In her woozy state of throbbing pleasure, Dani tried to understand why this man held back.
Was it gallantry? Confusion? Did he not want her?
If gallantry held him back—well, then, how gallant. And good for him. Also: please stop. The moment to be a gentleman had come and gone when he’d lied to her for nearly a fortnight and then married her.
Confusion? That couldn’t be it. Even she wasn’t confused, and this was her first time in bed with a man.
But if he held back because he did not want her, well—
His hand slid to her breast, large, rough fingers toying with the burning tip, and for a long, delicious moment, Dani lost the ability to think.
It wasn’t, she decided, that he did not want her. It couldn’t be that.
No, he’d hesitated for some very complicated, very sacrificial reason—likely several reasons. It was never selfishness that propelled him to lie and manipulate her. She believed this. He hadn’t trusted her to help him. And true, he came with many complicated and colorful challenges. He needed serious assistance. But she was not afraid; she loved a challenge. His lack of trust was a problem. Given the choice, she’d rather not address this now, but she also would rather not beg him to make love to her.
“Did you know, Bannock,” she asked, breathing hard, “that you have managed, and directed, and controlled every minute of our association from the very beginning? You’ve doled out bits of information; other bits, you’ve withheld. You married me so I could not go back, and now you hesitate. You have dangled mansions to entice me, and crowns, and my own sister in front of me—all to manipulate instead of simply saying what you need.”
“I know...” he whispered, kissing her neck.
“You know, and I know. And it stops now. Now, we will...collaborate.”
“We cannot collaborate on this.”
“Why not?”
He paused over the skin of her shoulder. He exhaled. He fell away from her body and flopped on the bed, face up. He ran a hand through his hair. Speaking to the ceiling, he said, “Because...if I make love to you, Danielle, I have to ask you—toreallyask you, and then extract a proper answer—this question. ‘Do you want to remain in the marriage with me? Forever?’ Because if we make love, we cannot dissolve the union with an annulment.Thatis why.”
Dani went up on an elbow. She was so unaccustomed to bald honesty from him, she had no immediate reply.
He finished, “And I don’t want to ask you that.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I don’t want to know,” he growled. He shoved up to sitting, propping his elbows on his knees. “I simply wanted to make you feel good.”
Very quietly, Dani said, “But I do want you.”
The truth.
God help her, it was the truth.
“You want me to make you feel good,” he stated.
“Yes. But also, I simply want to remain in the marriage. With you.”
He looked back at her. “You want me now—yes, but do you want me for always? Will you want me if I abandon you after one night? After I go to France on a deadly rescue mission? Because that is what I must do. And it could take months. I could die—likely I will die trying to rescue my friend.
“Do you wantme—the actual me,” he continued, “not the national hero but the smuggler who knows shite about running an estate? Thebastard? Oh yes, I’ve only alluded to this, but let me be perfectly clear: my mother was impregnated by a Cornish sailor and, being a fine lady from a fine family, threw me over to be raised by my paternal grandmother who lived in penury on the docks. And I use the wordraisedvery loosely. I was a wild menace to the town until the chance encounter with Linus Welty saved my life.”
“Luke—” She tried to cut in, but he wasn’t finished.
“Do you want a man tortured by the death of his mates? The man who gave the order that sent them to the bottom of the sea? The man who cannot sleep at night for his horrifying dreams?
“Look, Danielle,” he said, sighing, “I came here to make a deal with someone I assumed was a political pawn. Instead I married a living, breathing woman whose very boots I do not deserve to shine. A gorgeous, clever, brave...princess—of all people. And so now what? I’m tobelieve youwhen you say youwantthis?
“I have lied to you egregiously,” he added. “If you don’t resent that now—and you certainly resented it in the labyrinth—you will. For months I’ve been committed to dying in my quest to rescue Linus, and now I’m considering marriage for the rest of our lives?”
Dani listened, marveling at how quickly and forthrightly he was telling her these great many truths. She examined every word for how they applied to her—really applied. She cared about his missing friend and his nightmares, truly she did, but if she was meant to make some ruling on the rest of her life with this man, what really mattered was his regard for her. Did he love her? If he loved her, his identity as a hero or a bastard mattered not at all. This was perhaps the one truth that had not been revealed.Did he love her?Did he feel any emotional connection to her? Any at all?
