I haven’t the money...
How many times would he be forced to say these words to her until he was able to work as a free man again?
“I’ve heard some priests in the Roman Catholic church would marry us without the banns,” Helena said. “We needn’t keep to the Church of England.”
“A Roman Catholic priest wouldnotdo it,” he said, but he realized he had no idea if this was true. His family was of Irish descent and his religion was, in fact, Roman Catholic, but faithful church attendance was hardly part of his life. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been to church.
“Let us assume we found some priest to do it,” he said, “fine. We’re married in the eyes of God, perhaps. It would not belegallybinding with no license.”
“It would beenough,” she said. “It would buy time. No duke will risk the crime of polygamy until they sorted the paperwork. Sabotage, just as you said. A complication that stalls the marriage to Lusk.”
“Helena,” he said, “this is direct defiance. What of your parents? Likely they would never forgive you. Your father would act upon his right as your guardian and grant Girdleston permission to use the river and woods. Or they might very well toss you out, disown you. I... I cannot provide for you—not right now.” It strangled him to say these words.
“I don’t need provision—”
“You cannot say what you need. You’re the daughter of an earl, you’ve been fed and clothed and housed by your family’s estate for your entire life. You know nothing of what it is like to work—”
“I am an apple farmer.”
“Perhaps you are, but what if your father throws you off your land? And chops the trees to make way for the mining wagons? I . . . I won’thave the liberty and resources to keep you safe and comfortable. I’ve been trying to say this all along.”
“I have some money,” she said. “If they take the land, I still have Gran’s jewelry. And some gold. We will get by.”
“Helena,” he said, “think beyond this year to the rest of your life. The reality of my not being able to provide for you is a knife to my heart. I feel the same way about my father and sisters. Does my anxiety mean nothing? Do you not hear my distress? I am tortured, thinking of you cast out from your family. And your reply is a hidden bag of gold?”
“You would rather see me married to Lusk.”
“I die to think of you going to Lusk,” he growled. “But better thanyoudying in earnest—cold, hungry, cast out from your family.”
“You’ve no faith in me,” she insisted.
“Helena, you are a marvel to me. Truly. Never have I seen such courage, or resilience, or the cool ability to operate under extreme pressure. Not on the field of battle or among rival gangs on the crime-ridden streets of London. But you are still a young woman, and the duke’s family is unbelievably powerful. You’ve no idea of their far-reaching power.” He thought of the door of his prison cell swinging wide on Girdleston’s command. Then he thought of it clanging shut.
“If your family does not cast you out, Girdleston can make your life miserable, and that says nothing of what he’d do to me.”
“Titus Girdleston,” she said, “is a petty man who resents that his brother’s son is duke and nothim. He is forced to pander to the very authority that, by fluke of birth, has made him second-in-command. His greed will eventually consume him. He wants too much, and if we are careful and watchful, we can bring about some misstep or expose cheating that will destroy him. He is not the duke in earnest. And Lusk, as pitiful as he is, gave me some hope last night. Hecansummon cogent thought. He is not completely dead inside.”
Declan was shaking his head. “This ‘authority’ of which you speak? It is designed to protect landed men like Girdleston and your father. You have fought valiantly, Helena, but you have been powerless.”
She was silent. After a moment, she said, “I amnotpowerless. I refuse to think of myselfwithout power.”
Declan studied her back. She sat upright in the saddle, her shoulders tight. She held the reins with stiff arms, her elbows at sharp right angles. She was correct, of course. She’d refused to allow her parents or the dukedom or the aristocratic “wedding mill” to force her into a future that she did not want. How fierce she was.
And now, ever so fiercely, she pursued what she wanted. Or what she thought she wanted.
Which was him. Unbelievably. Remarkably. Whether he liked it or not.
Did he like it? In a perfect world, without the threat of prison, without his current penury—yes, he would like nothing more than to take Helena as his wife.
The collective weight of his feelings for her feltlike a mountain. He stood at the bottom, barely able to climb the first rise.
“I’m tired, Declan,” she said. “I’m tired of trying to convince you and tired of being with you only in wet carriages and dark gardens. I’m not made of limestone. I’m simply a woman, and I have my limits. For now, I will carry on, trying to marry Lusk off to someone else, but if he doesn’t take to one of them, I’ll run away again. In earnest. Gone without a trace.”
“You will not,” he countered.
“Then I will marry Lusk,” she said.
“Youwill not.” His voice sounded like gravel. “We will continue with the plan. You said yourself that Lusk has some spark of a soul. One of these girls will manage to ensnare him. Your parents’ bad behavior and Girdleston’s every move is motivated by greed for Lusk’s money and title. These potential duchesses will be driven by the same.It is enough.”
