The baby,she willed.Look at the baby.
Christian let out a shrill squawk and pitched the goose doll so that it fell just out of reach. His squawk turned into a fuss and Tessa quickly replaced the toy.
“I... I assumed you would be walking.” Joseph nodded to the empty pram beside the tree.
“Oh,” she said, looking at the pram, “no, anything but that, I’m afraid. If I push him, he will fall asleep. Better that he sleep at home, when I can be busy with other things. When we reach the park, we generally spread out on the ground. Won’t you—that is,” she tried again, “can you—?”
Before she could finish, he slung his leg over the horse and stepped down. “May I join you?”
“By all means.” Tessa stared down at her son, who chewed willfully on the foot of his goose.
The horse’s tack jingled as Joseph wordlessly secured him beside the maple.
“Your horse is well mannered, I hope,” she said. She worried about the large animal so close to Christian lying prone on the ground. Worry was now a mainstay of her life.
“He is,” Joseph said. He came to stand beside her. It occurred to her that the logistics of this meeting would be strange. Joseph was dressed to promenade, not sit on a blanket beneath a tree.
“I’m sorry there is no easy place to si—”
He dropped down beside her, spreading his legs in front of him. He crossed his shiny black Hessians at the ankle. “It’s impossible to overstate how much I value solid earth after five weeks at sea.”
“You are gracious to say so.” She wanted to look at him, to really look at him. Even in their brief courtship at Berymede, they had never sprawled out on a blanket. It had been winter, and he had been so very careful to resist situations that would tempt them before the wedding. Oh, the irony.
Now he sprawled just two feet away. She could smell his soapy, woodsy smell. He tugged off his gloves and laid them beside her on the blanket. Tessa watched this but then darted her eyes away, looking everywhere but at him. She unrolled the baby’s damp collar from the chubby folds around his neck. Christian let out a long, indignant coo. If she had been alone with him, she would have scooped him up and repeated his babble, trying to make him speak again. Instead, she cleared her throat. Joseph said nothing.
But perhaps he was uncertain and wished only toobservethe baby? Or the sight of him raised the awkward question of domestic logistical matters, none of which Joseph was prepared to discuss?
She felt herself begin to perspire. She’d foolishly put too much emphasis on getting the introduction exactly right but devoted no thought to the words she would use to make it.
“Tessa?” Joseph said, drawing her gaze back to his face. He took off his hat. “I’m afraid I must to admit something to you.”
Tessa’s stomach cinched into a tight knot. This was the moment he would reject everything—the baby, herself, the marriage. This was the moment he would walk away forever. “Yes?” she whispered, unable to meet his gaze.
“I find myself at quite a loss. I’ve no idea what to... do, er, next.” He winced slightly. “Forgive me. But can you...? That is—?”
Tears of relief sprang to her eyes.
Joseph cringed, watching his wife’s face crumple into tears. He cursed under his breath and reached for his handkerchief.
“Here.” He thrust the monogrammed linen at her. “Perhaps I should have concealed my ignorance. Although it’s fairly obvious, I’m afraid.”
Tessa shook her head, and tiny wisps of blonde flew out from her face. He blinked, enjoying the loose, relaxed beauty of her hair with no stiff bonnet. He tried and failed to think of something light and funny to say.
“You’ll have to forgive me,” she said. “I... I have looked so forward to this moment, and I was so afraid that you would be... that you would be—” She faltered.
“Competent?” he offered.
She laughed. “Resentful.”
She said it lightly, but it felt like a punch to his gut. He picked up one glove and laid it down again. He settled the other glove on top of it, carefully aligning the edges, finger to finger. “Oh, Tessa,” he sighed. “Resentful? I’ve been angry—yes. But is this how I have portrayed myself to you? So callous?” He laughed without humor and plucked at the gloves, tossing them into the air. “No, don’t answer that.”
She watched the leather fall into a heap. “You have every reason to resent us, Joseph. Few men could look at a child who was... not of his own flesh, yet thrust into his lifelong care, and not feel resentment. I have only the reaction of my own parents and brothers to compare. Please remember.” She looked away and added softly, “And then there was the reaction of the man who fathered Christian.”
As ever, Joseph’s breath stopped at the mention of Tessa’s former lover. “You have spoken to this man since the baby? You have made some introduction?” He could barely grit out the words.
Tessa shook her head wildly. “Oh, no. I shall never see him again. What I mean to say is, when I discovered my condition. I told him. He was cruelly indifferent.” She gathered herself up on her knees. “Joseph, please understand. I, alone, am to blame for the circumstances of our marriage—this I know. But I kept the details of the pregnancy concealed because I had met such resentment from the man who fathered the child.”
“I would implore you not to transferhisresentment tome.”
