Falling in love with Harlow had been easy.
Falling out of love with her was going to be nearly impossible.
***
It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon in November with a wintry chill in the air. Today’s weather indicated a shift in the direction of winter. Harlow overheard a few locals saying it smelled as if snow was on the way. Hearing this chatter took Harlow all the way back to being a kid in Vermont and listening to her parents say the same thing.
“Time to pull out the snow boots, Dee. It smells like snow.” Her father’s deep voice had been robust and joyful.
“I know, Jack,” her mother responded. “We’ll have to take the kids shopping for new ones along with snowsuits.”
“Absolutely. I just made the reservation for our ski weekend at Mount Snow. The kids are going to love it.” Her father’s grin stretched from ear to ear.
“No one’s going to enjoy it more than you,” her mother had said, pressing a kiss on her husband’s face.
The memory seized her by the heartstrings. They’d been happy together. A love match. Why was it that the good memories had been stuffed down alongside the bad ones? Why was this remembrance popping up right now? A week later, he’d been killed in the car accident. The trip to Mount Snow had never taken place.
At the moment, Harlow was kicking herself for not canceling her brunch date with Stella and Lucy. She was trying to act normal and pretend as if she wasn’t completely falling apart, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to plaster a smile on her face and keep up the happy-go-lucky façade. She was absolutely miserable on the inside and it was shocking that her feelings weren’t oozing out for all the world to see.
She needed to focus on what her friends were saying instead of letting her mind wander back to Nick. Never in her life had she felt this aching sense of loss after a breakup. The only thing she could compare it to was grief. Harlow felt as if the bottom had fallen out of her world. Dealing with deep emotions was something she always avoided. It had been her pattern since her father’s death. But lately, stuffing everything down wasn’t working. Things kept bubbling up to the surface.
“I was thinking we could do a movie date night at Casablanca’s,” Lucy said as she reached for a berry-flavored scone. “Dante comes back from Los Angeles next Friday.”
“Oh, that would be great. I can ask Mom and Dad to watch Jade,” Stella said, clapping her hands together. “Tess has been begging to babysit. I still think she’s a little too young for that solo responsibility, but she can help them out and get some pointers.”
“Are you in, Harlow?” Lucy asked before taking a sip of her mint tea.
Harlow fiddled with her teacup. “That might be kind of awkward. Nick and I broke up.”
“What happened?” Stella asked. Her tone radiated shock. “You two seemed blissful.”
“Nick is such an idiot!” Lucy said, twisting her mouth. “He doesn’t know what he wants or needs.”
“It wasn’t Nick. I was the one who ended things,” Harlow admitted. Just saying the words out loud made her feel foolish.
Both sisters gasped and stared at her as if they couldn’t comprehend what she’d told them.
“Why, Harlow?” Lucy finally asked, brows knit together. “You two are great together.”
Stella shook her head. “I’m shocked. Did something happen?”
Harlow paused for a moment. “He told me that he was in love with me.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” Lucy’s voice came out as a screech.
“No, of course it isn’t,” Harlow quickly answered. “Love is a wonderful thing. It’s precious and rare. And any women worth a damn would be lucky to be loved by a man like Nick.”
Unexpected tears slid down her cheeks. As soon as she brushed them away, more tears fell. “Don’t mind me. I have no idea of why I’m crying.”
“Don’t you?” Stella asked, narrowing her gaze as she looked at her.
Lucy handed her a tissue. Harlow dabbed at her eyes and sniffled, willing herself not to shed any more tears. “No offense, but you don’t seem happy with your decision.”
Harlow bowed her head. She couldn’t even bear to lock eyes with Stella and Lucy. What was going on with her? She was blubbering like a big ol’ baby.
“Harlow. What’s wrong?” Stella asked. “You don’t look so good.”
The truth was that she didn’t feel very good. She was sick to her stomach. What had she done by breaking up with the best thing that had ever come into her life? She’d been a fool to allow fear to get in the way of her relationship with Nick. Fear and doubt and anxiety.
