“I think you should leave, Luke. It’s for the best. I’m sorry, but my wife isn’t up to this type of visit.” He locked eyes with Luke, imploring him to heed his advice and go.
Knowing he’d done more harm than good with his visit, Luke immediately retreated and walked back to his truck on trembling legs. By the time he got in the driver’s seat, he was a wreck. As he revved the engine, he took one last look in the side yard at Dorothea. She was sitting on the lawn sobbing as Neal cradled her in his arms. Luke pressed his foot on the gas and drove as fast as he could away from Silver Hill Road. A few minutes later he pulled over to the side of the road and leaned forward so his face was pressed against the steering wheel.
You don’t deserve any of those things.Dorothea’s words repeated over and over in his head, highlighting his worst fears. He wasn’t worthy. He didn’t merit a happy ending. The miscalculation he’d made had robbed Aaron and Kenny of their futures. Kenny’s mother’s words had been cutting and blunt, but she was right. He didn’t deserve to walk off into the sunset and enjoy a happy life when Kenny wasn’t able to.
***
Stella tried to keep herself occupied while she waited for word from Luke. She didn’t want to pester him since she knew he might still be on the road back from New Hampshire, but at the same time she was dying of curiosity about his visit with the Smiths. Perhaps he was simply taking some time to soak it all in. Or maybe things had gone so well that he’d been invited to stay over with the family. Just the thought of it made Stella smile.
But what if it hadn’t gone well?She pushed the thought out of her head. Luke would be heartbroken. And he would continue to beat himself up about it. No! Luke was an amazing man and his sincerity radiated from him like a beacon. Surely the Smiths would see his intentions were good. He’d suffered too as a result of the explosion. Not only had he lost two close friends but his entire world had turned upside down with his injury and forced retirement.
She tried to keep herself busy, but thoughts of Luke kept intruding.Do something to keep your mind occupied!For the next half hour, she vacuumed, swept her hardwood floors, emptied the dishwasher, and began going through her closet for unwanted items to donate. Coco Chanel watched from Stella’s comfy queen-sized bed as she amassed a huge pile. She turned toward her poodle and held up a funky orange top that she hadn’t worn since college. “I’m not sure anyone would want this, Coco Chanel.” In response, her pooch haughtily lifted her nose in the air, giving Stella a case of the giggles. Stella tossed the top to the trash pile and reached back into her closet.
Stella felt the item before she saw it. Stuffed in the back was the vintage bridal gown she’d planned to get married in. She grabbed it, slowly pulling it out with an equal measure of reverence and trepidation. Stella let out a relieved breath when she was able to look at the gown without falling apart. She lightly stroked the luxurious fabric, admiring the way the silk slid elegantly through her fingers.
It was amazing to look at the gown and simply be able to admire it for its design and style. She no longer mourned the wedding that wasn’t, the future that had crashed and burned. Right now, the dress was just a gorgeous garment she would never wear. Stella knew what she was going to do with it. The wedding gown would no longer take up space in her closet. The dress was going places. She put it back inside its garment bag and draped it across her bed. Later on she would take the dress to Rosie and arrange for her to gift it to one of her upcoming brides. That way someone else could find joy in wearing it on their special day.
A walk on the beach right about now would do her a world of good, Stella realized. She was tired of looking at her phone and waiting on word from Luke. It was humbling to realize how deeply she cared about the things that mattered to him. “Come on, Coco Chanel. Let’s get our steps in for the day,” she called out to her dog. In response, her pampered pooch jumped off her bed, then wagged her little tail as she ran to the back door. Stella snapped her leash on to her collar and headed outside into the sunny afternoon. She stuck her phone in her back pocket just in case she got a call or text from Luke.
An hour later and Stella had walked the entire length of the beach and back without a single ping on her cell phone. Try as she might to rationalize not getting any updates from Luke, she couldn’t make sense of it. They had been in each other’s pockets for weeks now. It was rare that they went hours without any contact. Finally, she texted him saying she was going to reach out to Nick if he didn’t let her know he was all right. Moments later her phone buzzed, and two words jumped out at her.
