complicated, but I deeply regret it.” Her voice was filled with deep sorrow. Tears pooled in her eyes, causing Xavier to put his arms around her in a tight embrace.
“I understand. You were going through a lot. We would never hold that against you,” he said. “And my mom could have brought us back to see you, so it’s not all on your shoulders.”
“Red has changed for the better, that’s all I know.” She let out a ragged sigh. “Some people have limitations that don’t allow them to deal with the hard stuff. It boils down to the luck of the draw. We’re either born with backbone, or we’re not.”
He scoffed. “That sounds like a cop-out.” He placed the flowers in a vase on Hattie’s bedside table. “So some folks just get to avoid the hard stuff? And what about the people they hurt along the way?”
“Xavier, you know firsthand about not having a father present during your formative years. Red had that as well. He had the added misfortune of being at the mountain that day waiting for his father to descend. He saw way more than any child should.” Hattie shuddered and closed her eyes. “He didn’t sleep or eat for weeks. And you’re right. Passing on hurt is a terrible thing. You and your brothers didn’t deserve that.”
Xavier couldn’t believe his ears. Why hadn’t anyone told him this before? Neither of his parents had ever breathed a word about Jack, his untimely end, or the fact his father had borne witness to it. A traumatic event in a child’s life might scar him forever.
Maybe Xavier really didn’t know a single thing about his father. But the truth was, he needed to find out, otherwise he would be half the man he wanted to become. Perhaps today had been a huge step in that direction. Red had been painfully honest with him, and despite his anger toward his father, Xavier needed him. He was a missing part of hisstory. The heavy weight on his chest was beginning to ease up. They would both have to work on their relationship, but for the first time he believed they could reconcile.
“On another note, you and True? Is it serious?” Hattie asked.
“It might be. Honestly, I’m not sure,” he answered. “I don’t kiss and tell, but I confess I’m pretty smitten.” He wasn’t sure how it had happened so quickly, but he had fallen for True. He couldn’t pretend with his grandmother. What they had was the real thing, and with each and every day, he was realizing that he needed her in his life. She made him happy. He couldn’t predict the future, but he knew True being in it would make his better.
