“If it sounds improbable,” he went on, “that’s only because I’m shite at demonstrating it. And saying it. And understanding it. Although that ends now.”
She stared at him, eyes huge on his face. He leaned down and kissed her hard. She took it, kissing him back, but only so much. She pulled away to look at him again. It occurred to him that she didn’t believe him.
“It snuck up on me,Miss Trelayne,” he said. “I didn’t see it coming, partly because it had the look and feel of a surprise, and, as you may know, I am not fond of surprises, but—”
A clap of thunder blasted above them, and they both laughed. Down the wall, an empty gatehouse stood open, and he pulled her under the cover of the tiny overhang, out of the rain.
“But also,” he continued, sobering, “because I didn’t know how to identify it. I was never shown. And I wasn’t paying attention. It came on so very quickly, didn’t it?”
“Like a drizzle that seems manageable at first, but then turns into a deluge?” she offered softly.
“Yes,” he said. “Like that. I cannot claim credit for sorting it out on my own. My sister helped.”
“She did?”
He nodded. “She supports your wild flight, by the way. Likely, she wishes you’d fled sooner. But not I. I’ve been... scared beyond all reason. I cannot lose you. I’ve had this thought from the beginning, all on my own. I cannot lose you.”
“You will not,” she vowed. “And I’m sorry you had to come after me.” She looked at the sky. “I thought I could manage. It wasn’t raining when I set out. And then it was. And then I was lost. And then I went into a shop and when I came out, the horse had gone.”
“The horse led me to you.”
“I’m so glad you’ve found her. She’s Ivy’s favorite. I would have never forgiven myself.”
“All of this,” he said, “is my fault. Do not blame yourself—not for the horse, not for any of it. You identified love right away, youknew. And I... I couldn’t see it. I could feel it in a way, Iwantedit, even, but I didn’t know what it was. I had no name for it. It scared me, thisnot knowing. I wanted desperately to slow down, to study it, to lie in wait and see what it would do—to see whatyouwould do.”
“Clearly what I would do is... jump on a horse and chase you into a storm.”
“The night you’d planned for us. The meal. The candles and fire. The bathtub—I pray I've not ruined future chances to explorethe bathtub. I have been so thoughtless.”
She laughed, a tearful, joyful sound. He squeezed her and continued, “My complete lack of attention and my preoccupation with the estate is appalling. I compelled you to marry me. Marriage. Forever. And then I took advantage of the devotion you showed me—and the love. I used the girls as an excuse. I’m not surprised you rode out into a storm. Although I thought... I thought you were running away, not trying to recover me.”
“But why would I run away?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “No, that’s not true, I can think of fifty reasons, beginning with the fact that the women in my life are known runners, and ending with the fact that my sister and nieces—and myself—can be difficult. At times. Or all the time.” Now he laughed.
“I’ve wanted you,” she said. “From the beginning. I did fall in love at an alarming pace, but when you’ve waited as long as I’ve waited, and you’ve spent as much time on... on introspection, you know your own heart.”
“Your courage astounds me,” he said. “You knew, and you weren’t afraid—or youwereafraid but it didn’t deter you—and you went after me, you went after ‘us.’ I’m so grateful. Because, afraid or not, I’m so bloody in love with you. It’s tearing up my heart, Drew—”
She giggled at his sloppy poeticism, and he laughed too. “Oh yes, laugh, it’s comical. And wonderful. And I hope to die laughing with you. Certainly, I cannot do without you.”
“Ian,” she said, and he kissed her, wanting to taste his given name on her lips.
“I want to live and breathe you,” he said, between kisses. “And not as an aunt to my nieces, although I love that bit of you.” Another kiss. “And not as a lover, although Ireallylove that bit of you.” Another kiss. “I love you as my wife, the rightful occupant of my heart. A once-missing piece, now fitted into place.”
“Oh, Ian,” she breathed, tears filling her eyes. “I... I should have run into a raging storm sooner, perhaps.”
“So you are... amenable to this?” he asked, ducking down to look her in the eye. “Just to be certain. Because this was not what we discussed that night in the library. When we decided to marry.”
“Yes, yes, yes,” she said, jumping a little. “How careless of me, I’ve failed to make my own declarations. Of course I love you and of course I want all of it.” She laughed. “I think I’ve loved you since you freed the birds from Kew Palace. I have loved you and wanted you and been afraid to say it because... because...” She was shaking her head.
“No fear,” he proclaimed. He bit off his glove and placed his cold hand over her colder lips. “No fear. I hate that it took almost losing you for me to see it, but I am stunted and stubborn and blinded by my very healthy lust for you. Please do not allow these very real failings of mine to cause you to doubt me. Ever.
“You have,” he said, picking her up under the bottom, holding her above him, “bolstered me. You have heartened me. You brought me to heelandyou have healed me. You introduced love into my life and make me courageous enough to be the uncle and the duke I hope to be. And, perhaps... the father?”
“Yes, the father,” she breathed, smiling through her tears.
“We will have to determine some... schedule that allows you to run your finishing school in London and also be in Dorset. I... I cannot be away from Avenelle for months at a time, it’s simply too demanding to be properly managed from afar. I cannot imagine how we’ll sort it, but I can divide some of my time—”
