He was quiet for a moment, studying her face. She worried that the terms of the trade made it sound like a choice between something he did not want to do and abandoning his family. This was no choice at all. The truth was, she wanted to provide for his family, even if he would not help her. She knew this as well as she knew her own desire for the future. Shewantedto help. Of course, it would be far easier to help if she could escape Lusk herself.
She reached out finally, and touched him. Two hands clutching one of his.
“It would give me great pleasure to welcome your father and sisters to Castle Wood. Have you been to Somerset?”
“Yes.” A vague whisper.
“Well then, you know. It’s paradise.”
He closed his eyes and turned his face away, a man torn.
She spoke to his profile. “Something has motivated me to fight this wedding for five years, to make a fool of myself and risk safety and sanity. It has not, I assure you, been my freedom alone. It has been to protect this forest and the orchardand the families who have lived in Castle Wood for generations. I would not have gone to such lengths if I was not protecting something wonderful.” She held up her palms, fingers open, as if she delivered the truth to him in handfuls.
Declan said stonily, “It’s more complicated than that. Lady Helena—”
“Very well,” she said, dropping her hands. “I understand. You cannot help me. You will not allow me to try to help you. Stop the carriage, then. We are at an impasse. Take the list to Girdleston so that I may revise my pla—”
She was cut off by a jolt from the road. The fragile contents of the vehicle clattered like a china shop under cannon fire and Helena was pitched from her seat. One moment she’d been on the bench, the next she was launched into the air. She landed with an “Oof” against a wall of wet muscle.
Shaw caught her with lightning reflexes. “I’ve got you,” he said.
Helena went rigid, every fiber of her body attuned to the sudden closeness. For a long beat, she said nothing. She held herself upright and still, waiting for him to deposit her on the opposite seat. She waited for irritation or disgust. She waited for him to touch her.
Slowly, breath held, she glanced up. She blinked, licking her bottom lip. She would thank him, she thought. She would say,I beg your pardon, and slink away. She would tell him again to hand her over to Girdleston. She would—
She raised her lashes to look at him. The words were on the tip of her tongue. Their eyes met.
Shaw made a growling noise and descended on her mouth with a kiss. Helena barely had time to suck in a breath before he pulled her close. They fell into the embrace like a stone dropped into a swirling stream. The carriage, the entourage, the world, were a torrent around them, and they sank and sank.
There were no words. Noare you comfortableordamn these wet clothes. He ravished her with his mouth. He crushed her against him like he wanted to absorb her. The smell of rain and wind pervaded the carriage. Unsettled gifts tipped against them. The wheels bounced over uneven cobblestones, jostling them blissfully closer. Helena wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on.
She’d done her duty at the party, she’d gotten her names, she’d offered his family sanctuary, but she was so very tired of duty and families and talking. What she really wanted wasthis.
When he pulled back to breathe, he panted, “I cannot give you over to Girdleston. I’ve tried, but I cannot.”
She nodded, breathing hard. She grabbed his tunic in desperate hands. “I will not bolt,” she told him. “It is imperative that I do as they wish until the very last moment. And then it will be the duke’s choosing. Youwillget your payment.”
“This is madness,” he said, claiming her mouth again.
She shifted, climbing to her knees in his lap, scrambling to get closer. His hands went to her waist, steadying her. She hovered above him,hands on his shoulders, her hair falling around them in wet clumps.
“Come back,” he begged, pulling her down.
She endeavored to slide her legs around his waist, but her dress was tangled and the fabric was wet, and she toppled back to his lap, laughing.
“But no more of this,” he said, scraping his emerging beard across her cheek.“No more.”
Her laughter continued and he said against her ear, “This will get you into trouble from which I cannot protect you.”
“I don’t need protecting,” she gasped, digging her hands into his hair.
“If I help you, we must be meticulously careful. We cannot mishandle it. No matter our... our...”
She claimed his mouth again. “We will not mishandle it,” she panted. “We will be professional. And mindful. We will get your family to Castle Wood. We will beat this...”
“Go,” he said, but he pulled her closer. “Stay back.”
“Yes,” she said against his mouth.
