“If you can talk, you can breathe,” Malcolm said, placing his arm around her. “I think you might be having a panic attack. Just take small little breaths until you feel better.”
Harlow closed her eyes and began breathing in and out. Malcolm placed his hand on her back and patted it gently as she tried to calm down. After a difficult few minutes she began to feel better.
“I think I’m good now,” she said, turning toward Malcolm. She felt guilty about the terrified look on his face.
“What just happened?” he asked.
“I don’t know exactly, but seeing Mom like that…it felt as if the walls were closing in on us.” She swiped away tears from her cheeks. “This has never happened before.”
“You used to have panic attacks when we were little.”
Harlow frowned. How had she forgotten that? The first time, she’d thought she was dying. After a while she’d outgrown them and put them behind her. This one had come out of nowhere, completely taking her by surprise.
Malcolm touched her wrist. “It’s not too shocking, given all the stress you’re under.”
She looked out the window, focusing on a flock of seagulls that were gathered on the beach. For so long she had bottled up her emotions. Now everything was pouring out of her and she couldn’t stem the tide. “I wish that I could tell her about Paws and my student loans being paid off by the state of Maine. I wish that I could look into her eyes and know that she recognizes me. I always made not visiting about the distance, but I think the truth is that I was too scared to face her being sick.” Harlow put her face in her hands and sobbed. She wasn’t a crier. She’d never been comfortable wearing her emotions on the outside. But lately that had transformed. She was having trouble holding everything in.
“Hey! You can still tell her those things,” Malcolm said in a soft voice. “And you’re facing all of this right now. You’re not running from it.”
“But will she hear me? Can she understand?” Harlow asked, sniffling.
“I believe she does, Harlow. Just talk to her, all right? Whatever you have to say, don’t hold it in. She’s still in there. She’s still our mom.”
“It’s scary to think that we’ve already lost her.”
“But we haven’t. And I refuse to let you mourn her before it’s time.”
As usual, Malcolm saw things way clearer than she was able to. He always got to the heart of the matter in no time at all. Harlow sucked in a fortifying breath and said, “You’re right. I’ve got to put my big-girl panties on and deal with it like a grown-up.”
A few minutes later, Harlow went back inside with Malcolm and sat down next to her mother.
“Mom, I brought you something,” Harlow said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a bottle of perfume. “I thought you might like to wear this. Chanel No. 5 has always been your favorite.” Harlow sprayed a little on her finger before reaching out and spreading it on her mother’s wrist. Instead of pulling away, she let Harlow touch her. Harlow then raised her mom’s wrist to her nose so she could smell the fragrance.
“Guess what?” she asked in a chipper tone. “I’m working at a new veterinarian clinic called Paws. It’s a great practice in Mistletoe, Maine. And I’m really loving it. I didn’t think I’d fall in love with Mistletoe, but it’s so charming. And everyone is really nice.” She made a face, then corrected herself. “Well, not everyone. There’s this one nasty woman who decided to smear my name by bad-mouthing my veterinary skills.” Just talking about the situation made her feel anxious.
Malcolm leaned over and squeezed her hand. “Take a deep breath,” he whispered. As usual, her brother was right. She needed to breathe.
She inhaled deeply and then exhaled through her nose before continuing. “But don’t worry, I’m not going to let lies tear me down. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am,” she continued. “I met someone. His name is Nick and he’s one of the good guys. He rescues people for a living.” She let out a chuckle. “Honestly, he rescued me when I first arrived in Maine. He’s a single dad, and he has the most adorable son named Miles.” She touched her mother’s hand. Harlow didn’t want to frighten her, but she needed the contact. She ached to be held by her. When she was little, her mother used to sit her between her legs and braid her hair. What she wouldn’t give to go back in time and relive those moments.
Her mother locked gazes with her. She reached out and tenderly ran her hand across her cheek. “Baby. My baby.”
Harlow placed her hand over her mother’s and sighed. “Always, Mom. Always.”
***
“Nice catch, Miles,” Nick shouted as he watched Miles land the baseball in his mitt. His son was steadily improving his athletic abilities. Although football had been big in the Keegan household growing up, his son preferred soccer and baseball. Zeus was running beside Miles, trying his best to reach the ball first by jumping in the air. Nick got a kick out of their dog’s unbridled enthusiasm.
“Thanks, Dad,” Miles called back to him before throwing the baseball in Nick’s direction. Nick let out a low whistle as he caught the ball. Miles also possessed a killer throwing arm. Ever since he was able to toss a ball, Miles had talked about playing for the Red Sox. Nick had always told him that his dreams could take him anywhere. And he believed his son could do anything, be anything. President. Astronaut. Pitcher for the Red Sox.
Nick beckoned him to come back toward the house. When Miles reached his side, Nick said, “Hey bud. I wanted to talk to you about something. Why don’t we go sit down on the front steps?”
“Uh-oh,” Miles said, letting out a groan. “Am I in trouble?”
Nick chuckled as he sat down. “Not at all. I just wanted to make sure you’re feeling okay about me and Harlow. Like we talked about, you’re always going to be my main priority.”
Miles nodded. “I totally get it now. You need adult companionship and it doesn’t mean I’m being replaced.” Miles pointed to his dimples. “Because who could replace all of this?” he asked cheekily.
“No one in the world,” Nick said, getting a little choked up by how fast Miles was growing. Every time he looked at him, Miles was sprouting a few inches and sounding older and wiser.Where had his baby gone?
