“Not to mention,” he continued, “theblind sprintin which you left the brigantine the moment we reached London. Not even a good-bye, Isobel! Not even a moment to say when I might see you next. One moment you were locked in your room, the next you were winding your way through dockworkers and sailors to flee the scene.”
“I was very ill on the return trip.”
“You were afraid,” he said.
“I was—”
“You were afraid to meet my family, or you were afraid that you wouldnotmeet my family. Either way, you were running scared. I understand why, and I am sorry for the circumstances of your life that cultivatedthis fear. However, I know you to be a brave woman and I believed you when you said you loved me.”
“I do love you,” she said softly.
His chest clenched. “Well, God forgive me. Because I know that my struggles here forced you to face your fear to come to me.”
He dug a coin from his pocket and flicked it. “Do I misremember,” he pleaded, snatching the coin from the air, “that you swore me to secrecy about our betrothal? Did you or did you not flee the brigantine without saying good-bye?”
“Yes. The silence was meant to give you a clear head and no other obligations as you eased into the dukedom.”
“It didn’t work.”
“And yes, I fled—because the ship was met with cheering relatives whose priorities were reclaiming your cousin and welcoming you. It was the wrong time and place for introducing me. I... I was green. My skin was actually greenish-grayish-tannish in color at the time.”
“I’ll admit that Reggie’s parents and my mother and sisters complicated the arrival, but never would I have simply... left it—leftus. Not without a plan, a good-bye, nothing. But you sprinted away. I could hardly chase you through the docks while my family watched. Green or not, how wouldthathave improved your introduction? What choice did I have but to let you go? Youmade melet you go.”
“I do not mean the docks,” she said in a small voice. “I meant afterward. You were meant tocome for me.”
“To what end, Isobel?” he asked in frustration. “So you could relive your insecurity again and again with every new relative to whom I introduced you? No. I’vewanted you towant me enoughto put your fear aside and face my family.”
“Wanting you was never the problem,” she said, louder now.
“What was the problem?” he begged.
“Feeling... worthy of you,” she shot back.
“Meanwhile,” he said, his voice now raised, “I’m the one who cannot do my own filing. Who is unworthy now?Iwantedyouto see this. I wanted you to forget your alleged lack of worth and see that we are both simply human!”
“So you admit you lay in wait for me to come here,” she demanded.
“I will not admit it. I have not had a moment’s clarity, Isobel, until you walked through the door. I understand that you feel... uncollected by me—”
“Try ‘rejected’—I felt, Ifeel, rejected by you.”
“I see now that you feel rejected, and I regret this, but I beg you to consider that I had no intention of upsetting you. There was no grand scheme. I was here, struggling. You were in Hammersmith, waiting. I was waiting too. I waited every day for you to come. Yes, I could have rescued you, Isobel, but you seem to enjoy rescuing yourself.”
He spun away and walked to his desk. His heart was pounding; he wanted her so badly he felt physical pain. It wasn’t meant to play out this way. When she came. If she came. He made a sound of frustration and ran a hand through his hair. He looked at the stacks of parchment on the desk and wanted to scoop them to the floor in an angry sweep. But then where would he be? Faced with sorting it all again.
He chuckled bitterly to himself. “Although I have no aversion to you rescuing me. Obviously.”
Across the room, Isobel was silent. He did not look at her. He did not need to look at her; as always, hefelther presence, her flickering energy. He smelled her.
After a tense moment, he asked, “Has Drummond Hooke, your former employer, harassed you in any way?”
“What?” She stared at him as if he might burst into flames.
“The illustrious Mr. Hooke. Has he harassed you in the new shop?”
“Well, he sent a letter the first week. I responded but heard nothing back.”
“Good. I hope you don’t mind my paying him a visit. Rest assured, he understands now that it’s in his best interest to not bother you again.”
