She let out a sympathetic sound. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must’ve been for you.”
“The most agonizing part was learning about Aaron and Kenneth, my team members who didn’t make it. To this day it still feels so wrong to have lost them.” He bowed his head. “Neither one made it to their thirtieth birthday. Aaron has two kids who’ll never know their father.” It absolutely shattered him to think about Aaron’s twin boys missing out on him being in their lives. It reminded him all too much of Miles’s being a motherless child. Graduations. Birthdays. Weddings. Like his nephew, Aaron’s kids would have to weather all those big occasions without one of their parents. Being a supportive presence in Miles’s life was a major reason why he needed to stick around Maine.
“But you can make sure they know what kind of a man he was,” Stella said. “Not just as a SEAL but as a friend, a husband, and a father.”
Stella was spot on. That was something Luke intended to do when he met with the families in person. And, if allowed, he would like to be a part of the twins’ lives in some capacity. Friend. Honorary uncle. He didn’t care about the label as long as he could support them in their journey.
“So is your injury the reason you’re not a SEAL any longer?”
Just hearing Stella say it out loud made it all too real. His life as a Navy SEAL was over. There was no going back. He would never get the chance to redeem himself.
“To make the nightmare complete, I was retired from active duty due to my physical condition. They deemed me unfit for duty and there was nothing I could do to change their decision. It was final and binding.” He lifted his shoulders. “So there’s a part of me that knows I shouldn’t be putting stress on my leg by running, but another part of me wants to prove something.”
“That you’re not broken.”
He swung his gaze up after hearing her unexpected response. How did she know that? Was he so easy to read? Or was she simply an intuitive and sensitive woman?
She gave him a knowing look. “I know it’s different from your situation in a million ways, but I’m guilty of the same thing. Over the past two years I’ve done so many things just to prove that Rafe didn’t break me. And none of it made me happy. It didn’t help me heal. It just left me stuck.”
He let out a ragged sigh. “It took me until today to realize that I’m only hurting myself and my body. I’m not going to be reinstated as a SEAL even if I managed to win the Boston Marathon and the Super Bowl.”
She shot him a tender smile. “No, you’re not. When Rafe’s baby was born I had to face up to the fact that I needed to put all of my fantasies of us living happily ever after to rest. As crazy as it sounds, I was still holding on to some wild hope that he might come back to me begging for forgiveness.” She let out a weak laugh. “It was time to dream other dreams and to make peace with it.”
“And have you?” he asked, curious to know if she’d managed to put it all behind her. Luke didn’t admit to her how badly he wanted to pack away his baggage, but the truth was he wasn’t sure what steps he needed to take in order to make it happen.
“Not yet, but I’m getting there,” she admitted. “And you will too. You just have to find your sweet spot, a place in the world that suits you just as much as being a SEAL did.”
There it was. The stark, cold truth. Trying to get in peak condition again wasn’t going to give him what he wanted most in the world. He was never going to be part of a Navy SEAL team again. That part of his life was over. That knowledge hit like a sledgehammer. He’d been living in denial, imagining that he could pull off a miracle with discipline and focus. And now he was sitting here with a busted-up leg praying he hadn’t done anything to make it worse.
“So do you like chicken parm?” she asked, adroitly changing the subject.
Mmm. Just the thought of it made his stomach grumble in appreciation. “What’s not to like? Italian food is my favorite. Why?”
“Because I’m making it for dinner and you’re invited to stay. I figure by the time dinner is over you’ll be back on your feet and out of my hair,” she said in a teasing tone. “I’m also throwing in garlic bread and salad, so now you really can’t say no.”
“Honestly, there really wasn’t ever a chance of me saying no,” Luke admitted. “I appreciate it, Stella. Matter of fact I’m thankful for all of this,” he said, gesturing toward his leg, the ice pack, and cushion. She’d made him feel like a welcomed guest, and now she would be cooking dinner for him. The last woman who’d cooked a meal for him had been his mother. And that had been ages ago. Stella surprised him. She was equal parts schoolteacher and Florence Nightingale. A caretaker. She was level-headed and a bit quirky on occasion. Vulnerable yet strong. Stella was a woman who was constantly surprising him in the best of ways.
“Good then,” she said with a nod. She reached over and handed him the television remote. “Knock yourself out. By the way, you’re welcome, Luke.”
“Everyone is taking really good care of me in Mistletoe,” Luke said. “I wasn’t sure how I would fit back into the fabric of this town, but spending so much time with Nick and Miles has been amazing.”
A hint of a smile played around her lips. “I need to tell you that Miles wrote an essay about you and it won first prize in a state competition. If you haven’t read it yet, I wouldn’t wait another day to do so. Seeing you through his eyes was wonderful. I get the sense you have a hard time embracing the hero label, which is understandable considering how you earned it, but Miles thinks you’re a superhero.” Her eyes teared up and she blinked them away. “With everything he’s been through, that little boy needs heroes in his life. And from where he’s standing, you’re Superman and Black Panther all rolled up into one. I just thought you should know.”
Stella left the room and Luke let out a breath. Nick had told him about the essay, but Luke hadn’t read it yet. He hadn’t felt worthy of the title, so he hadn’t followed up with his brother about it. His chest tightened with emotion just thinking about his nephew writing an essay about him. His love for Miles was epic. Based on Stella’s comment, Miles felt the same way about him. It was humbling and gratifying at the same time.
As the tangy smell of marinara sauce floated in the air, Luke heard his stomach grumble in appreciation.I could get used to this, he thought as he turned on the television with Coco Chanel nestled up against him. Once again he had to remind himself that none of this was real. He couldn’t allow himself to get too comfortable in Stella’s world. Or lean on her too much as a crutch. Even though it didn’t seem like it at a moment like this, they were both playing roles. Luke needed to focus on his own future and figure out what in the world he was going to do with himself.
***
As Stella navigated the winding road leading to Blackberry Beach Road, she luxuriated in the wind whipping through her hair and the sun beating down on her face. There was nothing she loved more than a lazy summer day with glorious weather. This morning she’d had a few errands to run in town, such as grocery shopping, picking up dry cleaning, and making a coffee run at the Coffee Bean. She’d allowed herself the luxury of sitting outside on the patio to drink her coffee, which allowed her to partake in one of her favorite activities—people watching. She found herself wondering if she would run into Luke. She’d been thinking about his leg pain and curious as to whether he’d made his way to a doctor’s office for an assessment of the situation. By the time she’d driven him home his pain had lessened and he was able to walk, but it was still an alarming episode.
Stella’s quick trip to the market had turned into a full-on interrogation from a few ladies about her and Luke’s status. She had to admit it felt wonderful to see their expressions as she confirmed that they were a couple. These same women had been extremely catty to her after the wedding was called off. They’d rubbed salt in the wound by telling her “everything happens for a reason” and “the heart wants what it wants.” She couldn’t even feel a little bad that they seemed completely put out by the news about her and Luke. Especially when Stella had dropped a few precious breadcrumbs to make it seem as if their summer plans were epic. On her way out of the store she crossed paths with Tucker while they were both walking to their cars in the parking lot.
“Stella,” he said with a nod, giving her the once-over. The way he always ogled her drove her crazy. He could never seem to keep his eyes above her neck. It always made her feel icky.
“Tucker. How’s it going?” she asked, planting a smile on her face. No matter what he says, she reminded herself, it was her intention to stay pleasant.Keep Calm and Carry On.
“Not too bad,” he responded. “Just grabbing some things on my lunch break.”