I’m okay.
Stella stared at the words on her screen, waiting for Luke to say more. Her heart sank at the realization that those two words were it. He wasn’t giving her anything more than a terse response. Despite the heat, goose bumps popped up on the nape of her neck. Luke’s words didn’t reassure her one bit. Something was wrong. She could feel it in her bones. Even though she’d been over the moon about her relationship with Luke, she was suddenly reminded of the fact that things could always turn on a dime at any time. Isn’t that what she’d learned from her ex-fiancé? Relationships fizzled. Connections were severed. Hearts broke.
Being in love with Luke didn’t guarantee they would walk off into the sunset together or that he would love her back. Being in love didn’t promise anything at all. And that realization terrified her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
It was nighttime before Stella heard from Luke again. He called her, saying he wanted to come over to talk. Stella felt relieved at the idea that he wanted to see her. Judging by the sound of his voice, Luke needed to talk to her, which finally allowed her to breathe normally. His disappearing act and silence had been confusing and alarming. Now, at least, he’d reached out to her. Her emotions went to the stratosphere in seconds. This, she thought, was what it felt like to love someone. Everything she felt was tied up in Luke.
Stella was at the door the moment she heard the crunch of his tires in her pebbled driveway. It seemed like forever until he was standing at her doorstep. She flung the door wide open and threw herself against his chest. Immediately, she knew something had shifted with Luke. He didn’t place his arms around her the way he usually did. He wasn’t hugging her back. Her mind worked quickly to justify it. He was tired, she imagined, after his trip to New Hampshire.
When she let go of him, Stella ushered Luke inside and toward her bright and airy kitchen. She’d put on a pot of coffee for them and the heavenly aroma of it wafted around the room.
“Coffee?” she asked. “You look like you could use some.”
“Sure,” he replied, sinking down into one of her chairs as if his legs might give out. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides. Stella didn’t want to come right out and ask him what was wrong, but as the seconds ticked by, she knew it couldn’t be avoided.
She poured coffee into each of the cups she’d placed on the table next to the cream and sugar. Stella sat down next to him, close enough so that she could reach out to him if necessary. She sensed that something was weighing heavily on his mind. Although he was still achingly handsome, Luke looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. The bright glare of her kitchen lighting showed every worry line on his face. Although it felt good to lay eyes on him, Stella wasn’t reassured by seeing him. Every nerve ending in her body tingled with heightened awareness. He placed both hands on either side of the coffee mug and raised it to his lips. He drank in huge gulps as if he needed it for sustenance.
“What happened in New Hampshire?” she asked as the silence between them dragged out. “Where have you been this whole time?”
“I’ve been driving around…thinking. It didn’t go well,” he said in a clipped tone, his eyes downcast. “The minute I introduced myself to Kenny’s mom she began railing against me. Told me I was to blame for his death and that I wasn’t worthy of a happy life.” He massaged the bridge of his nose and looked down. “I never got the chance to say much of anything.”
Stella gasped. “Oh no. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry, Luke.”
He let out a brittle laugh. “I should have seen it coming. Brando tried to warn me. He told me to give it some time and not go there, but I couldn’t let go of the idea of going to see them.”
“I know you must be heartbroken.” And she was heartsick for him. He’d been counting so much on this meeting. From the sounds of it, things had gone terribly wrong.
Luke fiddled with his mug. “It’s not about me. The Smiths are the ones who are really suffering.” Anger bounced off him in waves. She reached out for his hand. He pulled it away and reached for his mug, draining the remaining brew.
She blinked past the moisture in her eyes. He’d rebuffed her and she had no idea if he’d even been aware of it. It hurt to feel so disconnected from him. Luke was a million miles away, and it felt like she couldn’t reach him, no matter how hard she tried.
“Look at me,” Stella commanded. There was a sharpness in her voice that she hated. But she felt him detaching.
He swung his gaze up. His expression was still shuttered, while there was nothing welcoming in the depths of his eyes. This wasn’therLuke. It hurt so much to see this cold version of the man she’d fallen in love with.
